On and off relationship breakups? [UPDATED]

[Ana622]

I've been on and off with my now ex boyfriend for a year now. I've always wanted to meet his parents, especially his mother. I've had dreams of meeting his family and taking pictures with them and I have dreams of him introducing me to his mother. I've told him before that I want to meet her. But every time I'm close to meeting his family, especially his mom, we breakup.

 

I believe in dream symbolism and law of attraction, I really want to know why that need that I want of meeting his parents hasn't happened? I always picture myself meeting them even when we're not together.

 

 

What do you think? Maybe my dream is just something that my subconscious wants so I dream about it? Opinions?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think in your way of thinking, once you meet his mom, the relationship has real long term potential, and that's what you ultimately want in life/in a partner. So, yes, it's your subconscious working that out in your dreams.

[Ana622]

But if I want this and am thinking about this and working towards this, why isn't it happening ??? I know we're on and off but even when we're off, I still want to meet his mom......it's so weird

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

But if I want this and am thinking about this and working towards this, why isn't it happening ??? I know we're on and off but even when we're off, I still want to meet his mom......it's so weird

 

I don't know....is she famous???

[Ana622]

Have any of you guys been in an on and off relationship? How would you guys end and start? Who would approach who?? Would anything change in the relationship?

 

I've been in a on/off relationship with my first boyfriend for a year now. First time we broke up was when I contacted his ex because I was insecure and wanted to know her side (he broke up with me)... Second time was because he was still mad at me and was being selfish and resentful towards me and wasn't treating me right (I broke up with him) and third time was him because he said supposedly he has no time for a relationship, which I call bull****... Everytime we'd break up he's always the one to contact me. He has changed in some ways but in others hasn't but I never mind it because that's him.

 

Everytime we'd be together we'd always be serious and but he can only do short term. we have a very special bond and have been thru a lot together and there are no need feelings. I'm his first real relationship and lost his v-card to me and he's my first love.. I had to teach him how to relationship basically.. Clearly were still attached to each other .... When is it truly over?

 

 

What's your experience with an on and off again relationship?

[staggerlee71]

its over when one of you have enough bull****e or one of you finds someone else

[whatnot]

I'm 58. 3 important relationships in my life. (since 19).

 

they've all been somewhat off and on. life takes care of it

 

not as specific as you'd like....but you'll know it when you see it

 

take care

[Maldives]

Have any of you guys been in an on and off relationship? How would you guys end and start? Who would approach who?? Would anything change in the relationship?

 

I've been in a on/off relationship with my first boyfriend for a year now. First time we broke up was when I contacted his ex because I was insecure and wanted to know her side (he broke up with me)... Second time was because he was still mad at me and was being selfish and resentful towards me and wasn't treating me right (I broke up with him) and third time was him because he said supposedly he has no time for a relationship, which I call bull****... Everytime we'd break up he's always the one to contact me. He has changed in some ways but in others hasn't but I never mind it because that's him.

 

Everytime we'd be together we'd always be serious and but he can only do short term. we have a very special bond and have been thru a lot together and there are no need feelings. I'm his first real relationship and lost his v-card to me and he's my first love.. I had to teach him how to relationship basically.. Clearly were still attached to each other .... When is it truly over?

 

 

What's your experience with an on and off again relationship?

 

Ye me lol 6 yrs the more feelings there are the more u break up over the silliest things we used to break up over fb posts lol but eventually too much fighting ended the relationship for good.

 

I think it's normal if u really love each other because u r so sensitive to each other's behaviours it's how ur conflict resolution skills shape up that's key wether u can survive.

[whatnot]

Ye me lol 6 yrs the more feelings there are the more u break up over the silliest things we used to break up over fb posts lol but eventually too much fighting ended the relationship for good.

 

I think it's normal if u really love each other because u r so sensitive to each other's behaviours it's how ur conflict resolution skills shape up that's key wether u can survive.

resentment kills relationships. unforgiveness. if there's not enough self to begin with....boundries.....definately the strongest willed person i'd ever met.....pretty strong willed myself.....idk....it got to the point I couldn't say "hi" without it hurting her. I never understood that part. Edited August 7, 2017 by whatnot

[ExpatInItaly]

its over when one of you have enough bull****e or one of you finds someone else

 

This.

 

I experienced this with an ex, and I it was finally done when I could no longer stand the toxicity and his bad behaviour.

 

A few months later, I met my current partner, who reminded me was real, healthy love feels like. I heard from my ex again thereafter, but by that point, I had completely moved on and honestly couldn't fathom why I waited as long as I did to kick him to the curb!

