How do I tell my mom I have a date with a guy 12 years older?

[mariebau]

I'm 18, still living with my mom, and recently met and connected with a guy. He is super nice and all around amazing and treats me better than anyone has. But he's 30. We're not super serious yet, we have a date on monday. I plan on telling my mom I have a date. If she asks the age, how do I go about it in a way that will help her understand that I'm an adult and I really like him, and that 12 years in the grand scheme of things isn't THAT big of a deal? Any advice/similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

12 years IS a big thing when it comes to a teenager dating someone over a decade older. I'm a mom of a teenage girl and there's no way I'd allow it. Why does guy even want to date you, a teenager?

[elaine567]

It is a huge deal in reality, completely different life stages, and your mother will think the same.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How did you meet him? You can't possibly have much in common aside from the sexual attraction he feels toward you, a much younger woman.

[elaine567]

Why does guy even want to date you, a teenager?

 

^^^This 100%

[Slowlydrifting]

Sticky situation. My ex is 10 years older I was 20 when we met fast forward plenty of years marriage houses kids etc. we were just on different planes. Sometimes you just have to go through things to figure it out. Best of luck to you. If it helps, we are still the best of friends now, if not better. I wouldn't change anything at all. You always like to think why didn't someone stop me but in reality sometimes things are meant to be.

[mariebau]

How did you meet him? You can't possibly have much in common aside from the sexual attraction he feels toward you, a much younger woman.

 

We actually have a lot in common. Exact same sense of humor, Similar interests in a ton of things. I've always been a lot more mature than a lot of people my age, and I've always been into older guys.

[basil67]

At your age, I had a fling with a guy who was 9 years older. It was a great holiday romance. But then he went and got feelings for me and wanted me to move to be with him and settle down! I made a lot of mistakes in my teen years, but thankfully this wasn't one of them.

 

This is the thing with dating a 30yo guy: He'll either be ready to settle down. Or he's attracted to the life of a teenager and never be ready to settle down.

 

While I completely understand a young woman being attracted to an older, more worldly guy - there's something wrong with an older guy who's attracted to someone who is still living the life of a teenager.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

We actually have a lot in common. Exact same sense of humor, Similar interests in a ton of things. I've always been a lot more mature than a lot of people my age, and I've always been into older guys.

 

What are your similar interests?

 

How did you meet?

[BaileyB]

I'm afraid to say that I agree with the others - a 30 year old man should have no business dating an 18 year old girl...

[RecentChange]

More mature.....

 

Like living as an independent adult for a decade like he has? Full time job, bills, rent / mortgage. Friends mostly married with kids etc?

 

I would argue that between 19 and 29 is the period of the most change in a person's life. It's the transition between childhood and becoming an independent adult.

 

You have never lived as an independent adult. You are still at home reporting to your mother. He is a grown man in a totally different phase of life.

 

If you were 30, and he was 42...it wouldn't be a big deal.

 

He is not only 40% older than you, he has 100% more experience living as an adult.

[rightondude]

meh, I don't see the big deal. 18 is technically an adult except for the not being able to drink part. If you two get along, so be it. If you can die for your country you and this guy should be able to go out and crack if you want.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You're an adult. Date who you want. I never really offered much information to my parents about who I was dating, because I never felt like it was really their business.

 

For the record, older ladies will hate on you for dating an older guy. Almost never fails.

 

Not true. 30 and 42 is a hell of a lot different than 18 and 30.

[Bastile]

For the record, older ladies will hate on you for dating an older guy. Almost never fails.

 

Yeah. Women typically use shame to try and get the behaviours out of men that they want. Feminists especially do this. The response is simply to say "I'll date whoever I like. And if you don't like it? Suck it."

 

That usually has them slithering back into the shadows... until next time.

 

I can understand your mother being against it. If I had a daughter, I'd want her going out with the most easily controlled beta-male too. It'd stop me from having a heart attack.

 

This isn't how life, or attraction, works though. Your mum probably did the same exact things at her age.

 

30 year old men with half-decent game are kings of this scene. I can go 10 years either way, with no real problems. I'd take the 18 year old me, take his woman, pull his trousers down, and slap his face.

 

Think this is one of those situations where you are just going to do whatever you are going to do. Nature will take it's course.

