Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 Put yourself in their place and weigh your actions accordingly. I usually do that. In the example I gave I think I was too empathetic because what she had told me earlier.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I dated a guy very much like this. His constant pestering and neediness was a HUGE turn off and I was forced to end things despite him being a nice guy. That kind of behavior is a sign of someone who is very insecure and as women, we aren't attracted to insecure men. As for her not blocking you...yet...don't get too excited. This is far from an invitation to contact her. Don't push her to the point where she feels like she HAS to block you. I mean, is that what you want? Remedy? Forget about her. What's done is done as is she. Instead, spend this time working on being a better version of yourself so you don't repeat this again with someone else. Good luck. 1
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 Is this the same girl you wrote about here? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631828-suddenly-doesn-t-want-date Yes. The last time I seen her we talked for a few hours and there was no indication of that this was coming. I'm well aware of the subtle signs of disinterest and there were none. Even when we talked after it was all positive it wasn't until made a stupid mistake and then next day wham all out of the blue. This most recent example shows I how can forcing people away when things don't go the way I hoped. I'm conflicted because I had fallouts that were much worse and I was able to fix the relationships but in those cases I dealing face to face and not via text.
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 Tips to end this bad habit: re-read this post over and over and the responses that follow. How to fix the friendship? IMO, I don't think you were really friends. Dated a few times....? Asking the same question 9 times.....wanting her to argue...ugh. IMO, best to leave her alone. If she wants to communicate with you, she will. What is the cuffout time required to be friends? I can meet someone and if we click together and I'd want to talk to them later. I'd call them a friend. Yes, two dates isn't much but it seemed all but certain this was going to end up in a relationship. Yea, there is nothing left I want to say to her at this point.
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 I dated a guy very much like this. His constant pestering and neediness was a HUGE turn off and I was forced to end things despite him being a nice guy. That kind of behavior is a sign of someone who is very insecure and as women, we aren't attracted to insecure men.Yes, but I didn't start pushing it until she suddenly did a 180 in a course of a day only in reaction of something I shouldn't have said. I could've just it alone but I was confused and very irritated. As for her not blocking you...yet...don't get too excited. This is far from an invitation to contact her. Don't push her to the point where she feels like she HAS to block you. I mean, is that what you want?Yes, I wanted her to block me so I wouldn't have anyway to view her profile or a way to contact her. At this point I haven't nothing to say to her.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Yes, but I didn't start pushing it until she suddenly did a 180 in a course of a day only in reaction of something I shouldn't have said. I could've just it alone but I was confused and very irritated. Yes, I wanted her to block me so I wouldn't have anyway to view her profile or a way to contact her. At this point I haven't nothing to say to her. So you can't trust yourself to not reach out to her even now?
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 You can't fix anything, except it as okay or nah. But when you nah you think you can change their mindset. Nope doesn't work like that. You need to move on... I've had situations that were worse and I was able to fix them. Relationship can be complicated but most issues are fixable.
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 OP, you're getting a glimpse of what life would be like living with her insecurities. Are you sure you want to fix this? Maybe just let it go. I think her insecurity would only be an issue at the start. If she and I made it to an established relationship I think it would be a non issue. She made so much improvement in only two dates.
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 I wouldn't continue with someone who threw that amount of uncertainty at me around the third date either. Not worth the investment at all 1
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 The talk of moving probably killed it, but i reckon she also may have lost interest after spending hours in her house with nothing happening...She wanted to take it slow and talk. We had plenty of physical contact minus kissing. She said she had issues with certain types of physical contact so no reason to push it so early.
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 i agree with the other posts. she may not have been super interested in the first place and your news (even though you're not moving anymore) made it easier for her to break up. it's time for you to move on too. especially since she didn't express interest in dating after you said you wouldn't be relocating. don't overanalyze this Then why would she say was interested in a long distance relationship. It makes no sense. Here's basically: She said she never did ldr. I said neither had I. I asked if she wanted to try it and said: Yea. Then I said I woudn't be good at long distance. She repeated basically the same.
