Sadmomma Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) So, I have been with a man for almost 12 years. We share 3 children, 2 with a previous relationship of mine and 1 together. Let me say he is the baby of 5 kids, with 4 older sisters, so he was spoiled since the day he was born. My 2 children from a previous relationship have their bio dad mame, who is not in their lives at all. My ex has raised them, supported them, and loves them (in his own way). We have fought over the years about random things that he doesn't let go of. Ex: we have been in our current house for 7 yrs. He holds a grudge at this point for me selecting the house and not discussing it with him. So he refers to it as "my house". Another reason for our breakup, he believes the 2 other kids should have his last name. He believes since he has raised them and paid for them, he deserves that. He hates my parents, thinks they try to influence me too much and try and help the kids too much. Since the beginning of our relationship he has been unfaithful. Not so much sex, but on dating sites or even talking to other women on facebook. Everytime I caught him it always came down to me snooping and because I did something to upset him. So our final breakup was end of April. He has said he plans on moving out, still has not. In june he began to sleep elsewhere about once or twice a week. I have begged and pleaded for a reconciliation, but he always says no, that I never listened to what he wanted. On Sunday, I received a facebook message from some girl telling me how horrible of a man he is. That he has been talking to her and a bunch of other women. I obviously figured that out. She had told a few and the more serious of the women was shocked and very upset, but she decided to stay with him. What is so funny, he was on the phone Sunday night with a buddy. I heard him telling him about it and saying "I told so many lies to cover up". REALLY? So here is my shameful part, I have still been sleeping with him. Is it wrong, YES I know, but I am so depressed that its he only way I feel something. So monday night he stayed with me, and we had sex twice. Tuesday, his day off, instead of spending it with our kids-his only son, he spent the day/night with her. Now keep in mind, i have told him how this break up is effecting his son. He is sad and misses him terribly. So I am very pissed. I want to say something to this other woman, not so much to break them up, but because my son is hurting and I want them to break up and he spend time with him. Am I wrong if I contact her and tell her what is really going on? That he and I still sleep together and what he is doing to her or let her find out for herself. I really dont wish this pain on anyone. Edited August 2, 2017 by Sadmomma Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 There is no good reason for you to be discussing intimate details of your relationship or your break up with a third party. Learn to keep your own counsel. By trying to talk to this woman you are only stirring up more drama. You may have shared children with this guy buy he was always playing mental mind games with you. Get him out of your life. Secure child support from him for the children he fathered with you. Learn to stand on your own two feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadmomma Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Clearly you have never dealt with a narcissist to know its not that simple. I actually DO stand on my own to feet, but when you deal with someone like that they get in your head so bad you dont know how to live without them. I wish I had been warned that is why I said something about talking to the main gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Clearly you have never dealt with a narcissist to know its not that simple. I actually DO stand on my own to feet, but when you deal with someone like that they get in your head so bad you dont know how to live without them. I wish I had been warned that is why I said something about talking to the main gf. There is no reason for you to be talking to the gf. Instead of focusing on what he's doing with her, you need to focus on what you are doing. You're no better than her in still feeding this jerk attention. He may be narcissistic but you need to start being responsible and accountable for your own decisions. You are where you are not because of him but because of your own choices. It is difficult to detach from a toxic relationship but if you can't move on for yourself, then move on for your children. And yes, I was in a relationship with a diagnosed narcissist. I know how hard it is unhook yourself. Again, your kids should be your motivation. Work towards providing them a stable and healthy environment rather than instigating drama to force him to be the man you want him to be. He is who he is -- accept and embrace it. If you believe he is narcissistic, nothing is changing therefore, you need to change your situation. Start to figure out your housing situation and then proceed as d0nnivain mentioned, secure support from him for your child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) OP, you seem in turmoil. So you are currently sleeping with your ex and you are threatening to use this as a leverage of some sort by telling his new girlfriend? Sorry OP, but I'm not convinced that your intentions are as noble as you think, at this point. In your place, the first thing I would do is stop sleeping with him. Stay away from his drama - as you well know dealing with a narcissist, he will end up deflecting the blame on you. Edited August 2, 2017 by littleblackheart 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Clearly you have never dealt with a narcissist to know its not that simple. I actually DO stand on my own to feet, but when you deal with someone like that they get in your head so bad you dont know how to live without them. I wish I had been warned that is why I said something about talking to the main gf. They don't get in your head because they are narcissists. They get in your head because you let them stay there. You can try telling this new woman. In all likelihood she's going to think you are the bitter jaded EX who is trying to break her new relationship up because you want him back. From her perspective you are not a credible source, especially since you continue having sex with him. Your narcissistic EX will also see you talking to his new GF as a sign that you still want him. Don't give him the satisfaction. The most hurtful thing you can do to him, is also the best thing you can do for yourself: IGNORE, ignore, ignore. Anything else is keeping him tethered to you even in a negative way; you are not letting go Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Im not seeing anywhere that would describe him as a narcissist. Cheater yes. He is not committed to you or your relationship. Its up to you to decide how to take your life back and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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