She only sees me as a friend

August 4, 2017

Hello there,

18 year old guy here,with a female best friend(also 18).We have known eachother for 12 years(were in the same class for our whole lives,small town).I have always found her attractive but in the last 3 years i was really thinking about it and in this year i fell in love with her.I thought she liked me too since she would hug me for no good reason,just smile and ask for a high-five once i helped a teacher with the projector or when i was leaving the class to go the bathroom,i looked back and she was smiling and waving at me .

Anyways,we spent some days together at the capital city(didn't know she was going until 2 days before,so it was unexpected)shopping mainly at the mall with her friends.Being with her outside the normal environment was nice.She went back to town 3 days before me, so when she left i told her best friend that i have feelings for her and she told that she hasn't heard anything about me but she will ask discretely and will find out.

She came back saying that she has a soft spot for me and really likes my personality and humor but she currently sees me only as friend but that may change...So i thought,ok that's good,there's a chance.Surprised a little because as i said,i thought she had feelings too.

To keep the story short i might write things quickly.All the following events have happened in a span of 1 month.

I asked her to go out together(just walk,eat something and talk)for the subject.She told me the same things as her friend said in the message.Time passes by,her friends are trying to convince her to try it with me,in the hopes that it will kickstart her feelings but she is confused(they say).One day her friend tells me that i have the "pass" to kiss her,and i said what do you mean?She said that they were talking about this subject(in general) and she wouldn't mind it she said.So,next day we go out for the same usual walk/date thing(not really a date..) and i was planning to kiss her at the end of the walk but her mother came unexpectedly(99% on purpose),so that plan burned off.We go back out our homes and i text her that "your mother ruined the night for us","i wanted to end the walk with a hug,maybe a kiss...".In that walk we talked about what attracts us in the opposite sex and she said she likes a confident and powerful man,when he wants something he will do anything to get it,and she said she says it in general...(pretty sure she doesn't see me that way)

She said"i wanted to kiss you in the cheek,but my mother...".I told her "mine wouldn't be on the cheeks ;)". She said "tomorrow...tomorrow..."As we have planned to go in a club with her friends the next day.So we are at the club the next night and i tell her if she wants to go out of the club for a little with me.We go on an alley, and she just told that she hasn't done it(kissed)for a long time and told her don't worry me too.So i put my hands on her waist and starting kissing her on the cheeks and neck.Then some light ones in the mouth.(She was pretty inexperienced).We went to another location and she sat in my lap,and then we started kissing normally(no tongue tho,we don't know how).She told me "we are not in a relationship, we are just expirementing".This was for 30 minutes.We go back,we dance blah blah.Next day comes i text her,"how was last night (when we were together ) "and she told me that she prefers to do such things with someone that she has feelings for...)So i tell"So you don't want this to happen again?"She said "I will once i feel the same"

10 days after the kiss(first time we went out again).I ask her if she had anything to say to me and she said not really.I told her that i was super jealous because she was talking to a guy in the club last night we were there as agroup of friends,said that she wasn't interested in him,she just liked his accent and he was the one striking the conversation...Tells me,why were you jealous since we don't have any form of "romantic commitment(something like that,cant translate it directly)" and i told her it's the male inside me that's competitive and assertive.I asked her if she has changed her feelings at all from the beginning of the implication and she said not really,so basically i am just her plain ol' best friend.

We will go in different ways in 1 month(each one will be studying abroad)but we will meet in vacations every few months and in the summer for 3 full months.99% she will always see me as a friend and i will probably get over her and find a girl where i go, but currently i am pretty struck with her(now i have relaxed about it,but previous days,full on rage and sadness when thinking about it and my family was asking what is wrong with me...)She says that she wants us to communicate with skype while we are appart.I think i have to make some distance with her,forget her,maybe she will forget me a little,so when we meet me again, she will see me as a man and not as a friend???

Any input is welcome...it's 4:50 in the morning here -.-Sorry for the huge post...Like cheeeeeeeeeezus

August 4, 2017

"We will go in different ways in 1 month(each one will be studying abroad)but we will meet in vacations every few months and in the summer for 3 full months.99% she will always see me as a friend and i will probably get over her and find a girl where i go"

bump that 99 up a point and you're right on.

Move on, there will be ****tons of girls at your school. When you go do back for vacation and see this other girl, you will then have the confidence to make whatever happen happen.