[PegNosePete]

Have any of you guys been in an on and off relationship?

No. And I never would. What is the point? No "on and off again" relationship is ever going to have a happy ending. It's a clear sign that you are not suited to each other.

[d0nnivain]

I have never been in one of these on & off again relationships. They are not healthy & they are evidence that neither of you has functioning conflict resolution skills. Instead of talking & working things out you both default to walking away. Every time you do that you weaken the foundations of your relationship.

 

Think of the relationship like a plate. You drop it on the floor & it breaks into 2-3 big pieces but you really like the plate so you glue the pieces back together. It's not as strong or as pretty as it has been when it was whole. Yet, you keep dropping it & breaking it instead of learning to be more careful.

 

Conflict is part of any relationship but in a healthy relationship you work through it together.

 

It's your first relationship so you don't know any better. One tip I will share with you is don't invite drama. You were dating him. There was no need for you to reach out to his EX to talk to her about the relationship she had with him. Their involvement had no bearing on your relationship; it was none of your business; and an invasion of his privacy. It was just a seriously uncool thing to do.

 

It was good that you ended things when you weren't being treated right.

 

Now when he's saying he has no time for a relationship, take him at is word. While you may be correct that he has more time then he's saying, he doesn't have time he wants to spend on you. He's done. Third time is the charm. Let this be your final break up. Move on.

[Been]

From my experience its when one of you gets tired of the ups and dpwms of the relationship. It isn't healthy and its so time consuming.

To be honest I just got TIRED. So much energy and it wasn't worth it anymore to me. One minute its the best and then we would break up. It got to the point when I could sense when we would break up. Then of course wed get back together and make all these wonderful plans that would never come to pass. One day I just walked away.

[whatnot]

I have never been in one of these on & off again relationships. They are not healthy & they are evidence that neither of you has functioning conflict resolution skills. Instead of talking & working things out you both default to walking away. Every time you do that you weaken the foundations of your relationship.

 

Think of the relationship like a plate. You drop it on the floor & it breaks into 2-3 big pieces but you really like the plate so you glue the pieces back together. It's not as strong or as pretty as it has been when it was whole. Yet, you keep dropping it & breaking it instead of learning to be more careful.

 

Conflict is part of any relationship but in a healthy relationship you work through it together.

 

It's your first relationship so you don't know any better. One tip I will share with you is don't invite drama. You were dating him. There was no need for you to reach out to his EX to talk to her about the relationship she had with him. Their involvement had no bearing on your relationship; it was none of your business; and an invasion of his privacy. It was just a seriously uncool thing to do.

 

It was good that you ended things when you weren't being treated right.

 

Now when he's saying he has no time for a relationship, take him at is word. While you may be correct that he has more time then he's saying, he doesn't have time he wants to spend on you. He's done. Third time is the charm. Let this be your final break up. Move on.

 

both of my relationships have been long distance. the first resulted in marriage. It was clear to me from the beginning that she was a fish out of water being away from her family. It didn't last.

 

this last relationship....long distance as well (150 miles)....we'd talked about plans of one of us moving. But that's all it was was talk. I don't believe either one of us ever had any real intention of moving out of our hometowns for a relationship. Not from day one.

[Ana622]

l had a dream last night where I was with my ex boyfriend (but I guess in my dream, we were still together) and with a friend of mine and my mom.my mom hands me a cute little necklace with a ice cream cone charm and I'm like "mami was is this for?" And she's like " we need to do a celebration " and I'm like "a celebration for what!?"

then I read the box where the ice cream cone Necklace Was In and It Said that Ice cream cones where a symbol of a baby boy! And I tell my mom "mami I'm not pregnant!" And she's like " yes you are,you have that pregnancy glow! " Idk but my mom just knew.

 

What does that mean? Mind you in real life he's my ex boyfriend but in my dream I guess we were still together. I didn't have a baby dump...

 

 

For more info on my ex, we've been on and off for a year... And we have spoken about kids, but not like kids together, just in general. We're family oriented

[Gaeta]

Dreaming about pregnancy has nothing to do with babies. It's a symbol of a new beginning or creativity, the desire to create something, something tangible like renovating or something personal like changing something in your life.

 

I'd say you will soon completely move on from your ex and start a new phase of your life.

