fieldoflavender Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 How long is reasonable to chat online before meeting in person? I feel if you're in the same city, and despite work being busy etc, you should be able to meet in 1-2 weeks? If no one is on vacation etc. But I do notice the trend of people looking for text buddies. What would be considered reasonable and not just someone multi-dating/not committing?
coolheadal Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 How long is reasonable to chat online before meeting in person? I feel if you're in the same city, and despite work being busy etc, you should be able to meet in 1-2 weeks? If no one is on vacation etc. But I do notice the trend of people looking for text buddies. What would be considered reasonable and not just someone multi-dating/not committing? Trust me you don't want to be text buddies. I met women sometimes the next day. Yes that fast. Some came out the same night (gold diggers). It depends some waited 30 days before coming out. Really if you hit it off why wait. Depends how your current plan to meet. Some might say Friday, Saturday or Sunday. It shouldn't be more than 2 weeks. If you really interested in each other than just meet. Take her to sports bar. I did that a few times. Let them try out some fired pickles in ranch or special dip sauce. Or a few drinks or then get a meal and talk to get to know if you two can get along.
caveman621 Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 For me, back when I was doing the OLD thing, the sooner the better. I prefer in person and if the person doesn't suit you or you don't suit them: Looks, personality, whatever, then you might as well figure that out instead of weeks of messaging. I would say two weeks MAX!
Author fieldoflavender Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 I'm a girl - should I just ask him out? Maybe I'm a bit traditional that way I like the guy to ask first. But it's getting annoying since tomorrow is like 2 weeks. He did work all last weekend but I think we already established that we're both free this weekend. So I don't get why he isn't at least asking. We text like multiple times a day. I don't get the issue. I agree I don't really need a text buddy either.
spiderowl Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 I think at least a week or two. It is surprising what people will say in messages. You can chat to someone on and off for a day or two and then in the next message they can say something you know is a total dealbreaker. There you are, you know they are unsuitable before you meet so you have saved both of you from making a mistake. Some will say they want to meet to see if there is any chemistry. I agree this is important but messaging filters out those who are never going to be compatible. If you can't get on in a message, what chance would there be in person? Taking your time gives you time to find out their weirdnesses (these inevitably appear in messages because the person can't restrain themselves if they have odd impulses). People can't keep up a front through several messages. It is the best possible way of seeing if you are on the same page. I would advise waiting until you have exchanged several messages and still have a good feeling about the other person.
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 1-2 weeks seems reasonable barring some of the factors you mentioned.
rushed Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 This one guy I was talking to on OLD took about a month of texting to ask me out, and that was with some prodding on my end. Later I asked him why he hadn't asked me out sooner and he said something to the extent of he could never read the signs if a girl wanted to go out with him. Turns out he was a bit shy.
Author fieldoflavender Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 Did you talk every day? I feel like people generally only talk every day if they are actually somewhat interested?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I suggest a meeting within a couple of days communicating online. 1
HarmonyDriven Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 When I first started online dating, it was overwhelming. My first OLD date was 6/8/2011. We emailed back and forth for approximately two weeks. We then talked on the phone the following week and scheduled to meet that weekend. We were about 4 hours apart so met half way. Great first date!! Once I got the hang of online dating, I started meeting guys a lot sooner. Usually, we exchanged a few emails and phone calls, then scheduled to meet in person. For me, I like to meet within the first two weeks....sometimes sooner if we live near each other. My motto - nothing is real until you meet.
bachdude Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 When I was dating, I didn't like to spend much time before meeting in person. You really can't tell much of anything without meeting each other. Knowing that she probably wanted to feel safe meeting a complete stranger, i would ask her out on a very informal afternoon date for coffe or something. That way it's during the broad daylight and if either of us wanted to cut out early, it wouldn't be too awkward to do so.