Young man, if I were in your shoes right now I would say toughen up that ego, never fear being shot down, and approach each and every woman you find attractive. If you don't, you WILL regret it.

August 4, 2017

A very long post to say that you are in the friend zone. That usually means certain death of any romantic plans. It is like changing your feelings towards your brother and seeing him as your boyfriend. Very hard to do. Do yourself a favor and find a girl that you can date anytime you wait. Don't wait for someone who does not love you as a potential mate. Some girls just do not want to hurt your feelings and say they like you as a friend when they really mean no way, no how.

August 4, 2017

Hello there,
18 year old guy here,with a female best friend(also 18).We have known eachother for 12 years(were in the same class for our whole lives,small town).I have always found her attractive but in the last 3 years i was really thinking about it and in this year i fell in love with her.I thought she liked me too since she would hug me for no good reason,just smile and ask for a high-five once i helped a teacher with the projector or when i was leaving the class to go the bathroom,i looked back and she was smiling and waving at me .

Anyways,we spent some days together at the capital city(didn't know she was going until 2 days before,so it was unexpected)shopping mainly at the mall with her friends.Being with her outside the normal environment was nice.She went back to town 3 days before me, so when she left i told her best friend that i have feelings for her and she told that she hasn't heard anything about me but she will ask discretely and will find out.

She came back saying that she has a soft spot for me and really likes my personality and humor but she currently sees me only as friend but that may change...So i thought,ok that's good,there's a chance.Surprised a little because as i said,i thought she had feelings too.

To keep the story short i might write things quickly.All the following events have happened in a span of 1 month.

I asked her to go out together(just walk,eat something and talk)for the subject.She told me the same things as her friend said in the message.Time passes by,her friends are trying to convince her to try it with me,in the hopes that it will kickstart her feelings but she is confused(they say).One day her friend tells me that i have the "pass" to kiss her,and i said what do you mean?She said that they were talking about this subject(in general) and she wouldn't mind it she said.So,next day we go out for the same usual walk/date thing(not really a date..) and i was planning to kiss her at the end of the walk but her mother came unexpectedly(99% on purpose),so that plan burned off.We go back out our homes and i text her that "your mother ruined the night for us","i wanted to end the walk with a hug,maybe a kiss...".In that walk we talked about what attracts us in the opposite sex and she said she likes a confident and powerful man,when he wants something he will do anything to get it,and she said she says it in general...(pretty sure she doesn't see me that way)

She said"i wanted to kiss you in the cheek,but my mother...".I told her "mine wouldn't be on the cheeks ;)". She said "tomorrow...tomorrow..."As we have planned to go in a club with her friends the next day.So we are at the club the next night and i tell her if she wants to go out of the club for a little with me.We go on an alley, and she just told that she hasn't done it(kissed)for a long time and told her don't worry me too.So i put my hands on her waist and starting kissing her on the cheeks and neck.Then some light ones in the mouth.(She was pretty inexperienced).We went to another location and she sat in my lap,and then we started kissing normally(no tongue tho,we don't know how).She told me "we are not in a relationship, we are just expirementing".This was for 30 minutes.We go back,we dance blah blah.Next day comes i text her,"how was last night (when we were together ) "and she told me that she prefers to do such things with someone that she has feelings for...)So i tell"So you don't want this to happen again?"She said "I will once i feel the same"

10 days after the kiss(first time we went out again).I ask her if she had anything to say to me and she said not really.I told her that i was super jealous because she was talking to a guy in the club last night we were there as agroup of friends,said that she wasn't interested in him,she just liked his accent and he was the one striking the conversation...Tells me,why were you jealous since we don't have any form of "romantic commitment(something like that,cant translate it directly)" and i told her it's the male inside me that's competitive and assertive.I asked her if she has changed her feelings at all from the beginning of the implication and she said not really,so basically i am just her plain ol' best friend.

We will go in different ways in 1 month(each one will be studying abroad)but we will meet in vacations every few months and in the summer for 3 full months.99% she will always see me as a friend and i will probably get over her and find a girl where i go, but currently i am pretty struck with her(now i have relaxed about it,but previous days,full on rage and sadness when thinking about it and my family was asking what is wrong with me...)She says that she wants us to communicate with skype while we are appart.I think i have to make some distance with her,forget her,maybe she will forget me a little,so when we meet me again, she will see me as a man and not as a friend???

