New to dating

[Akashsingh]

I am 39 and she is 55. After about 3 weeks of online follow up. I met her. Was supposed to meet at 6:30 PM but I was early and she said she could only be there at 6;30.

 

She is stunning at 55. A lot of women at 39 would not look half as well.

 

Anyways, we met and talked and the conversation went really well. She was getting texts the whole time and she said those were from work. Towards the end, she said she would like to go hiking with me. I let her know that right now I was in between jobs. She said we will meet again when you get a job and then she said just kidding. As an advice she also told me not to say no to any job offers. I told her I liked her and I was open to meeting her whether friends or more. Then she dropped a bomb on me. She said she will pay the bill and I could get the next one. I asked for a split and she insisted next time we meet , you can for sure. While walking out, I asked to use the restroom, she said she had to hurry and leave for something work related. Although she gave me a really nice hug.

 

I texted her next day that it was nice to meet her ...... no response. I texted her again 2 days later, she only responded , she enjoyed meeting me. A little formal sounding text.

 

I emailed her a couple of hiking trails that she expressed interest in and asked her when could we go out again. Its been 24 hours and no response.

 

What should I do? Has she rejected me? Is she dating many people and figuring out which guy she likes most? Is she just busy and workaholic? One of the things she had said on the date was say yes to all the jobs and I could always reject ones I didnt like later on. So I am confused whats happening.

Edited August 2, 2017 by Akashsingh

[d0nnivain]

She is a woman who knows her own mind. You have left multiple messages, far more then is appropriate over a short time. You gave her the hiking info. She knows how to get in touch with you. If she wants to go hiking, she will reach out. For now, assume you have been rejected & move on.

[Miss Spider]

I think you did fine. Sounds like she is just not that interested. Oh well. The ball is in her court now. Just keep dating.

[Bastile]

She sounds very masculine.

 

- Older woman dating a younger man

- Focus on business during her date

- Condescending attitude

- Insisted on paying for everything

etc etc

 

How to deal? 2 main ways. The first is to pretend to let her lead (with the keyword being pretend) - as long as you believe she is leading it to sex (which those types have much less hang-ups about the actual act, in my experience).

 

The other is to frame crush her, and make her feminine...

[stillafool]

She sounds very masculine.

 

- Older woman dating a younger man

- Focus on business during her date

- Condescending attitude

- Insisted on paying for everything

etc etc

 

How to deal? 2 main ways. The first is to pretend to let her lead (with the keyword being pretend) - as long as you believe she is leading it to sex (which those types have much less hang-ups about the actual act, in my experience).

 

The other is to frame crush her, and make her feminine...

 

This is not fair. So just because she is dating a younger man, knows her own mind, has a busy career and generous enough to pay for a meal; that makes her masculine? Goodness I'm glad times are a changin.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She probably realized she actually was NOT kidding meeting again after you find a job.

 

I would not date a man who didn't have a job.

[Steve51]

It is my personal experience that if a girl is into you, they will let you know. Sounds like she just had a nice date but is not that into you. Move on to someone else. Usually when I used to date, the women wanted to go out the next night or weekend. If they gave me excuses or did not return my calls, I just grabbed one of the other fishes in the sea.

 

I met my wife and three weeks later we were engaged. We are married for 45 years. We saw each other every night. She was into me as much as I into her. The guys you age that date usually end up having sex on the first night. Try a dating service. Aside from meeting women you will have sex a lot. I have three friends, 2 males and 1 female that met their spouses through online dating and had a lot of sex getting there. You may have to wait a few weeks to get a response and kiss a few frogs to find your princess but those that we know who did it, are married for a very long time.

[Bastile]

This is not fair. So just because she is dating a younger man, knows her own mind, has a busy career and generous enough to pay for a meal; that makes her masculine?

 

Nice try on the re-frame. But I still don't want to wife it up.

 

Goodness I'm glad times are a changin.

 

So am I. I wouldn't change anything.

 

Literally never been easier than now (with the big exception of wanting to start a family). Vary versatile scene. Huge room for experimentation and personal growth.

 

Anyway, you are leading it off topic. See OP? You don't let them lead

[JuneL]

 

The other is to frame crush her, and make her feminine...

 

Care to elaborate?

[Bastile]

Care to elaborate?

 

My whole existence is a frame crush. Haven't you noticed?

 

It's hilarious. I love it.

 

Don't be telling me about dealing with masculine domineering woman. I started at 13 when my best mate's mum tried to seduce me. I'm a bloody expert in that.

 

Some very basic tips? There's no way in hell that I would allow this woman to be giving me career advice, just out of pride. Or be paying for me. Or be on her phone constantly in my presence. Or any of her crap.

 

I would give her a frame war, and I would win... if I cared enough.

 

But, if I had judged that my looks were enough to get me through (as they occasionally are with a masculine woman), then I would just pretend to go along to get laid. I wouldn't be treating it as LTR, and I wouldn't care.

 

But honestly, at this point, I'm starting thinking that only god can judge me

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh9S4vLDDOI

[JuneL]

 

Some very basic tips? There's no way in hell that I would allow this woman to be giving me career advice, just out of pride. Or be paying for me. Or be on her phone constantly in my presence. Or any of her crap.

