Lukewarm first date - do you actively contact to say no thanks or just leave?

[joseb]

So I had an O.K. first date - nothing too bad, but just not all that interested in pursuing.

I'm pretty sure she feels the same way.

 

So folks - in that situation, which do you prefer - the guy to contact saying "thanks but I'm not interested in seeing you again" or just let silence send the message?

 

I'm leaning towards just leaving it - like I said, I'm pretty sure she wasn't all that interested either (but women can be so hard to read sometimes!).

[Gr8fuln2020]

So I had an O.K. first date - nothing too bad, but just not all that interested in pursuing.

I'm pretty sure she feels the same way.

 

So folks - in that situation, which do you prefer - the guy to contact saying "thanks but I'm not interested in seeing you again" or just let silence send the message?

 

I'm leaning towards just leaving it - like I said, I'm pretty sure she wasn't all that interested either (but women can be so hard to read sometimes!).

 

joseb,

 

When I don't want to see someone again, I simply thank them for a good time and not ask them out again. I don't make any attempts to cloud the issue by kissing or becoming affectionate and simply say 'thank for a good time, it was a pleasure meeting you' and the say good bye w/o asking for another date. Walk away and that is the end of it.

 

I really don't think my actions described would indicate to anyone that I was leaning towards pursuing more and therefore, no need to add anything else to my actions as an explanation.

[Miss Spider]

Seems fine to leave it.

Edited August 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[carhill]

Back in the day I was all Jimmy Stewart nice about things but harsh lessons taught me that, well, nice guys....eh

 

These days, with anyone, dating and otherwise, if there's interest, I express it. If not, zero. Movin' on.

[salparadise]

Taking someone out once doesn't include an expectation that there will be a second, so no explanation needed. In fact, if someone I dated once contacted me to say they weren't interested I'd think they're being presumptuous, and maybe a bit narcissistic... like saying you're breaking up when there wasn't even a relationship. I did have to inform a nice Jehovah's Witness once that I wasn't interested, even though I thought it was obvious that we weren't in a relationship.

[mortensorchid]

I would just let it be, especially if you sense that the person felt the same way. Keep calm and carry on.

[joseb]

In fact, if someone I dated once contacted me to say they weren't interested I'd think they're being presumptuous,

 

Yeah, that's my take on it too.

 

But there is so much moaning about "ghosting" on here (often after a single date, sometimes even before one!) , I thought I'd see if I'm still thinking clearly

[Miss Spider]

You can ghost before or after a first date, such as

 

- person reaches out to you after first date and you ignore them

 

- you agree to a second date but before you firm plans you ignore them

 

-you've been talking before meeting and they say or ask something that merits a response and you ignore them

 

These are not as harsh as ignoring someone after 3+ dates but it's still ghosting

 

 

But in this case you can't assume the other person wants to continue. If you said you're not interested it'd almost seem like you're rubbing it in lol

Edited August 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Imajerk17]

If she makes contact or asks you out, then I think you should nicely let her down easy, otherwise a text out of the blue saying that you don't see this as a match can come across as kind of presumptuous or patronizing. So I say do nothing unless she expresses keeness towards you.

[GemmaUK]

If she makes contact or asks you out, then I think you should nicely let her down easy, otherwise a text out of the blue saying that you don't see this as a match can come across as kind of presumptuous or patronizing. So I say do nothing unless she expresses keeness towards you.

 

What he said.

 

Ghosting in a relationship or after a good deal of dates I can understand someone being upset but after one date I wouldn't even call it ghosting.

[TheTraveler]

You have almost 3 thousand posts on this board...leave it and move on

[Eternal Sunshine]

Just leave it.

 

I had a guy do this once and I was highly annoyed. It came across as if he was 100% that I was interested and I wasn't. I texted him back "I never showed any interest in seeing you again so your text was completely unnecessary"

[kortz]

Just leave it.

 

I had a guy do this once and I was highly annoyed. It came across as if he was 100% that I was interested and I wasn't. I texted him back "I never showed any interest in seeing you again so your text was completely unnecessary"

 

Haha, zing!!

 

But to the OP, unless they're following up with you I'd say you can just leave it. I always try leave a first date on a note to set expectations. If it was good and I want a second I'll usually say something like 'I'll message you later on' then follow up a few hours later or the next day with something casual indicating I had a good time. If I don't then I leave it with a 'thanks for meeting for a drink (or whatever), it was nice to meet you have a good night' and that's that.

[CptInsano]

I agree with the other posters and suggest you let it rest. However, if you are really not interested, please be clear should she reach out to you. I once tried to be too polite, and it only gets more complicated in later stages.

 

I also wouldn't worry about the term "ghosting" that much. In my experience a good portion of people who were ghosted wouldn't take no for an answer. Sometimes you have to stop communicating in order not to give false hope.

Edited August 1, 2017 by CptInsano

[smackie9]

If you can see that she totally feels the same as you then just leave it.