LostHisWay Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 (edited) Hey, all. Long-time reader but infrequent-poster. Need advice with regards to my current confusing(!) dating situation, so I appreciate anyone and everyone who chimes in here. Long story short, I began to hook up with a friend who I liked but who had a boyfriend back in March. It happened a couple times, then we stopped for a month or so, but then it picked back up heavily in May. We proceeded to have quite a bit of sex over the next few weeks and got very close, emotionally. We talked about her issues with her boyfriend, how she felt about him, how she had grown to really like me, etc. Eventually, I started to grow real feelings for her and got tired of being the sidepiece. I told her one day after an incident that I couldn't keep doing this, that I wanted her but wasn't willing to share her anymore. We didn't communicate for a week before she reached out. It ended up in more sex for a couple of weeks before she broke things off with her boyfriend in late June. Now this is where it gets rollercoaster-y. We began to spend a LOT of time together immediately after they broke up, usually through her requests, and went on dates and hung out in group settings with her friends. We talked every day, spent almost entire weekends together, were very sweet and loving in our messages to one another. I understand the natural need for time and space after break-ups so I would refrain from contacting first in order to not be overwhelming, but she continued to reach out daily and heavily. That is, until a couple weeks ago. We had a Sunday lunch date where things went well, talked like normal the rest of the day, but then Monday came and she went quiet on me. She didn't reach out. It bothered me but I didn't say anything. She eventually text me late at night but her tone had changed. The sweetness and affection had largely disappeared. She was kind of just dry. It's been like that for the last couple of weeks. We still talk every day but not as frequent and there's a difference in her tone. It went from very romantic and loving to more casual and friendly. Sometimes it even feels bland, like she's talking to me just to do so. We talked about it a little last week after she got upset that I was acting differently (I didn't initiate sex one night), and all she really said was that she has feelings for me but that she can't be as loving or sweet until she completely gets over the emotions she has for ex. I get that, but that doesn't explain to sudden drastic change in her approach? Or does it? In any case, she asked me to hang out with her tonight just us two and tomorrow with friends. Obviously at least part of her wants to spend time with me, but I get confused as to how to act or be with her because one minute she wants to be cold and the next warm. The only thing I can think is that she does care for me and doesn't want to lose my attention/affection but isn't ready to be in something serious just yet. That's understandable, but how am I supposed to proceed? Not just in terms of wanting to see her and how to be around her, but in terms of our communication? Again, she's usually the first to make contact on a daily basis - I try to give her time and space - but the convos sometimes have a "blah" feel to them. Edited August 4, 2017 by LostHisWay
smackie9 Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 She just rebounded off of you....used you as her steppingstone to get out of her relationship without too much heartbreak. You were just a buffer for her to move on......ditch the B&^%$ 2
Author LostHisWay Posted August 4, 2017 Author Posted August 4, 2017 (edited) She just rebounded off of you....used you as her steppingstone to get out of her relationship without too much heartbreak. You were just a buffer for her to move on......ditch the B&^%$ Makes sense. So you're saying there's no chance of winning her over then? I'm okay with this ending at any point if that is what is supposed to happen, but I do like her and don't want to throw in the towel if there is a chance. EDIT - BTW, big thanks. You just opened my eyes to what the situation is. Crazy how one can be so caught up in things and not see them for what they really are. Edited August 4, 2017 by LostHisWay
rightondude Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 Makes sense. So you're saying there's no chance of winning her over then? I'm okay with this ending at any point if that is what is supposed to happen, but I do like her and don't want to throw in the towel if there is a chance. EDIT - BTW, big thanks. You just opened my eyes to what the situation is. Crazy how one can be so caught up in things and not see them for what they really are. I kinda disagree. I don't think you were the rebound as you were dunking shots into that basket before she even broke up. I think she may actually be being completely honest with you; she's emotional and taking stock. Just give her space and be there when/if she needs you. Don't smother but don't run ... that is, if you really want to be with her. If you don't, then now's the time to bolt. 2
Author LostHisWay Posted August 4, 2017 Author Posted August 4, 2017 I kinda disagree. I don't think you were the rebound as you were dunking shots into that basket before she even broke up. I think she may actually be being completely honest with you; she's emotional and taking stock. Just give her space and be there when/if she needs you. Don't smother but don't run ... that is, if you really want to be with her. If you don't, then now's the time to bolt. Yeah, I do feel when we have had our rare open convos that she has been pretty honest about everything and how she feels. I definitely know she isn't ready to jump into anything serious right now, but she does continue to reach out to talk to me often (even if coldly) and see me regularly. She even expressed gratitude to me the other day after a rather casual hang out playing kickball that she "knows" it is probably not easy for me to figure out what to do and when but that she had a good time and thought us just hanging out was nice. I'm okay with waiting and giving her time/space. In fact, I'm surprised we've kept talking this much this often. The only thing I guess I need to figure out is how to balance just being friendly/sweet. Like if she hits me with something like, "I don't care where we hang out. I just want to see you," do I act sweet back or nonchalant or friendly or funny?
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