 

I would give her a frame war, and I would win... if I cared enough.

 

 

But how do you do this in practice? Like when she's starting to do those things. I can understand how not to get into a relationship with a dominating woman, but I don't see how you can "give her a frame war" and win

 

I'm by no means disagreeing with you, but merely trying to understand how this works. I myself have only been attracted to very macho guys, so I never get into a relationship with a guy who is very gentle on the outside, instead of trying to give these gentle guys a "frame war" to make them more manly...

[JuneL]

 

Don't be telling me about dealing with masculine domineering woman. I started at 13 when my best mate's mum tried to seduce me. I'm a bloody expert in that.

 

 

So what happened to your Mrs. Robinson?

[Bastile]

But how do you do this in practice? Like when she's starting to do those things. I can understand how not to get into a relationship with a dominating woman, but I don't see how you can "give her a frame war" and win

 

I'm by no means disagreeing with you, but merely trying to understand how this works. I myself have only been attracted to very macho guys, so I never get into a relationship with a guy who is very gentle on the outside, instead of trying to give these gentle guys a "frame war" to make them more manly...

 

I'm getting confused. You want me to talk about a set? Or you want me to talk about OP's?

 

She walked all over him. And his looks weren't enough to make up for it.

 

It's that simple.

 

 

So what happened to your Mrs. Robinson?

 

She got busted, and told off by my mum lol.

 

Saw her again a few years back at a social party. No way that I'd touch her with a barge pole now.

 

Quite obvious that she's still into it, and I felt a tiny bit sorry for the new guy that she's coaxed into providing for her.

 

Such is life.

[preraph]

She was probably confused about the date because of you saying you were unemployed, so she paid for you, which was nice, but she may have not quite knew if you were hinting or not. She's busy with her job, so not having a job may be a dealbreaker for her even though she kidded about it. Or she might have not cared about that or the check and just decided she wasn't that interested for other reasons -- or she might show up ready to go hiking in a few days. You just never know.

[JuneL]

 

She walked all over him. And his looks weren't enough to make up for it.

 

It's that simple.

 

 

I wouldn't say she walked all over him in this example. I think you're forgetting that some guys may be attracted to this type of women, just like there are plenty of women who are attracted to guys who don't like to lead or who are very gentle on the outside.

[Bastile]

I wouldn't say she walked all over him in this example. I think you're forgetting that some guys may be attracted to this type of women, just like there are plenty of women who are attracted to guys who don't like to lead or who are very gentle on the outside.

 

No, I'm not. I've got notches from it.

 

He needs looks, and the ability to tease.

 

Feminine qualities, basically.

 

Or he can learn masculine qualities which would come from the frame crush, like in this situation dealing with such a person or in general.

[bluefeather]

No, I'm not. I've got notches from it.

 

He needs looks, and the ability to tease.

 

Feminine qualities, basically.

 

Or he can learn masculine qualities which would come from the frame crush, like in this situation dealing with such a person or in general.

 

You still never explained what exactly a "frame crush" is. But I can understand what you're saying now. We're getting somewhere!

[Akashsingh]

Heard back from her. She said she is busy this weekend on an event and will text me next week. Perhaps dating other guys and seeing whats out there and keeping her options open.

 

 

The conversation was like this

 

Her: Just say yes to everything an employer asks, you can say no anytime.

 

Me: I would rather find the right job for me than say yes. I am not a yes man.

And employers tend to discriminate those that are not working. Were you ever unemployed?

 

Her: Yeah.... but I was crushed then and I would never let that happen to me again.

 

(other conversation)......after that

 

Her:

If nothing else.... we can certainly go hiking. I had good time.

 

Me: I am open minded.

 

Her: I will take this tab.... you take the next one, ok....

 

Me: Lets split it.

 

Her: No. Next one is on you. We will meet next when you get a job.... just kidding.

 

Me: I have to use rest room.

 

She: I have to leave..... gave me a really nice hug.

 

If she was not into me, I was left puzzling why she tried to find out if I am into her. She hasn't looked at my profile since but responds to messages every couple of days or so...

[Akashsingh]

She probably realized she actually was NOT kidding meeting again after you find a job.

 

I would not date a man who didn't have a job.

 

Really you judge a man by his job? I am unemployed because my previous employer would not offer me promotion when I worked hard for 2 yrs and when I asked for one, they retaliated by terminating my contract. Should I compromise and be underemployed for ever? I am not struggling financially. I have half a mil cash stashed away.

[Akashsingh]

I don't lead sexually on the first date or even on the second usually. And yes, I am not the best looking guy in town. Certainly if looks is what she wants she can get that plenty. I do look like my pics and she saw them online.

 

Also, if a woman is into me, she will only drop subtle hints. Since my divorce 4-5 years back, I have been on 20+ dates. Cant be true that none of them were into me. They didn't tell me. Except 3-4 got mad at me for not making the move. Best way to judge is ask her to join you to another place than the one you originally started at. If she follows she is into you else not.

 

Also I realized later that I was supposed to meet her at 6:30 but somehow went early and was there at 6:00.. and she had also sent me messages previously that she was casually dating at this time.

Edited August 5, 2017 by Akashsingh