 

Make sure he treats you decent

[Robratory]

I'm 18, still living with my mom, and recently met and connected with a guy. He is super nice and all around amazing and treats me better than anyone has. But he's 30. We're not super serious yet, we have a date on monday. I plan on telling my mom I have a date. If she asks the age, how do I go about it in a way that will help her understand that I'm an adult and I really like him, and that 12 years in the grand scheme of things isn't THAT big of a deal? Any advice/similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

 

"Mom, he's fifty.... Ha, ha, kidding! He's only thirty."

[Robratory]

Now that I've looked it up, I guess even the French Rule is against 30 and 18.

 

"Half your age plus seven."

 

15 + 7 = 22

 

That's the youngest woman a 30-year-old man should be dating -- twenty-two.

 

Curiously, the oldest man an 18-year old should be dating is also 22, because half of 22 is 11, plus 7 makes 18.

 

Anyway, this is all in good humor. You're an adult. True, you live at home, but it would be wrong for your Mom to try to control your love life. Just don't get pregnant, okay? Seriously, that would be the mistake of your life.

[mortensorchid]

How do you tell your mom when you are 18 that you have a date with a 30 year old? You DON'T.

[thefooloftheyear]

How do you tell your mom when you are 18 that you have a date with a 30 year old? You DON'T.

 

 

She lives with her mother...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

I's siding with the ladies...Its not appropriate...

 

If the OP was my daughter, after one meet and greet, he'd disappear...Let him "game" some other idiot...

 

I know people are saying its 'legal" but I don't really care...A 30 year old man has no real business chasing teenagers...I think Recent said it, but when you think about the changes a person goes through in the difference of ages of these two, then I agree....They are light years apart...

 

TFY

[SammySammy]

Now that I've looked it up, I guess even the French Rule is against 30 and 18.

 

"Half your age plus seven."

 

15 + 7 = 22

 

That's the youngest woman a 30-year-old man should be dating -- twenty-two.

 

Curiously, the oldest man an 18-year old should be dating is also 22, because half of 22 is 11, plus 7 makes 18.

 

Anyway, this is all in good humor. You're an adult. True, you live at home, but it would be wrong for your Mom to try to control your love life. Just don't get pregnant, okay? Seriously, that would be the mistake of your life.

 

Interesting.

 

When I was 34, I dated a woman who was 22. Led to a 5-year relationship. Age wasn't a problem for us and it wasn't the cause of our breakup.

 

I think a lot of people are concerned when it's a teenager because they are deemed to be naive, inexperienced, and easily misled. I'm not sure that's necessarily the case though. I think 18-year-olds today are much more knowledgeable and aware than I was at that age. A lot less ... innocent ... if you will.

 

The odds may be against it, but this relationship could work. I wouldn't hide it from the mother though. Ask her to meet him and judge him by who he is and not simply his age. That doesn't mean she'll give him a chance, but it's a better way of determining compatibility than age difference alone.

[Bastile]

If dating young hot tight women is "wrong", I don't want to be right.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Yeah. Women typically use shame to try and get the behaviours out of men that they want. Feminists especially do this. The response is simply to say "I'll date whoever I like. And if you don't like it? Suck it."

 

That usually has them slithering back into the shadows... until next time.

 

Interesting. I'll let the number of self-professed women who openly admit that they are not feminists and then in the same profile spew hate on men who date women many years younger than themselves. It's clearly not just a feminist thing , it's a woman who is insecure and creeped out a bit thing.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I am not following some of the conversation going on here, but I just think an 18 year old girl wanting to date a 30 year old man screams absent father or daddy issues. And a 30 year old man going after an 18 year old girl screams, "I'm only interested in sex." If 18 year old girl is ok with that scenario, have at it....as many have stated, it's legal. But, since the original question was how to tell her mother (interestingly, not her father), many mothers here have given our opinion that we wouldn't be ok with it, because we've all BEEN 18....and also 30.

[rightondude]

I know it doesn't really matter, but didn't Jerry Seinfeld date his current wife (?) when he was like 40+ and she was 18? Guess I could wiki it but I feel pretty certain in it. Maybe this guy is like Jerry.

[Gr8fuln2020]

...i'm going to go with 'creeped out.' A 30 yr old man dating a teenager....ugh.