Any input is welcome...it's 4:50 in the morning here -.-Sorry for the huge post...Like cheeeeeeeeeezus

You didn't listen to what type of guy she wants. You said it up there. So you are only her guy friend that's all you will ever be. She wants something different than what you are inside. Your the fun dude not her sex dude. You can now start looking for another girl you can fall in love with and be happy the other girl will only like you as friend. You can't change her mind over this.

Women/girls

Some want a brawny guy

Some want a fun guy

You will be her friend only mate..

August 4, 2017

She is not attracted to you! she tried kissing you and felt nothing.

Time to move on and hopefully you can stay friends.

August 4, 2017

She is not attracted to you! she tried kissing you and felt nothing.

Time to move on and hopefully you can stay friends.

That's what i figured out and frankly that's what she said also.We both said,that maybe in the future,when see eachother again,maybe it will "click".Is it possible that the time we will spend apart will detach the "only friend"tag that her brain has put on for me?The months that we will be apart,i think will help me get over her and then hopefully continue our friendship,without me catching feelings again once we meet again in vacation...

August 4, 2017

Girls can be emotionally attached without having romantic feelings...this can't be with most guys, it's usually they are not interested or they are all in. This is why it gets confusing for both.

She's still developing, learning more about herself, and eventually she will know the difference between friendly love and romantic love, but at this moment she is still figuring it out.

Sorry bud but if it's not there, it's not there for her. You are best to move on and by all means have fun in college....there will be a smorgasbord of foreign girls to choose from.

August 4, 2017

Best course of action is to Simply date other women and not focus on her. Which will be easier if you're dating other women.

August 4, 2017

Your biggest problem is that you're too young to know what you will know when you're 28. Here's what you will know (hopefully) then, but keep in mind that it will be exceedingly difficult to implement this now...unfortunately, the only way to use experience is after you get it:

* People, particularly women, but men also, are attracted to things that they feel are better than them. Mature women sometimes recognize that kindness, sensitivity, and empathy are included in that but it also includes need. If a woman senses that you need her before she is fully committed (i.e. in love with you), it will be very hard for her to want you.

LESSON: Do not be overly invested in any woman until she is fully invested in you.

* People, particularly women, want to be pursued. It is generally in our biology that females are the pursued and it fits with most women's mindset that if a man is not going to pursue her, he is either too good for her or too scared. If you believe you are too good for her and act that way, then see the previous lesson...she may try to attract you. But if she thinks you are scared, she CANNOT be attracted to you. How does she tell the difference? If you are super nice and solicitous toward her without any return on her part (going shopping with her, BS kissing when she told you she has no feelings, etc.) then she knows that you are not better than her and that you are just scared.

LESSON: Do not sell yourself short. If you do not want to be just her friend, make sure that she gives as much to you as you do to her.

* Women are generally attracted to men that like women. If she thinks that you are only interested in her, she again feels like she is better than you. See lesson one. So pursue other girls, even ones that are not "as good" as her.

LESSON: Do not hitch your wagon to one person until you are in a committed relationship with her

* It is better to try and fail than it is to wonder if. Next time, don't wait for the end of the walk. Let her get two steps ahead of you, grab her hand, pull her toward you, and kiss her. Don't get rapey, obviously, but if you sense the possibility, be confident. If she really doesn't want to be kissed, she will push you away.

LESSON: Surprise her by making it clear what you want and when you want it.

* Be confident in your plans. Don't ask her if she wants to go for a walk. Tell her you'll see her at 7. When she asks what you want to do, have plans. 90% of guys of all ages suck as making plans so if you say, let's have dinner at ___ and catch a movie afterward, you're ahead of most men.

LESSON: Make plans.

* There are a ton of great women out there. You're young. You don't know that. If she (or anyone else) is not that into you, move on. There will be many women that like you and want to spend time with you. Don't waste your time on one that thinks you're only friend material. That includes time on Skype.

LESSON: Don't be so dang available.

There area a ton of other lessons but I hope that gets you started. Look at her as an experiment but don't get sucked in. There are so many opportunities on your near-term horizon that you will forget about being friendzoned in no time.

August 4, 2017

Really helpful advice.It is true that i do make myself seem like i only like her(which is true,but the truth doesn't always need to be portrayed )and i am available all the time,since i don't work and just sit around in my computer.I have started telling her"I want to go out with you,you free tomorrow?"but she is pretty busy, so it rarely works...

I pretty much need to:

- Make me harder to reach

- See other women,or say that i am seeing other women

- Be more confident and seem more in control

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