Maldives Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Why does love have to be so complicated lol. We humans really struggle at love, past baggage and getting hurt and getting past that is not that easy.
Blanco Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 I think this is just a total waste of head space at this point, mark. You had a thread at the start of January that was effectively just like this one. Even if you don't want to reconcile, you're now spending all this time dissecting what she could want of this. That's mental energy that could go toward something more beneficial to you. You seem hung up on this taking the high road thing, as if you owe anything to someone who dipped out on you multiple times. Ignoring her or brushing her off isn't being a jerk; it's you looking out for yourself. 3
anduina Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 She's trying to get your attention for an ego stroke. Don't give in to her head games since you still care about her even if your brain is saying that you don't want to get back with her. Move on with the new girl so your heart and mind align. How could she not want your attention, considering your sense of humor? Croutons, ha ha.
elaine567 Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 My gut right now tells me this: I don't really think she really wants to reconcile but she is definitely a little hurt/angered by my offering no response for a long time. Even though she doesn't truly want to reconcile, she would feel better if she knew I still wanted to reconcile with her. I think my silence (a small form of rejection) has caused her to reach a point where she will finally let go and accept the guilt she has. I am sorry but you have absolutely no idea what she is actually thinking. You are putting your own spin on a generic message that just everyone has used at one time or another. It can mean anything or absolutely nothing at all. YOU are just assuming she is hurt and angered by your refusal to speak to her, but that is just an assumption. Who knows what she really thinks? The dumpee thinks that the hurt is split right down the middle that the dumper is just as upset, mixed up, confused and sad as they are, but that is usually not true. The dumper is in an entirely different place. Projecting your feelings onto this girl is a bad mistake. Thinking you are as important to her as she is to you is a bad mistake. Keeping your mind obsessed with every little word she utters is a bad mistake. I guess she is living her life and shooting off a text every now and again to see if you are feeling better and see if you will talk to her again and she can then feel good about being "friends with her ex"... 2
whatnot Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Why does love have to be so complicated lol. We humans really struggle at love, past baggage and getting hurt and getting past that is not that easy.you're not over her. a 10 year relationship...you're not healed in year. Otherwise, they'd be no 2 pages in love shack about some text. You're just not over her. No Contact is the only way through the guilt *your* feeling. This isn't "past baggage".....it's current baggage. If you wanna play some more....text her back. Otherwise....block her. "I may want to contact her in the future". wtf ?? You're worried about what she'll be thinking of you *when*?? If you wanna quit feeling this way....block her. If you don't....don't block her. it's not complicated. You still want to appear a certain way in her eyes. that's not where I wanna be. I wanna be free. so I maintain nc good luck heck...you're still having power struggles for goodness sakes.
whatnot Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 (edited) you know this text is the nail in the coffin. you don't want the coffin nailed shut. At least...you don't wanna have to be the one who does it by not texting her back. this tells me you're still thinking of a relationship with her. could be wrong. don't think I am. been there..done that it sucks. but there's no way (that I know of) to break up except to face the music, as unpleasant (and terrifying) as those feelings can be good luck Edited August 5, 2017 by whatnot
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Such a waste of your time and emotional energy, OP. You describe her as disrespectful, several times. So do a favor for yourself and allow yourself to finally move on. Stop worrying about maybe wanting to reconnect a few years down the road. That's an excuse you're making to yourself to maybe respond to this woman now. Who cares what may or may not happen in a few years? Chances are you will both long since have moved on by then. This isn't a "crouton", marky, it's more of the same. You're attaching much more importance to it, because it's clear you're not over her. Otherwise, you wouldn't really give a toss that she texted you something mundane, who's got the upper-hand, and so on. This text wouldn't be so significant for you if you weren't holding out hope. You say you don't want reconciliation, so what is it that you want? 3
spiderowl Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 If you don't know why she is contacting you, then what is wrong with asking her? Don't expect anything positive to come from it though. I see no reason why you cannot say something like "Is there some reason you are contacting me?" Then just leave it at that. She probably won't respond because she would not have a sent a message to get that kind of response. That appears to be your only question though.
SpecialJ Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 I don't think this text is a nail in the coffin. I think it's manipulative. You said this is a way that you're familiar with meaning moving on. So great, she's been messaging you and not getting an answer, and now she's trying something more intense to get the response evading her. But she's not being straight forward and she's just sending a text that took her 20 seconds to write. If this is really about, what if I want to contact her in 3 years and she ignores me out of revenge, just forget about that. You don't know how either of you feels in 3 years. Maybe you're both healed and can be friendly. Maybe she's in dire need of attention and answers you but goes back to games. Maybe you're both married to other people with kids. You have no idea -- but if you do contact her, you sound like the kind of person who will say why and not play games or just send out a bland hi. You might say, "hey, it's been a long time, I was thinking about you, I hope you're doing well in life and if you were open to catching up then I'd really like that." Or whatever you want. You wouldn't just say some ambiguous, lazy, or manipulative thing that's probably about your own ego more than anything else. It sounds like she knows why you're not talking to her, and it's justified. She's just trying to push your buttons in a new way for a response. If you don't give her one, I wouldn't be surprised to hear you did hear again from her sometime, or that she didn't try again, because it's all about her. 1
Spartakooty Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 This is a colossal waste of time. Go find a new girlfriend. 1
Blanco Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 If you don't know why she is contacting you, then what is wrong with asking her? Don't expect anything positive to come from it though. I see no reason why you cannot say something like "Is there some reason you are contacting me?" Then just leave it at that. She probably won't respond because she would not have a sent a message to get that kind of response. That appears to be your only question though. Because this seems to be the game the OP is perpetually stuck in. His ex reaches out with a text like that every now and again, OP racks his brain trying to decipher the meaning behind it, doesn't bother to actually just ASK his ex what she wants, nothing comes of it, repeat a few months later. 1
BC1980 Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 You said you wanted to keep the door open to being friends with her in the future. If that's really all you want, then it should be easy to shoot her a text that says you wish her well but aren't ready to be friends and you'll let her know when the time comes, etc. But I have a feeling that's not what you really want. 1
Blanco Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 I was skimming your other breadcrumbs thread from January of this year, and it's alarming how similar it is to this one; to the point where I had to check and make sure I wasn't accidentally reading this one. Mark, you aren't going to be friends with this woman. You have wondered on here many times whether or not she's "evil." There's too much history and too much toxicity for you to ever be real friends with her. And I won't even get into the, ahem, "me love you long time" dynamic of this "relationship." Seriously, man, get over it. 3
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