[Ana622]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. On and off, but we've always come back to each other after a couple of weeks (we've only been on and off 3times)anyways... He recently told me that he has a fear of commitment. Not of the label, he validates that I'm his girlfriend and stuff but he's scared about marriage, moving forward in the relationship and meeting his parents. We are each others first true love, he's my first bf and I'm his first long term,serious relationship. We're both 22, he's turning 23 soon... I haven't even met his parents or friends! He thinks that's crazy too, but always says "in due time". I tell him what I want ,which is to be a part of each others lives and he always says "in due time". But the thing is, is that he's family oriented,wants a family in the future, wants to get married and wants a serious relationship and all that, But hes scared, But scared of what? he's says That hes scared that I'll break,his heart but everytime we break up He's the one that ends it not me..... If he were to introduce me to his family, I'd be the first. He's very private about me, which I dont like Or get. .....anyways what are your opinions? Can he ever truly be a part of my life, he says "in due time" but it's like bro when is that going to happen?

 

Thoughts ?

[preraph]

Please don't be mad at me, but you guys are too young to be talking about getting married and having a family. No one should want commitment at your age, beyond just a steady girlfriend or boyfriend. Most guys aren't ready for all that responsibility until they're about 30 and there's a lot of preparation in terms of getting a career and moving up in your career and just at least waiting until your brain is finished growing, which is around mid-twenties. Until then, the part of your brain that can predict consequences isn't even fully developed, which is why young people jump into things and then regret it and get themselves painted into a corner and sink.

 

Most people will not end up with their first love. It will always be special, but it is rarely the one. You need to stop thinking you have to follow a script from a rom com and just enjoy your life. He won't let you meet his family because he knows you're trying to move too fast and doesn't want to encourage you. And he's right.

[Ana622]

How are we talking about marriage of i haven't even met his friends? That's what he told me. Of course were not talking about kids and marriage, but ultimately that what we want maybe not with eachother but In life. He's the one that's scared of all that.

 

It's it weird that we've been together for one year and I don't know anyone of his family or friends? That's the thing lolll

[Ami1uwant]

You are too young to be looking at marriage.

 

You havent even met his family and his friends. That is important.

[Ana622]

You are too young to be looking at marriage.

 

You havent even met his family and his friends. That is important.

 

That's what I'm saying too!!!! It's him that says that not me!!!

[Ami1uwant]

That's what I'm saying too!!!! It's him that says that not me!!!

 

 

What you said

 

" I tell him what I want ,which is to be a part of each others lives and he always says "in due time". "

 

 

Part of each others lives says serious committment/engaged/marriage.

 

Why you havent met his family/friends.....

 

Does his family friends live close? or are they across the country?

 

IF they are in the same area or within 1-3 hr drie then there is no reason why you havent met them yet unless he has disowned them.

[Pete.Zah]

I wouldn't worry about not meeting his family and friends. What I'd be concerned about at this time is talking deeply. If what you have shared is a candid description of the relationship, then I'd say neither one of you are talking very deeply. All I can read into your description is surface, so you either aren't being descriptive or the discussions are shallow.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Lets just look at a couple of the inconsistencies you raised.

 

Firstly, you believe you are his true love, yet you haven't even met any of his friends or family after a year of dating?

 

Secondly, he tells you he is afraid of commitment because he fears you will break up with him, yet he is the one who initiated each break up?

 

I think you know what I'm going to say because you have already questioned the inconsistencies between his words and his actions. Multiple breakups are a very bad sign that a relationship does not have long term potential.

 

Honestly, his actions aren't those of a guy who is in love and sees a long term future with you. He sounds like he likes you, rather than loves you. If you are prepared to settle for that then you are probably selling yourself short. A guy should feel proud to show you off to his friends and family, not continue to make lame excuses after a year (and they are very lame excuses).

 

I'm sorry to say it, but I think you are wasting your time here. You need to consider the risk that his actions might begin to eat away at your self esteem and confidence in time, which could have a long term negative impact on your future relationships.

 

I think you can do better.

[act00]

A full year has gone by, you should be incorporating each other into each other's lives by now...friends, family, whatever plans are going on on the weekend, etc. The fact he's keeping you at arm's length and a secret is a huge red flag.

 

I'm sorry, but no matter the circumstance, there's always risk. You've been together a year, and still there are no hard and fast guarantees this will go the long haul, but he should WANT to have you be part of his life in every way and be a part of yours, despite the risk.

 

I'm really finding that this "bad break up" is a huge major cop-out and an excuse to just make sure the door is cracked...but we'll have a quasi-serious relationship until something better comes along...hang onto the crutches of horrid ex excuse...if he comes with that much baggage, you don't want him anyway. Personal clutter is hard enough to deal with; you don't need someone else's.

 

After a year, not only should you have met these people, friends and family, you and he should be planning the gatherings together, and when events collide, like over the holidays, create a plan of action.

 

He's keeping you under the bed.

 

It's time to move on.