explain this to me

[vickyp]

Hi guys. Just wondering if you could explain this. Today my dumper after 2mths of nc sends me a text saying in 2 weeks he will send the money that I gave him. I replied back saying use it to get a therapist and that I'm seeing someone ( total lie) and our commutation stops now. Why would he send me that text when he told me to leave him alone and that I make him physically sick? Those statements were made during my pleading begging stage. (dumb I know) any thoughts?

[preraph]

Maybe a little guilt. But good for you for blowing him off.

[Frostedflake]

My thoughts are that you both are incredibly toxic to each other. He's toxic for kicking you when you were down. And your responses are not the best given that you're holding onto so much resentment.

Hold to your word and don't communicate anymore, in fact, block him. Don't even let the chance of getting a message exist because you know it's going to ruin your mood and bring up these "what does it mean?" thoughts when it means nothing but crumbs.

[Zahara]

It's because he's throwing you bait. Hoping you'll bite so that he can rope you back in again. You've taught him that you'll put up with abuse, so why not revisit to see if you'll fall for it again. Likely no one to support him/pay his bills so he's sniffing.

[BC1980]

Agree with Zahara. It's bait. I call it a feeler text. They are trying to feel you out and see if you are open to playing games again. Once you bite, they will vanish.

[RocketQueen]

It probably means he realised you're no longer in the begging phase and wanted to reel you in again...and look what's happened, you're wondering what it means.

 

I've been reeled in and reacted more times than I dare to admit. Stick with the NC it's worth it. The peace of mind that is waiting for you on the other side of this break up is priceless.

[vickyp]

My thoughts are that you both are incredibly toxic to each other. He's toxic for kicking you when you were down. And your responses are not the best given that you're holding onto so much resentment.

Hold to your word and don't communicate anymore, in fact, block him. Don't even let the chance of getting a message exist because you know it's going to ruin your mood and bring up these "what does it mean?" thoughts when it means nothing but crumbs.

 

Oh course I have resentment. He played a good game for 3 yrs. I've never been treated by anyone like this before. Never.

[vickyp]

Thanks for the responses. So I screwed up by replying back. Strict nc got it. Thanks again everyone.

[1fish2fish]

I don't necessarily think you screwed up by replying back, given your response. Just block him from here on out.

 

You're doing great!

[d0nnivain]

I don't understand why you would not accept the money. The better response would have been Thank You. That is far less engaging & invested that what you sent. By overreacting so & showing your emotions you show that you still care. The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't understand why you would not accept the money. The better response would have been Thank You. That is far less engaging & invested that what you sent. By overreacting so & showing your emotions you show that you still care. The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference.

 

That's what I was going to say.

 

I would have accepted it and been done. Your response gave him what he wanted - an emotional reaction.

[vickyp]

I get what you guys are saying. I guess I'm just so mad at myself for not listening to my gut, that I wasn't thinking. He can keep the money. my happiness has no price. Thanks again.