DesertDweller Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 I am so despressed I've lost the ability to function in every day life but at the same time I'm trapped and cannot seem to end it. It's horible beyond words. I'm sorry to hear of your depression. I take medication for clinical depression. It took awhile to work, but when it did, my outlook vastly improved. I will never again allow a man to cause me so much pain. You can do it, too. Replace your thoughts of him with a pleasant image. You don't have to dwell on him. Is he really worth all of your misery? Why are you giving him so much power over your life, your health? Take control of your thoughts and emotions. There are some good books on the subject. Finally, are you taking any antidepressants? If not, maybe you should see a doctor--it doesn't have to be a psychiatrist--about a diagnosis/prescription. Moderator's Note: This post and those that follow were split from another thread in the OM/OW forum, as they represented a different topic
DepressedWaiting Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Thanks Desert. No, I don't take anti-depressants. The ONLY reason I am in such a deep depression is because of HIM. Otherwise I would be HAPPY, therefore I don't believe in using drugs to solve this problem. That is not the answer. Not for me. If I were clinically depressed and didn't know why that would be a different story however that's not the case with me therefore I am strongly against taking such drugs. This past entire month I have been so depressed (wondering if my MM will turn out to be like the rest) and in so much pain I can't even put it into words. No, he's not worth it and I'm very close to a break through as I have to do something because I can't go on like this.
Marie1973 Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Desert- Your welcome. I wanted to share my story with other OW so they don't make the same mistake as I did. Don't fall for all the lies & charm they give you. Its all BS. No one deserves to treat another human being like that. Its not right. Yes i will have a much better life now, a normal life, with someone my own age & that will treat me good not 2nd best. I will never let anyone treat me & use me like my MM just did. I've learned a really good lessons from this.
DepressedWaiting Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 I have made the decision that I am going to tell my MM's wife everything. I strongly disagree with those who claim I should not do this. If kids are involved then I agree it is not the right thing to do and I should just walk away and let it be. However in cases where children are not involved I firmly believe in telling the wife and not letting the MM get away with this. He lied to his wife the same way he lied to me. If I were the wife I would WANT to know exactly what my husband has been doing behind my back. I cannot get over this and move on with my life until I do so. If I don't do this I will end up like every other OW on this forum trapped in this misery and non-ending cycle. I REFUSE! I have tried everything. My MM has put me in such a deep depression it has literally become disabling. It has destroyed my life and put me in such a deep pain I cannot even put it into words. I cry all day long, I barely make it through the night. Pain, pain and more pain is all I know for the past 2+ years. Once I do this my MM will NEVER speak to me again, this is 100%. His wife has threatened divorce in the past (more than once) and to take him to the cleaners. He is one of those MM who is deathly afraid of losing half of everything.
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 He lied to his wife the same way he lied to me. If I were the wife I would WANT to know exactly what my husband has been doing behind my back. That is you, what you would want, but you don't know this woman (only from what he's told you and honestly he probably has lied about some things about her) and what really is in her head. She probably knows he's been cheating but has chosen to stay. Is it worth it to you? To tell her? And remember, you will get some of the heat, she could come after you too. I cannot get over this and move on with my life until I do so. If I don't do this I will end up like every other OW on this forum trapped in this misery and non-ending cycle. I REFUSE! I have tried everything. My MM has put me in such a deep depression it has literally become disabling. It has destroyed my life and put me in such a deep pain I cannot even put it into words. I cry all day long, I barely make it through the night. Pain, pain and more pain is all I know for the past 2+ years. Once I do this my MM will NEVER speak to me again, this is 100%. You have to make your own closure, be in control too. YOU have the power...By telling her, ruining her life as she knows it I don't think will make you feel satisfied. Yes, you'll probably demolish HIS life and that could make you feel good - But take the time to think this through. There are other measures of getting your closure and that is living YOUR life, happily. Get some therapy and completely put him out of your head. Change your phone number, email and IM. Throw out anything that reminds you of him. Right now you are a mess, so it sounds but you DO have the power to let go of him...He isn't worth a tear anymore. I've not been an OW but I can understand your pain. Take it one day at a time and change your way of thinking. He pops into your head in any way, shape or form - Just STOP. Distract yourself, call a friend, put on the TV, go for a walk or do some yoga. Hate to say this cliche, but it's true. Time does heal all wounds...
