hptalbot Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 So I am 31 years old and have been back in school for one semester. For most of my twenties I was working ****ty jobs in food or retail or call centers. My parents kept trying to get me to go back to school, saying they would pay, but I didn't want to lose my independence. I am on the spectrum, have low stress tolerance and therefore would not do well working while in school. So I quit my job and moved to a college town and am back under my parents thumb. Luckily I have no bills, my parents take care of those, but I also have no money to go out and do anything. I am lonely and still have a year to go before I am finished. I have not met anyone out here. The college kids are just that, kids, and the people my own age I feel would gawk at a 31 year old in school with no job living off his parent's dime. It's embarrassing to even talk about with people face to face, its the reason I dropped out to begin with. I couldn't work and study and ended up having a stress meltdown due to my autism. I have dated plenty over the past few years, but have no had a relationship in two and half years. All of my friends live an hour away in the city, and while I still talk to them daily via voice chat, its not the same as face to face interaction with another human being. I have an FWB who I have known for years who I see face to face once every few months, but there is a whole 'nother level of drama going on with her (see my previous post in the marriage forum) Not sure what the point is of the post other than to rant. Any ideas for a literally broke student with no job in his thirties to meet people? I am tired of my life consisting solely of studying, class, and a small amount of video games and youtube.
Miss Spider Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 Grats on continuing your education. Online dating?
Author hptalbot Posted August 6, 2017 Author Posted August 6, 2017 Grays on continuing your education. Online dating? Thats pretty much my entire dating experience. I am bad at reading people (autism again) and have a hard time differentiating friendliness with attraction. So I use OKC, and while its still an issue there, at least I know everyone is looking for the same thing and I have had a good amount of luck with the site as a result, that was when I was working full time though. I want to try and get out of the house though, and I have been in a slump with OKC and want to try something new.
Robratory Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 When I returned to college at age 40, I couldn't stop working, but I also don't have autism. Still, I got rid of my TV, and every moment of my free time went into the books. I always took 12 semester-units, and it's true that you need three hours of study time for every hour of class time. You can stand another year, and it might even help your grades. That said, consider not identifying so much with your autism. Autism is something you have, not something you are. You don't have to talk about your autism. You don't have to make sure everyone around you knows you have it. It's not catching. If someone asks if you're working, just say no, that you're fully invested in your studies. Lots of people do that. I myself had the luxury of studying without working after I was laid off about a year before I graduated. Fortunately, the severance pay was enough to live like a starving student for a year. All of my friends live an hour away in the city, and while I still talk to them daily via voice chat, its not the same as face to face interaction with another human being. I'm no expert in autism, but from what I've read, your autism may be very mild. One of the elements of autism is precisely a lack of interest in socializing and forming human relationships. Don't let it hold you back. Think of it as having flat feet or something like that, something nobody cares about.
Miss Spider Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 volunteering, community events, clubs, meetups, speed dating 1
Author hptalbot Posted August 6, 2017 Author Posted August 6, 2017 When I returned to college at age 40, I couldn't stop working, but I also don't have autism. Still, I got rid of my TV, and every moment of my free time went into the books. I always took 12 semester-units, and it's true that you need three hours of study time for every hour of class time. You can stand another year, and it might even help your grades. That said, consider not identifying so much with your autism. Autism is something you have, not something you are. You don't have to talk about your autism. You don't have to make sure everyone around you knows you have it. It's not catching. If someone asks if you're working, just say no, that you're fully invested in your studies. Lots of people do that. I myself had the luxury of studying without working after I was laid off about a year before I graduated. Fortunately, the severance pay was enough to live like a starving student for a year. I'm no expert in autism, but from what I've read, your autism may be very mild. One of the elements of autism is precisely a lack of interest in socializing and forming human relationships. Don't let it hold you back. Think of it as having flat feet or something like that, something nobody cares about. I don't usually bring it up, I just felt it might help here to give some context. I was much more severe as a child and am diagnosed in what is called pervasive developmental disorder. Which is one of the milder forms to be sure. I spent my childhood in special schools and therepy. I hated being different and spent most of mental energy growing up trying to achieve normalcy. As an adult I am very charismatic as a result.
TheTraveler Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 So I am 31 years old and have been back in school for one semester. For most of my twenties I was working ****ty jobs in food or retail or call centers. My parents kept trying to get me to go back to school, saying they would pay, but I didn't want to lose my independence. I am on the spectrum, have low stress tolerance and therefore would not do well working while in school. So I quit my job and moved to a college town and am back under my parents thumb. Luckily I have no bills, my parents take care of those, but I also have no money to go out and do anything. I am lonely and still have a year to go before I am finished. I have not met anyone out here. The college kids are just that, kids, and the people my own age I feel would gawk at a 31 year old in school with no job living off his parent's dime. It's embarrassing to even talk about with people face to face, its the reason I dropped out to begin with. I couldn't work and study and ended up having a stress meltdown due to my autism. I have dated plenty over the past few years, but have no had a relationship in two and half years. All of my friends live an hour away in the city, and while I still talk to them daily via voice chat, its not the same as face to face interaction with another human being. I have an FWB who I have known for years who I see face to face once every few months, but there is a whole 'nother level of drama going on with her (see my previous post in the marriage forum) Not sure what the point is of the post other than to rant. Any ideas for a literally broke student with no job in his thirties to meet people? I am tired of my life consisting solely of studying, class, and a small amount of video games and youtube. You're just in a rut right now dating and school should be starting up soon. Perfect opportunity to interact with people, especially the fall semester. Nobody cares what happened 10 years ago. You're not the only one who's 30+ back in college. Focus on today and forward and what you plan to do when finished. While the majority of the women are 18-22 year olds at school, you can still be friendly with them. And you never know what can happen here. Since your parents help out, you have time to volunteer or grab an intern. I'm sure your parents would be supportive of it since they're helping you out already. I'm going to guess the FWB is a married woman? Just drop it and move on. 1
Author hptalbot Posted August 6, 2017 Author Posted August 6, 2017 I'm going to guess the FWB is a married woman? Just drop it and move on. No, she proposed a marriage of convenience to me last weekend. So I am processing that. It would not be about love, and I have a year or so to decide, but I don't want to give up on love, which is why I am thinking about dating again. I suggest checking my post history and looking at the last thread I started.
staggerlee71 Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 meeting a connection is difficult. I'm 45. happened 3 times. your in your prime to make decisions, have opportunities, etc. there is plenty of time for a women to break your heart. get on with your life
Recommended Posts