girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Just a backstory for context: I quite literally met the man of my dreams 4 months ago. Great personality, ticks all my boxes re physical appearance, lovely family, intelligent, etc. Leading up to us talking for the first time, he had continually made eye contact with me, would stare as I walked past him etc. I didn't notice all of this until a colleague noticed it first and told me. I would downplay it until I saw it for myself and not even I could deny it. The first month in terms of face to face conversations was great. His interest was reinforced through his body language (excessive smiling, standing close to me, complimenting me) but although he was obviously attracted to me, he still has quite a reserved persona. He's shown interest without being over the top, which is fine, who likes O.T.T too soon? Not me. We hadn't spoken for about 6 weeks, we only just resumed face to face contact a week ago. In summary, he was evidently having a bad day one day (which I recently put together) and I got the vibe in lieu of a 'cold' conversation from him that he no longer must have liked me. I was distant with him and it played on my mind but I found there wasn't much I could do, I refused to experience that awkwardness again, but there was still that excessive eye contact when we hadn't been speaking and I couldn't therefore deny there was still something there, whether it be minuscule or big. We resumed conversation recently and he was back to normal. Even gave me the "long time no speak" line and was lovely, again, without coming on too strong but still had all the body language. I complimented his suit and he started to show it all off to me :laugh: He even mentioned that his sister had been asking about if he's seen me lately. His sister told my mom that she's lucky I'm her daughter, so he must have the vibe from her that I'm a good girl (not to brag, just empirical evidence here to add further context) Obviously the feelings on my part haven't gone away. He knows I am rather successful in academic pursuits, I dress extremely classily and evidently suggests I'm girlfriend material, not just a one night stand girl. Could he be holding back asking me out in light of my connection with his sister (even though I knew him before I knew her), and the fact I'm driven and classy (so I've been told by others) as opposed to 'easy' girls I know of which he's hooked up with in the past and met that night? I just find there's no use sitting on my hands when it's playing on my mind. It's not fair on me for the most part and pointless to sit on something and not do anything. My sister in law is having birthday drinks in two weeks, should I ask him if he wants to join? To add further: every guy who has ghosted or hurt me in the past has always come on strong from the beginning in terms of chatting me up and making me think they're sincere. This guy has shown interest but hasn't been over the top like others, he has shown interest like the other guys but in a more refined way, upon comparison with the other guys. Hence as he's showing a different approach re interest, he may sincerely like me? I don't know, tell me I'm delusional if you have too.
trailwolf Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 i would say sure , why not , go for it you really have nothing to lose ! 2
clia Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 How do you know him? Do you know for a fact that he's single?
Author girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 We met through work (we work completely seperate to each other so that isn't an issue), and I coincidently befriended his sister outside of work a month later. He is single as far as I know, although I'm unsure if he's talking to other girls. I'm resigned to the fact he is given he'd be almost everyone's type.
CptInsano Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 If this is still the same guy you have been writing about, then by all means yes. But keep in mind that he has had literally every opportunity to talk to you in the past, so keep your expectations low. I know few men who are interested, available and don't act when they don't even need an excuse to chat with a woman. 4
Author girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Same guy yes. I am bearing in mind we hadn't spoken for 6 and a bit weeks, only recently getting back on the wagon of face to face contact. I do hear what you're saying, I'm keeping my expectations re the drinks low, but I can't deny I've fallen for him in light of the past months. It was literally instant, it usually takes me lifetimes to feel close to a guy. 1
CptInsano Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Same guy yes. I am bearing in mind we hadn't spoken for 6 and a bit weeks, only recently getting back on the wagon of face to face contact. I do hear what you're saying, I'm keeping my expectations re the drinks low, but I can't deny I've fallen for him in light of the past months. It was literally instant, it usually takes me lifetimes to feel close to a guy. I hear ya, but then it's even more important that you ask him out, even if it is just to get a definite answer. You seem to be just stuck in neutral at this point and not going anywhere. Any action on your side would be progress from my point of view. 2
Author girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Neutral is the perfect word. I guess I have nothing to lose! 2
Miss Spider Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Is he outgoing? Or more shy around you? I say 100% ask him, if anything just to get out of this limbo! 1
Author girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Hard to say. I've never seen him around his friends (as an example) so I don't have much there to draw on. Going by our interactions he's been normal - smiley, laughing, etc however I get that vibe he always has something more to say but isn't saying it? If that makes sense? 1
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 If he is perfectly fine setting up dates with "easy" girls for sex but he has not asked you out, so I guess you are not his type, he is not that interested. I see you have had problems with ghosting and being hurt, but the fact he has not yet asked you out, doesn't mean he won't do the same does it? He may be your "dream guy", but why do you think a guy whose MO is to pick up easy girls for sex is someone you need to get involved with, is that really sensible thinking? 2
Author girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) He has called me beautiful to my face on a number of occasions so I initially had the vibe I was his type. I don't know for sure if he sets dates up with easy girls for sex, I was drawing on something I had heard but that's obviously only he said she said stuff at this stage. Re ghosting: I'm sure he and any other guy is capable of doing it again however in light of befriending his sister I guess I had in my mind he'd have more respect for the situation, and if he's been a player in the past, he might be treading more carefully here? Just another thought really. Edited August 2, 2017 by girlinNYC
Miss Spider Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I agree with the above. If he is comfortable communicating with you and has ample opportunities to do so so, yet instead asks out "easy" (yikes) girls, it indicates he's either not interested or he is just looking for casual type things at this stage of his life and doesn't see you as one to do that with. There is a small chance he is thinks he might be rejected by you, but given that he talks to you with ease and assuming you are the same with him, that's a little less likely. Regardless, just ask. There's no harm in it. 1
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 He has called me beautiful to my face on a number of occasions so I initially had the vibe I was his type. I don't know for sure if he sets dates up with easy girls for sex, I was drawing on something I had heard but that's obviously only he said she said stuff at this stage. Re ghosting: I'm sure he and any other guy is capable of doing it again however in light of befriending his sister I guess I had in my mind he'd have more respect for the situation, and if he's been a player in the past, he might be treading more carefully here? Just another thought really. If he has been a player in the past why are you rushing headlong in in the hope you can change him... That is madness talking. Players tend to play, they can't really help themselves and no matter how "classy" you may think you are or how close you are to his sister it will make not one whit of a difference.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Agree 100%. Look I'm unsure if he's asking easy girls out, I was drawing on a story I heard from a colleague (she is known to be quite fake) so in light of that I took it with a grain of salt. She may not be lying, though I find it pointless to jump to a conclusion without conclusively seeing it for myself. Sure, if I saw it with my own eyes I'd walk. But not until I truly know. I think keeping it simple and asking is best for now, from then I'll be able to gauge it more accurately. It's hard too when things are in limbo.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 "if" again I'm not sure, the player thing was a story I'd heard from a colleague who isn't the most honest person in the world. I'm not trying to come across as making excuses, nor would I try to change him if him being a player came to fruition, I would simply walk, however until I know for sure I don't see the point in myself jumping the gun on that point.
stillafool Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I think because you obviously can' get this man off your mind you should ask him out and find out if he feels the same so at least you won't have to wonder anymore.
clia Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Honestly, I think if he was interested, he would've asked you out by now. But that said, if you want to remove all doubt about his interest, then by all means ask him out. I recommend not asking him to join you with a group for birthday drinks; rather, just the two of you should go out for drinks so it is abundantly clear that it's a date and not a friend thing. 1
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