rewoken Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 I have not had a girlfriend in 18 years, at first mostly because I was depressed as my parents are insane, I just felt embarrassed about them they are weird hobos I spent my entire life trying to appease their madness totally my fault I totally understand now, it was not them its me I was weak, I had a few relationships in my 20's in uni, one long one who I really loved and we discussed our life together lived together for 4 years she is an educated model working as a children's nurse with an amazing personality and lots of friends totally amazing I never realized all my friends were jealous of me, I left her abruptly and came home because my parents hated her and I was weak and eventually after 7 years caved into their emotional bullying, I just ended up living in the same bedroom I grew up in and supported my parents, pined after her for years tried to get her back but she had moved on started smoking drugs depressed, then started smoking even more drugs (weed) lots of it and hanging out with fellow losers, computer games and just living a strange insane lifestyle of being on my own but then I have realized that I am actually a great guy, fantastic company especially with women I went on two dates recently and they both wanted a second date , I know I am intelligent I must be good looking cause women are always smiling at me some have asked me out and I dated a model who also asked me out, I live on my own in my own house, sports car, so went on internet dating after 18 years of being single and depressed I am in my mid 40's (i had dates in that 18 years but could not be bothered hassle with parents my dad attempted suicide because of me going out with the model and ended up in hospital which really affected me, I recently stopped the drugs and woke up out of my insanity and its gone crazy I get tonnes of dates so many hits online and dates coming out of my ears I can chat to women really easily online or once I meet them on a date, my gap seems weird and I do not know what I should say to my potential partners..any ideas?
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 You say absolutely nothing to your potential partners. This is all too intense & too private for an early conversation. After a few dates if asked you say you didn't have the best relationship with your parents, you are now estranged from them & you'd rather not talk about it. After 8 -12 months of exclusive dating, if the subject comes up you can say that your parents were unconventional & that did a lot of damage to you but you have worked hard to overcome the obstacles they placed in your way. My point is you don't volunteer much; when the subject comes up you say as little as possible but don't lie. 1
scooby-philly Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 This analogy just popped into my head. Dating is a lot like buying a car. But you are both the buyer and the product at the same time. If you are looking at a car and you find out the wrong piece of info too early on you will skip that car and move on to another one. At the end of the day we are all flawed in one or more ways. But if you want to attract someone that will love you flaws and all...ease into things. As Donnivain said....dont lie. Dont bend the truth but keep it simple early on. Just think...if someone did that to you after just a few dates...would you want them? Ableit those of us with a savior complex it would turn most folks on. The best reward for having overcome that is to be able to say just a little and ne comfortablr with that. 1
preraph Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 Aside from dating I think you've been through a lot and that it would probably help to sort through it in therapy. As far as dating certainly in the early dates you just want to have fun not anything deep and heavy but this is why you need to resolve your issues and get it all straight in your head so you can just move forward. 1
smackie9 Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 You are just adjusting so of course things are going to feel like you have training wheels on...but you will be knocking them off in no time as you ease into dating again. And I agree that if you keep things simple, you will have no stress about it.
lurker74 Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 Happiness comes from within so your first step is to find that. When you do, dating becomes much easier. So whether it's therapy, a walkabout, or a Buddhist temple, find that first. Also, find periods too, while you're at it. Please.
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