Miss Spider Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I'm not talking to a guy consistently for 2 weeks without meeting him. That's just asking to get to know someone relatively only for one or both of you to be left down in "real life". I'll respond like 10 times max and if they don't offer to meet by then I move on. 4
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 The idea of emailing, texting for someone for weeks seems counter-productive. If you wait too long there is a high risk of finding someone else online further muddying the waters. I am currently in communication with a lady and after a single day will meet her tomorrow. I am also in communication with another lady and will try to meet her the day after or this weekend. Only for coffee mind you, but better to meet sooner so that one can make a firm decision to move on or not. Such decisions are difficult to make if you're emailing/texting one another for weeks (or even for a full week). Sooner the better. What is there that you cannot discuss in person while online? 1
Author fieldoflavender Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 I'm not talking to a guy consistently for 2 weeks without meeting him. That's just asking to get to know someone relatively only for one or both of you to be left down in "real life". I'll respond like 10 times max and if they don't offer to meet by then I move on. Would you ask to meet them? Or if they didn't you would just drop them?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I'm not talking to a guy consistently for 2 weeks without meeting him. That's just asking to get to know someone relatively only for one or both of you to be left down in "real life". I'll respond like 10 times max and if they don't offer to meet by then I move on. This is another good reason why I ask to meet within the first couple of days. 2
Author fieldoflavender Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Yeah I'm going to ask him today. If he doesn't want to meet, then it's pretty much over. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Would you ask to meet them? Or if they didn't you would just drop them? Sure I have asked before. Good luck!
Andy_K Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Would you ask to meet them? Or if they didn't you would just drop them? I'd wager most girls - unless they're super keen on the guy - aren't going to ask. I mean, OLD already takes care of the cold approach/fear of rejection that guys have to deal with in real life, so they've at least got to have the sense to recognise it's time to meet up and the balls to ask.
TheTraveler Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Every situation is unique. Typically 1-2 weeks from first contact. Remember, if the woman is attractive she can have a billion dates week after week when she firsts hops online or back online. We have seen plenty examples of this already on the forum. Sometimes, depending on the circumstance, I'll stretch it out and reappear after the 1st wave. This can backfire, but that's a choice you make.
normal person Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 You can never really "know" someone until you meet them in person. Don't romanticize anything that happens before that. Exchange a few messages for some familiarity and then just meet up as soon as you're both free. If he won't, or he wants to wait around and text you for ages, move on, your time is valuable.
kendahke Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 How long is reasonable to chat online before meeting in person? I feel if you're in the same city, and despite work being busy etc, you should be able to meet in 1-2 weeks? If no one is on vacation etc. But I do notice the trend of people looking for text buddies. What would be considered reasonable and not just someone multi-dating/not committing? Not having read the rest of this thread: No more than 7 days if you're in the same city. Taking 1-2 weeks feeds into building an artificial construct around your ideal of who he is instead of who he actually is. You invest in that fantasy and when you meet him, he's nothing like what you've been imagining. If we're not in the same city, we're not talking. What's the point? I want someone I can see regularly and during the week, not someone I have to take vacations days to go see.
Erik30 Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Just ask him. You're a girl so you already could have tried after just a couple of texts, and he probably would have said yes. (If he thinks you're cute) Guys don't care, as long as he knows it's really going to be you who shows up. Maybe he assumed it was still too soon to ask you out, because some girls seem to prefer texting for awhile before they're willing to meet a guy
Logo Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Once you establish rapport online and feel chemistry, exchange phone numbers. Sometimes the woman will offer hers, sometimes, you'll have to ask. It depends on how the rapport is going online. Once you have the number, ask her by calling or texting. Setup an exact time and place. On occasion, if I'm feeling iffy about things while still in the online stage, I will call them and talk for a while first before setting up a meeting, just to get a feel for the person. The things they say and their tone, and how focused they are will tell you a lot. I once asked a woman when was a good time to call her, she said right now is good. When I called, she was juggling between two conversations one with me and another with the checkout lady at a store. I ended the conversation quickly and politely and never called again.
Author fieldoflavender Posted August 4, 2017 Author Posted August 4, 2017 He did end up asking just when I was about to ask - so I guess will see how it goes this weekend. Thanks for the replies!
Recommended Posts