Was I wrong for the letter I wrote to my parents?

[simon22]

Some of you may remember my thread which contained the letter ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t67475/ ) I wrote to my parents a few weeks back. Here's a very very brief summary:

 

I told mom/dad I was sick of controlling ways, backstabbing and overall talking about each other, My dad on abusing me and my mother (mom's in denial). I told my mom I was sick of her talking about my sister. I basically told them my entire feelings. If you want more info then read the letter, its long but only if you want too.

 

Anyways, here's what happened. I was hoping what would come out of my letter would be us living in harmony and my fault explained to me to and we could work towards building a relationship. Well, it did not go as planned. I was told how I insulted them, made them feel like a dog, make them feel 2 feet tall. I was told they didn't know me now (since i finally showed my feelings-instead of being quiet). My mom said the abuse from my dad was a long time ago (less than 1 year ago) and she's forgave him of it, even though there was cases of it during the entire time i lived there. I was told I deserved the abuse from my dad because i mis-behaved. I was told they cared for my sister more because she was more talkative. My dad has made no attempt to contact me since the letter. My mother has called me maybe 2 times, both times to argue over it. The last time we talked, I said I can't talk to you about this anymore, i was gettting too upset. Thats the last I heard of them so far. I am feeling guilty for writing the letter but believe this is exactly what they want. Its just more of the mind-games I've lived with all of my life. My wife tells me that i've become very hapy since i've lost more of the communication with them. Thanks for reading.

[quankanne]

sometimes, it's like you just cannot win when it comes to family, but the important thing Simon? You let your thoughts be known. If your family cannot deal with it and try to come to a happy meeting ground, it's their problem, not yours.

 

I know it sounds harsh, but it's not meant to be, really. Just that you can only go so long in this life being stepped on, esp. by family members. Good for you for refusing to be drawn into an argument with your mom -- just keep telling her that this is not a case for argument, merely you sharing your feelings. And until she can find a way to help your relationship heal, there's really no sense in calling to argue with you. Period. This isn't being disrespectful, but honest and firm in your desire for them to respect you and your needs. It's also about tough love, if you think about it -- sometimes you've got to be the mature, sensible one in the relationship, and that means taking an action that seems unfair or unpopular, but it must be taken in order for things to be set right.

 

stay strong, and don't let them get you down. As your wife points out, your well-being comes first.

 

best of luck to you, buddy.