suspicious texts..

[iReapZz]

Hey everyone, I want to share with you something that is driving me crazy since yesterday...

 

So, my girlfriend logged in to her Facebook account on my phone 2 days ago, and she forgot to log out of her messenger..

When I got home I realised that she didn't log out and I saw some of her texts with an other guy..

So, some months ago, she told me about this guy.

They had sex once in the past, but I didn't expect them to be in touch until today..

What's my problem?

I think they were sexting or something.

This guy sent a lot of sexual texts to my girlfriend and she wasnt really bothered..

 

Take a look on some of the conversations they had:

 

"Guy: I would tell u to come over, cause I'm alone but I'm a good guy..

Girlfriend: Hahah

Guy: But would you come?

Girlfriend: No because I have a boyfriend, but I'm not a good girl.

Guy: Maybe in the future.

Girlfriend: Maybe. "

 

There are some more sexual texts too, sent by the guy, NOT my girlfriend. My girlfriend is NOT sending him sexual texts but I think she is accepting them in a way...

Also, there are some deleted texts too, and Im afraid that they were photos or sexting as I can tell from the remaining non-deleted texts..

 

This is driving me insane guys..

I know she loves me, we definitely have something special and rare, we both wanna stay together for a long time..

What should I do?

[the_lost_1]

Dump her ass, you're about to get cheated on

 

She definitely doesn't love you, I can already tell from what you've given us

[healing light]

To put it crudely, how can you have something special and rare with your woman when she's accepting dick pics from another guy?

 

At least that's what I'm going to assume the deleted photos are...

[Logo]

The fact she is setting boundaries by telling him she has a boyfriend is good, but suppose one day you upset her or she gets bored, who is she going to run to?

 

It's hard to tell the extent of the "sexting" I suppose. Your assumptions could be getting the best of you, or they could be very well founded.

 

This kind of thing could be just the tip of the iceberg. And it puts you in a very delicate position.

 

You're probably wondering, "Is she emotionally cheating on me? Is this the beginning?"

 

The fact that she continues to communicate with him despite his advances is a big red flag.

 

She could be keeping him around as backup or it's possible that her self respect and esteem are low to the point she needs constant validation and attention.

 

If you decide to confront her about it, you're in a lose lose situation anyway.

 

I wouldn't trust her at this point, so whatever she says I'd take with a grain of salt.

 

How are things otherwise between you two? Do you feel that she cares for you, loves you, and respects you?

 

Does she trusts you with her deep feelings?

 

Also, ask yourself how your sex life is.

 

I honestly can't tell you what to do.

 

If it were me, I'd dump her.

 

One thing to keep in mind, if you don't trust her anymore, then there's no point in sticking around. Without trust there's no point to the relationship.

 

And by the way, if she flips things against you and starts accusing you of being paranoid, don't take that crap from her. Stand your ground.

Edited August 2, 2017 by Logo

[HarmonyDriven]

The sexting was on your phone! and you were not a party to it! Yikes!!

 

IMO, I would confront the girlfriend.....calmly about what you found and how disappointed you are in her. How good can your relationship be if she is in contact with this guy?

 

Seriously.....think this one through:

 

"I know she loves me, we definitely have something special and rare, we both wanna stay together for a long time.. "

 

Really? Think again.....love - not what I would call it. Special and rare - nope....

 

This would be a deal breaker for me. But that's just me. Think long and hard about this one because it sounds like she has been doing the same but not about you.....

 

Good luck

[iReapZz]

Τhank you all for your opinions and tips.

 

The fact she is setting boundaries by telling him she has a boyfriend is good, but suppose one day you upset her or she gets bored, who is she going to run to?

 

It's hard to tell the extent of the "sexting" I suppose. Your assumptions could be getting the best of you, or they could be very well founded.

 

This kind of thing could be just the tip of the iceberg. And it puts you in a very delicate position.

 

You're probably wondering, "Is she emotionally cheating on me? Is this the beginning?"

 

The fact that she continues to communicate with him despite his advances is a big red flag.

 

She could be keeping him around as backup or it's possible that her self respect and esteem are low to the point she needs constant validation and attention.

 

If you decide to confront her about it, you're in a lose lose situation anyway.

 

I wouldn't trust her at this point, so whatever she says I'd take with a grain of salt.

 

How are things otherwise between you two? Do you feel that she cares for you, loves you, and respects you?

 

Does she trusts you with her deep feelings?

 

Also, ask yourself how your sex life is.

 

I honestly can't tell you what to do.

 

If it were me, I'd dump her.

 

One thing to keep in mind, if you don't trust her anymore, then there's no point in sticking around. Without trust there's no point to the relationship.

 

And by the way, if she flips things against you and starts accusing you of being paranoid, don't take that crap from her. Stand your ground.

 

Alright, from the start of our relationship, she told me that she hates cheating and she is a honest person.