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 My guess is on further thought she decided she's just not that into you, M8. you did all you could...told her you're not moving. What more, beg her? She didn't wanna kiss you makes me think she just not that into you...
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 I wouldn't continue with someone who threw that amount of uncertainty at me around the third date either. Not worth the investment at allWhat investment? If I had moved she could've just as easily broke up with me as she did already. Would it have been better if I did move and then tell her, hey guess what?
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 emotional investment...into someone you are lukewarm about.. it's easy 'cuz its been 3ish dates and you sprung it on her...what about if you sprung it on her 3 months???
Author Bantosm Posted August 10, 2017 Author Posted August 10, 2017 So you can't trust yourself to not reach out to her even now? Right now it's not an issue. I have nothing to say to her. After a few weeks, a month I might.
diddilybop Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Then why would she say was interested in a long distance relationship. It makes no sense. Here's basically: She said she never did ldr. I said neither had I. I asked if she wanted to try it and said: Yea. Then I said I woudn't be good at long distance. She repeated basically the same. she may have changed her mind or wanted to be polite. you can't really know for sure but what you do know is that she doesn't want to date you. also, i agree with Michelle ma Belle. she's already expressed to you on what she wants, so, respect her wishes. pushing her to go out with you isn't going to make her to want to date you. do you really want to force someone to date you? give her space, take care of yourself and work on yourself right now, as she may be doing the same.
Author Bantosm Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 emotional investment...into someone you are lukewarm about.. it's easy 'cuz its been 3ish dates and you sprung it on her...what about if you sprung it on her 3 months??? What makes a difference if it had been three days or three years? If the roles were reversed and there was a good chance she had to move I would much prefer that she tell me the situation rather let me know after the fact.
Author Bantosm Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 she may have changed her mind or wanted to be polite. you can't really know for sure but what you do know is that she doesn't want to date you.Yes, she obviously changed her mind. It just seems that change was drive out of fear from her past experiences. also, i agree with Michelle ma Belle. she's already expressed to you on what she wants, so, respect her wishes. pushing her to go out with you isn't going to make her to want to date you. do you really want to force someone to date you? give her space, take care of yourself and work on yourself right now, as she may be doing the same. I was pushing for an answer only to see if was something that could be fixed. I had a couple of similar experiences both were driven by fear/outside circumstances.
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 (edited) What makes a difference if it had been three days or three years? If the roles were reversed and there was a good chance she had to move I would much prefer that she tell me the situation rather let me know after the fact. With some thought she decided it was not worth it to continue. My guess is that she was on the fence and it pushed her off. People looking for relationships don't wanna invest in someone they have little interest in to begin with and could up and move at any time. It's not feasible. Contacting her in a month is just odd...and won't change anything. Unless I miss some part of the story you have only been dating this girl for a couple dates...there's no real 'relationship' here and she just isn't interested anymore. Edited August 11, 2017 by Cookiesandough
diddilybop Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 exactly, Cookiesanddough! i think what we're all trying to say here is that it's time to let it go. it's not worth trying to make "something" out of something so little. she's just not that into the idea of dating you anymore.
Author Bantosm Posted August 16, 2017 Author Posted August 16, 2017 I contacted her. We talked a bit. She said she was only being pleasant during the times we met up. She said didn't have a good time with me and was never interested yet her earlier messages say the opposite. Either way she's lying.
Author Bantosm Posted September 30, 2017 Author Posted September 30, 2017 I recently read through the messages that I exchanged with the lady that this thread concerned. I'm not sure I how missed it but I found something that may explain her sudden turn around. We were supposed to proceed with dating slowly. She mentioned that most of the females in this area are only interested in having babies. I asked what she did to avoid the same fate. She replied by not doing it. After she said that, I said that may have to be move away by the next morning she wanted to break up. If she wanted to take things slowly, is it realistic to think that what I said may have lead to her think I was only looking for sex and explain her sudden change?
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