GorillaTheater Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 It could mean a lot of things, which is why personally I'd have trouble processing it, too. Are you a lot more solicitous than you ought to be or than they're used to? Beats me. I don't know that I'd spend too much time thinking about it unless you hear that more than once or twice from different women. I got that after a couple of dates once. Some folks here might be shocked to learn that, and I certainly never considered myself to be overly "nice". Made me wonder just what the hell she was used to. 1
ChatroomHero Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Been there. I noticed people like that say how much they hate drama. People like that live in a perpetual state of drama and love it. 2
Author Jamie_1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 We spoke on and off for about a week on POF. We discussed date ideas and she suggested going to kfc because she felt too awkward going to a more formal setting. So we agreed to meet up the day after tomorrow and the day before the date she pulls this bull****?
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 We spoke on and off for about a week on POF. We discussed date ideas and she suggested going to kfc because she felt too awkward going to a more formal setting. So we agreed to meet up the day after tomorrow and the day before the date she pulls this bull****? It's not Bull $%^&, she has anxiety. Don't take it personally, she has issues...move onto the next. 2
littleblackheart Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Take it as a compliment! Maybe your date doesn't like nice people, and you dodged a bullet Just let it go and focus on the next date. 1
Author Jamie_1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 It's not Bull $%^&, she has anxiety. Don't take it personally, she has issues...move onto the next. I know. And I never took it out on her, but it has left me feeling utterly dejected. The irony is I suffer from generalised anxiety, so I can definitely relate to her.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I know. And I never took it out on her, but it has left me feeling utterly dejected. The irony is I suffer from generalised anxiety, so I can definitely relate to her. well then there is nothing to really complain about....it is what it is. Focus on your coping skills because there's going to be a lot more rejection in your future to deal with. 1
Art_Critic Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I know. And I never took it out on her, but it has left me feeling utterly dejected. The irony is I suffer from generalised anxiety, so I can definitely relate to her. Nothing you can do, don't even bother playing the bad guy/nice guy crap with women..be yourself and only yourself.. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 You should just be glad she showed her red flags so early 1
Author Jamie_1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 well then there is nothing to really complain about....it is what it is. Focus on your coping skills because there's going to be a lot more rejection in your future to deal with. I can handle rejection. But it's different when it's at the 11th hour because i'm "too nice"
Art_Critic Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 "You want nice.. I'll show you nice"......get on your kne.............. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 You probably didn't do anything wrong. If this is a pattern in your life, people thinking you are too nice, perhaps you could stand to be more assertive. But if she's the 1st person to mention this, assume it's her & be happy that she self selected out of your life. 1
tetrahedral Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I don't even know how the **** to process that. Based on your prior posts on here, she's probably right. No need to get angry. When people say someone is "too nice", they don't necessarily mean it literally. Like, they're not thinking, "damn I wish this dude would beat me up, he's so nice, I hate it". It's more like, "I feel that this guy is trying chase me and to earn my approval. I feel like he's showering me in attentiveness and thoughtfulness, despite the fact that we've never even met, and I haven't done anything to earn it. I feel like he has high expectations for me, and I don't even know if I like him. This isn't sexy." Due to the fact that people are bad at describing their own emotions, that often comes out as "you're too nice". Now, you can respond to the criticism of being "too nice" in one of two ways. You can assume that you're a flawless angel, fallen upon a miserable world, and the person who said that is just a horrible human being. Or, you can think critically about whether or not some of your personality traits may be turning off women. 5
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 She probably means that you are "too vanilla" for her. I have used the same excuse before and it just meant that someone's personality is too plain in a way - they do and say all the expected boring things. I go for guys that are sarcastic and edgy while also being kind. 2
KBob Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I can handle rejection. But it's different when it's at the 11th hour because i'm "too nice" If you want to online date you'll need to develop thicker skin, because you'll run into excuses, ghosting, no showing, and anything else you can think of quite often. Don't let this get into your head too much. It's beneficial to look inward and ask yourself if there's anything you can do to be more interesting, confident, etc., but beating yourself up over one woman whom you never met won't do you any good. 2
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 People when dating need to reject others usually in the least confrontational way possible so "I am sorry you are lovely, but too nice for me" is easy to say and usually doesn't offend the person they are saying it to. Telling the absolute truth may offend and/or elicit an aggressive response so most use bland reasons to explain as to why they do not want to go on a date or take a relationship further in the early stages. Would these reasons have made you feel any better? You are as boring as hell... You are too posh/too lower class for me... You are far too stupid. My mother/father would hate you. YOU are too aggressive/too passive. You remind me of my ex and not in a good way. You have absolutely no ambition or drive. Your looks do not turn me on. I am not attracted to you at all. My friend thinks you are ugly... I may be desperate, but on reflection not that desperate yet... I was only trying to make my ex jealous, I have absolutely no interest in you, whatsoever... Just be glad she only said you are "too nice". 6
kortz Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) When she said 'you're too nice' you should said 'well f**k you then, No but seriously think nothing of it. Online dating on sites like POF is a minefield of people with issues and insecurities and hidden agendas. Forget her and move onto the next. Edited August 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Miss Spider Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) I kind of wish they'd stop using the "too nice" as if being nice itself is the problem and not the lack of other qualities like assertiveness or a dark humor There's a whole legion of men who preach the misconception that being nice itself is thr problem and women love being degraded and treated poorly Thanks to this girl, this guy is prob goung to start taking women to KFC 1st date and being mean to them, and for a very sad portion of women this works and a toxic relationship develops Edited August 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough 8
BluesPower Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 This is a real one for me... There have been many woman the I won't date because they really are too nice for me. I can tell off the bat that they will fall in love too fast and they will be hurt when I don't. Or, if you have sex with then and they think it is love, and I mean come on we slept together once. So for me to "Nice" women it is a real thing. For others though, it could be complete BS.
SammySammy Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Would you want to go to KFC on a first date to have a nice conversation with a nice person? Probably not. She was bored at the mere thought of that. Not being "nice" doesn't mean being mean and nasty to women. Just ... different. Not typical. Interesting.
Author Jamie_1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 I kind of wish they'd stop using the "too nice" as if being nice itself is the problem and not the lack of other qualities like assertiveness or a dark humor There's a whole legion of men who preach the misconception that being nice itself is thr problem and women love being degraded and treated poorly Thanks to this girl, this guy is prob goung to start taking women to KFC 1st date and being mean to them, and for a very sad portion of women this works and a toxic relationship develops I'm not going to be mean to anyone. But I have realized that I can't go into dating/OLD with the mindset that "I want to make people feel good" because it's getting me nowhere.
Author Jamie_1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Would you want to go to KFC on a first date to have a nice conversation with a nice person? Probably not. She was bored at the mere thought of that. Not being "nice" doesn't mean being mean and nasty to women. Just ... different. Not typical. Interesting. I wanted to take her to a nice restaurant, but she told me just to go to KFC with her. Again HER suggestion, not mine.
rightondude Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I'm not going to be mean to anyone. But I have realized that I can't go into dating/OLD with the mindset that "I want to make people feel good" because it's getting me nowhere. You can certainly go in with that mindset, offer rather empty compliments to people based solely on their looks and maybe chats, and they probably will feel good about themselves for a bit. But it's not going to necessarily make them want to date you and reciprocate. Just work on yourself. Take care of your anxiety and "build your brand." Once you've built up legit confidence because of your accomplishments, you'll be a lot better off.
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