And I know that it's true because I know her and her past. She had another boyfriend a year ago that made her life miserable and still, she didn't cheat on him. She broke up with him and then she did whatever she did. She is not a slut or something, don't get confused.

 

Yes, she cares for me, she respects me and I know she truly loves me. I was the one that saved her emotionaly when she were at her worst part of her life. She appreciates that a lot. She told me things about her past that noone knows and I helped her forget about them. I am sure that she loves me. And I think that even if you love someone you can still cheat on him and maybe regret it later.

 

Our relationship is just perfect in every way.

Our sex life is good, but there is room for improvements.

 

I just don't know if I can trust her anymore. I know it's complicated and it seems stupid that I keep telling you that she loves me while she is doing the text thing but that's my situation right now..

 

@HarmonyDriven

Thank you for your opinion. I am gonna think about it

Edited August 2, 2017 by iReapZz

[Logo]

One more thing to add, there are liars and manipulators out there who treat people they're in a relationship with like peys. They manipulate, lie and even tell you what you want to hear just to control and manipulate you.

 

Take a few days to think about what you describe as a rare and special relationship. I could be wrong, but you could be in for a rude awakening.

 

By the way, does she do for you as much as you do for her in the relationship? Actions speak louder than words.

[Logo]

One more thing to add, there are liars and manipulators out there who treat people they're in a relationship with like pets. They manipulate, lie and even tell you what you want to hear just to control and manipulate you.

 

Take a few days to think about what you describe as a rare and special relationship. I could be wrong, but you could be in for a rude awakening.

 

By the way, does she do for you as much as you do for her in the relationship? Actions speak louder than words.

[HarmonyDriven]

Your words:

 

Take a look on some of the conversations they had:

 

"Guy: I would tell u to come over, cause I'm alone but I'm a good guy..

Girlfriend: Hahah

Guy: But would you come?

Girlfriend: No because I have a boyfriend, but I'm not a good girl.

Guy: Maybe in the future.

Girlfriend: Maybe. "

 

===

The girlfriend should have said, "No, I have a boyfriend. Please don't contact me anymore." That would have been respect.

 

If she was honest, she would have brought up the sexting discussion as a means to get it off her chest, so to speak.

 

Sad to say, your relationship is not perfect in every way. In fact, I bet she has been sexting this guy for some time, or at the very least, entertaining his sexting and teasing him...."MAYBE."

 

She might not be the right person for you. But, only you can decide how far to go. I think you are looking thru rose colored glasses.

 

Based on all available information, YOU deserve better.

[Miss Spider]

She is saying she would maybe like to be D'ed down by this dude again in the future. Why does this say "girlfriend"? It should say "ex"

[iReapZz]

One more thing to add, there are liars and manipulators out there who treat people they're in a relationship with like peys. They manipulate, lie and even tell you what you want to hear just to control and manipulate you.

 

Take a few days to think about what you describe as a rare and special relationship. I could be wrong, but you could be in for a rude awakening.

 

By the way, does she do for you as much as you do for her in the relationship? Actions speak louder than words.

 

I don't know about this manipulating thing, but yes, I will take a few days to think about it.

But should I tell her about the situation and comfort her or should I wait?

As for your last question, yes, she does as much as I do.

 

 

@HarmonyDriven

I see, thank you.

I will try to clear my mind and decide...

Should I just talk to her to clear things out?

Edited August 2, 2017 by iReapZz

[HarmonyDriven]

IMO, yes - I would discuss your disappointment in finding the sext messages on your phone with her. How could she do this.....especially on your phone....ugh.

 

Most likely, she will not take responsibility....or maybe she will? In any case, for me, the damage is done. Trust is lost.

 

She might beg for your forgiveness but I could not carry on with a relationship knowing this has been going on. Who knows if she would even be honest about how long she has been receiving/answering these sexts.

 

If you decide not to end the relationship, definitely consider counseling of some kind (couple counseling.)

 

Just curious, what are your ages? How has she been acting today? Comfort her on what?

[iReapZz]

IMO, yes - I would discuss your disappointment in finding the sext messages on your phone with her. How could she do this.....especially on your phone....ugh.

 

Most likely, she will not take responsibility....or maybe she will? In any case, for me, the damage is done. Trust is lost.

 

She might beg for your forgiveness but I could not carry on with a relationship knowing this has been going on. Who knows if she would even be honest about how long she has been receiving/answering these sexts.

 

If you decide not to end the relationship, definitely consider counseling of some kind (couple counseling.)

 

Just curious, what are your ages? How has she been acting today? Comfort her on what?

 

Just to make it clear, she didn't use my phone to text this guy. She just logged in her account with my phone and I found out about the texts. They don't really talk too much.

 

She WILL take responsibility, I know her.

We are both 20, she is acting as always.

[Miss Spider]

What do you hope to achieve by talking to her. It doesn't change how she feels and who she is. Doesn't change that she any attention she can get, has no respect for you, and is possibly/probably entertaining the idea of cheating. Not like this is going to get better,except in the fact she might get sneakier about it.

