Jsos91 Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Hi all, I've posted a few times about my situation and I'm just looking for some advice. My ex ended our engagement back in May and after a couple weeks NC sent me a breadcrumb message with the whole "I miss you" and the "I don't know what I want" bit. I basically shut her down and said I needed her to back off so I could move on and that I couldn't be her friend right now. Anyways, since then she's sent me a few messages, one was about my headphones, another was regarding our banking we had together, she even reached out to my mom about a pair of shoes which was kind of odd. Each time she reached out I kept it businesslike and really short, I didn't offer up any information on my life. I will admit every time she reached out, it picked at the scab a bit and set me back. She left for a placement in Sri Lanka a few weeks back and I felt a bit of relief because I figured that there was NO WAY I'd hear from her while she was away, I saw absolutely no reason that I would. Well a couple days ago I received an email from her about an email she received from Sony about changing the password on a playstation account (it was her account, not mine). She asked if I needed it and that she hoped I'd been doing well. I immediately felt a sense of frustration when I received the email because such a mundane and short message just threw me right off, I hadn't heard from her in a month and I had been starting to feel better about things. Her timing is just impeccable lol. My question is, should this be the point where I tell her that the ONLY reason I want to hear from her is if she wants to reconcile, otherwise I'll reach out if I ever have interest in being friends? or should I just leave it? I feel like every time she reaches out I just think, this has to be the last time I'll hear from her, I leave it be, and then out of nowhere she contacts me again. I don't want to be presumptuous and assume theres an ulterior motive for her messages and I don't know if she realizes what she does when she contacts me so I don't want to be mean but I think I need to draw a line.
preraph Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Yes I think it's completely fair for you to tell her you only want to hear from her if she wants to work on reconciling in a romantic relationship. Tell her otherwise you are going to focus on moving on and finding someone new. Good luck. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Why did she end the engagement? Do you still hold on to hope that you'll reconcile?
Zahara Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 She left because she didn't feel the same anymore and she had a crush on another guy? You placed a boundary once before and she completely ignored it. I'm not sure if it will stick this time but you can be firm again and then ignore. I think she reaches out because she gets a response from you. Any attention is attention. Don't give her that anymore.
Author Jsos91 Posted August 3, 2017 Author Posted August 3, 2017 Why did she end the engagement? Do you still hold on to hope that you'll reconcile? The reasons she gave me for ending things were because she was second guessing the direction her life was going in and on top of it she had a crush on one of her classmates. My pride and self respect tell me that I shouldn't reconcile but I do still love her. I've just flip flopped on what I'd do if she ever came back constantly and as soon as Im feeling more confident and sure of myself without her, she sends me some kind of communication.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 The reasons she gave me for ending things were because she was second guessing the direction her life was going in and on top of it she had a crush on one of her classmates. My pride and self respect tell me that I shouldn't reconcile but I do still love her. I've just flip flopped on what I'd do if she ever came back constantly and as soon as Im feeling more confident and sure of myself without her, she sends me some kind of communication. I totally get it which is why you NEED to tell her to stop reaching out with petty minutia. You said it yourself that you get better when NC and then she blows in and f*cks it all up. Reconciliation? That's your call but any ex finance of mine who left me for any reason never mind for some stupid crush on another person, DONE!
ayoung73 Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 I think you’re on the right track! You don’t have to be mean as you draw the line. Maybe she feels badly about the way she conducted herself and wants to make sure you are ok, maybe this or that, as you said, it does no good to presume or assume anything. I would suggest getting together with her, discuss your feelings, what she wants, what you want, and as you stated, and if it’s not about reconciliation then tell her what YOU need! Be honest, but don’t be mean, and let’s say she does want to get back together, there’s a reason she broke it off, it needs to be addressed, and I think premarital counseling or just couples therapy would be ideal. You are right, you’ll never heal or move on with all these setbacks, I’m sorry that you have to go through this, but I’d bet you’ll end up better off and I believe there is something she has to say or an emotion she wants to convey to you, otherwise she wouldn’t be contacting you.
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