floatinglotus Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by DepressedWaiting I have made the decision that I am going to tell my MM's wife everything. I strongly disagree with those who claim I should not do this. If kids are involved then I agree it is not the right thing to do and I should just walk away and let it be. However in cases where children are not involved I firmly believe in telling the wife and not letting the MM get away with this. He lied to his wife the same way he lied to me. If I were the wife I would WANT to know exactly what my husband has been doing behind my back. I cannot get over this and move on with my life until I do so. If I don't do this I will end up like every other OW on this forum trapped in this misery and non-ending cycle. I REFUSE! I have tried everything. My MM has put me in such a deep depression it has literally become disabling. It has destroyed my life and put me in such a deep pain I cannot even put it into words. I cry all day long, I barely make it through the night. Pain, pain and more pain is all I know for the past 2+ years. Once I do this my MM will NEVER speak to me again, this is 100%. His wife has threatened divorce in the past (more than once) and to take him to the cleaners. He is one of those MM who is deathly afraid of losing half of everything. My Dear, I told the wife and have not looked back. If I hadn't, I'd still be the miserable wreck I had been and would not be getting on with my life. After telling her, a flood of relief came over me. Everyone I've seen since has commented about how I look so happy and my life has taken a turn for the better. Let me know if you need any help. FL
DepressedWaiting Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Floating, Thanks for your response. Yes, I know this is my ONLY way out. I know if I do not go this route I will be trapped in this forever. I know the wife would want to know in this case. I do not wish to go into detail as it is a bit difficult to get others to understand my specific situation just by reading my thoughts here at this forum. What was the outcome after you told his wife everything, do you know if the MM and his wife are still married or did the wife divorce him? I am just curious. Also, how long did your affair go on? My MM has been married for 4 years and has been with me for 3 years, almost the entire time he has been married! But it has only been serious these past two years. I managed to get 30 minutes of sleep last night, I am so devastated and in such severe pain I cannot put it into words. I simply cannot let him get away with this. I need closure and that is my ONLY way. I have walked away in the past and had zero contact with him for 4 months... instead of getting better... I got much worse as each day passed.
SoftDrink Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 depressed, why don't you start your start your own thread, or ask the moderators to move some of these posts to a separate thread?
DepressedWaiting Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 SoftDrink, Good point. I was going to do that but then just didn't get around to it. I didn't think I was going to post so much and hi-jack the thread. This past month I hit a really low point with my MM and have been flipping out on him constantly. Nothing but turmoil and screaming every single time I talk to him for the past 8 months. Now he is turning it against me saying I am causing too much turmoil as literally every single time we talk (I mean EVERY SINGLE time) I go into a pure rage. I scream at him calling him a liar and how he is just using me and stringing me along. I tell him how disgusting I think he is and how he doesn't really care for me. I constantly threaten to tell his wife everything as well. I even tape recorded his phone conversations and showed it to him that I mean business. He put up with this constant turmoil and stress for over 8 months. Now he is using this turmoil to his advantage twisting things around saying that it's because of ME and the constant turmoil that he cannot progress with a divorce. He is full of sh*t. He is either too stupid to realize that if he simply did a better job of convincing me that things will change if there was NO turmoil I would be able to remain calm and give him the benefit of the doubt... but instead he does the opposite! He has not delayed divorce a single time yet, there has been no deadline set. That is why, go fiqure. If had delayed it even a single time I would not be sitting here giving him a second chance with an extened deadline. NOWAY. This man is full of it. He knows darned well he should be re-assuring me and comforting me that things are going to change and more importantly tell me WHEN they are going to change. He does not do this and is using my turmoil as an excuse. I am no longer going to allow him to use that as his clever little tatic... not anymore. Am I the ONLY one here who puts their MM through h*ll and non-ending turmoil? I know most affairs end when the MM gets fed up with the turmoil so I refuse to believe I am alone on this one. EDIT: I really should have started my own thread. Maybe the moderators can move my posts or whatnot.
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