[Imported]

If you sre under 40 yearws old DUMP her.

 

But after 40 , we are just playing a game where the quesrion is ttime.

 

So who am I to judge....edited in

[Bastile]

I used to take relationships really seriously at just 20 years old too.

 

Thinking back, I really have no idea why I did that. It's not like you are going to get married/start a family at that age (at least I hope not...), and there are so many women in the world - so much to experience first - that settling at 20 is idiotic.

 

If she's a cool female that makes a relationship easy on you, then it might make sense. But, if she's a wrong'un like so many are, just bang her until she gets on your nerves. Then replace her with another.

 

If you can't replace, and that's why you cling, then you should work on your game. You should not be managing your compromise to any real extent.

 

But should I tell her about the situation and comfort her or should I wait?

 

It sounds like you comforted your way into the relationship (with questionable game/behaviour). But you aren't comforting your way out of this situation.

 

When a dog craps on your floor, you do not reward the dog with a hug and a bonio treat.

 

Don't say anything. Just take it less serious, and mark her card. Be on the lookout for a better girl.

 

The alternatives are to rage-quit (did plenty of that at your age, and think it is a bit stupid), or to keep playing this wishy-washy "comfort will make rainbows" game.

[HarmonyDriven]

You are making excuses for her. Regardless, the sexts ended up on your phone. She knew it was your phone when she texted this guy. Lack of respect.

 

You both are young and learning about relationships. You seem more mature than your girlfriend.

 

Of course, it is up to you if you want to stay with her but she will disappoint you again.....just a hunch.

[Redhead14]

Hey everyone, I want to share with you something that is driving me crazy since yesterday...

 

So, my girlfriend logged in to her Facebook account on my phone 2 days ago, and she forgot to log out of her messenger..

When I got home I realised that she didn't log out and I saw some of her texts with an other guy..

So, some months ago, she told me about this guy.

They had sex once in the past, but I didn't expect them to be in touch until today..

What's my problem?

I think they were sexting or something.

This guy sent a lot of sexual texts to my girlfriend and she wasnt really bothered..

 

Take a look on some of the conversations they had:

 

"Guy: I would tell u to come over, cause I'm alone but I'm a good guy..

Girlfriend: Hahah

Guy: But would you come?

Girlfriend: No because I have a boyfriend, but I'm not a good girl.

Guy: Maybe in the future.

Girlfriend: Maybe. "

 

There are some more sexual texts too, sent by the guy, NOT my girlfriend. My girlfriend is NOT sending him sexual texts but I think she is accepting them in a way...

Also, there are some deleted texts too, and Im afraid that they were photos or sexting as I can tell from the remaining non-deleted texts..

 

This is driving me insane guys..

I know she loves me, we definitely have something special and rare, we both wanna stay together for a long time..

What should I do?

 

No because I have a boyfriend, but I'm not a good girl. -- In other words, "I have a boyfriend, but I would sleep with someone else"

 

My girlfriend is NOT sending him sexual texts but I think she is accepting -- accepting them is sending the message that she's interested/likes them, etc.

 

IMO, if a woman or a man is regularly accepting and responding to sexual texts/innuendo, it's kinda like a gateway drug. It won't be long before they want something a little "harder".

[KBob]

I don't know about this manipulating thing, but yes, I will take a few days to think about it.

But should I tell her about the situation and comfort her or should I wait?

As for your last question, yes, she does as much as I do.

 

COMFORT HER? Why on Earth would you do such a thing in this situation? At the very least you should be livid with her! She's sexting a guy behind your back, telling him that she might have sex with him in the future. And given the texts, it will most likely be sooner than you think.

 

You're obviously a push over and this girl is about to walk all over you. You need to grow a pair and take control of your situation, because being a nice guy will not help you at all right now.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you need to remove your head from the sand.

 

This girl does not love or respect you as much you thought she did. Honest girls in love don't engage in that type of conversation with a previous hookups, and they certainly don't go deleting messages. Why? There's no need to delete something above-board. So can be assured that what's been deleted is something she didn't want you to see.

 

I can't fathom why you would comfort her for flirting with another guy. What on earth are you thinking, man?!

 

Come on, OP. You know this isn't right. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship either. We all have problems. You've just discovered yours. All was not as it seemed with your girlfriend, unfortunately.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm going to decipher this one for you...she is keeping her options open. It's as simple as that.

 

I agree with those who are saying you're making excuses for her. If she was really done with this guy or any guy, she wouldn't leave breadcrumbs the way she did in those texts, including accepting and allowing naughty pics.

 

She's being coy and probably for good reason. If she gets caught she can claim she didn't initiate or share things etc. Total bullsh*t. She's leaving the door open with this guy and THAT is disrespectful to you and your relationship.

 

Think what you want and do what you wish but those are the facts here, plain and simple.

 

And I'm willing to bet loads of money that if the tables were turned and she saw those same texts message between you and your ex, sh*t would hit the fan.

Edited August 2, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle