Some feelings are impossible to just turn off..

July 31, 2017

So earlier this summer, I met one of the nicest and sweetest people ever. We hit it off right away and started talking. It felt like we were instant friends. A person you can converse with who actually listens and pays attention. Either I don't surround myself with many people like that, or those people are going extinct. Either or, I'm not sure what's the true answer to that question..

Personally, the second I saw her, something drew me to her so I purposely went over to talk to her. Somehow I knew there was truly special about her without even talking to her. And she turned out to be the nicest person I have ever spoken to in my entire life. Going up and talking to her was the best decision I ever made. Usually I'm really shy and do not do anything close to this, I surprise even myself the way I act around her. So since I first met her a couple months back, I have always been looking forward to the days where I'll get to see her. And then one day..

She utters the B word.. I was in complete shock but I know I hid it so well she never even noticed. I'm so good at it that I almost convinced myself! And later that day could you believe I got to meet him and actually really liked him. He is more her age and seems truly caring, and I am great at reading people in a second. So he's definitely good for her as far as I'm concerned, it just sucks because the feelings I have for her are so real. But at the same time I'm happy she's with someone who respects her and treats her right.

So ever since I met him, I have tried everything to turn off my feelings and move on. But I just can't, I think about her every day and look forward to the time we can spend together. Even if it is just chatting for a few minutes, I love those moments. I don't want her out of my life because our connection feels so real and so true, I have never met a person like her. She is like the long lost friend I have prayed to meet my whole life. She is truly a special person. She makes me feel so good about myself and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything.

What I truly want to know is when do I finally just say no?? I deserve to be happy and what if she's the one for me and worth fighting for? I'm tired of all these happily married or non singles telling me that she isn't the one or it's the wrong time or she's too young! When is enough enough and I do what I feel is right and what makes me happy? Because I know if I let her go, I will regret it and hate myself for it for the rest of my life. Something inside me is telling me to not give up, to make her a close friend and maybe one day win her heart. It's one thing if she were married, I would let her go, but she has a boyfriend who she might have just started dating for all I know.

I know she also has some feelings for me because half the time she comes over to me and initiates conversation and is genuinely interested in me. I can see it in her eyes and in her smile that she is happy to know me. Maybe she just thinks of me as a friend, and I am completely fine with that. I just want her in my life, I honestly can't imagine my life without her. She has made me so happy and has made my world a much brighter and happier place. I feel truly blessed to have met her. Should I ask for her phone # and see what happens? All I know for sure is that I really care for her, boyfriend or no boyfriend.

July 31, 2017

She has a boyfriend. Full stop.

I fear that you are confusing kindness and friendship for something more. "It's one thing if she is married, but she and her boyfriend could have just started dating for all I know..." If she was interested, she wouldn't have a boyfriend anymore... See what I'm saying...

"When is enough enough and I do what feels right and makes me happy?" You have the right to do what feels right and what makes you happy - as long as it does not come at someone else's expense. In this case, it's probably best if you let it go...

I'm sorry.

Edited July 31, 2017 by BaileyB

August 2, 2017

Well, I asked for her # and she enthusiastically gave it to me so

August 2, 2017

, I look forward to the time we can spend together. Even if it is just chatting for a few minutes, I love those moments. I don't want her out of my life because our connection feels so real and so true,
I deserve to be happy and what if she's the one for me and worth fighting for?
I know if I let her go, I will regret it and hate myself for it for the rest of my life. Something inside me is telling me to not give up, to make her a close friend and maybe one day win her heart. It's one thing if she were married, I would let her go, but she has a boyfriend who she might have just started dating for all I know.
I know she also has some feelings for me
I just want her in my life,
I honestly can't imagine my life without her.
Should I ask for her phone # and see what happens? All I know for sure is that I really care for her, boyfriend or no boyfriend.

If you were her boyfriend and some guy was writing this about her, what would you want us to say to him?

I'm tired of all these happily married or non singles telling me that she isn't the one or it's the wrong time or she's too young! When is enough enough and I do what I feel is right and what makes me happy?

Until she tells you she's broken up with her boyfriend and she wants a relationship with you, you leave her alone and don't pursue her. You dont' want her friendship: if you did, this post wouldn't be here. You want her as your girlfriend.

Quite frankly, you need to develop some self discipline and learn that you can't always have what you want...

Well, I asked for her # and she enthusiastically gave it to me so

So... her boyfriend doesn't deserve your contempt and you need to be careful that he doesn't get wind of you or you may find yourself being visited by him and some of his boys to help you get clear on their relationship.

Edited August 2, 2017 by kendahke

August 2, 2017

This seems like all levels of unhealthy. Something about someone claiming they can't imagine their life without someone before they even have that someone's phone number doesn't seem right

August 2, 2017

So funny, everyone always bashes me when I have feelings for someone.. Really makes me feel like I am destined to be alone! Maybe I am..

August 2, 2017

So earlier this summer, I met one of the nicest and sweetest people ever. We hit it off right away and started talking. It felt like we were instant friends. A person you can converse with who actually listens and pays attention. Either I don't surround myself with many people like that, or those people are going extinct. Either or, I'm not sure what's the true answer to that question..

Personally, the second I saw her, something drew me to her so I purposely went over to talk to her. Somehow I knew there was truly special about her without even talking to her. And she turned out to be the nicest person I have ever spoken to in my entire life. Going up and talking to her was the best decision I ever made. Usually I'm really shy and do not do anything close to this, I surprise even myself the way I act around her. So since I first met her a couple months back, I have always been looking forward to the days where I'll get to see her. And then one day..

She utters the B word.. I was in complete shock but I know I hid it so well she never even noticed. I'm so good at it that I almost convinced myself! And later that day could you believe I got to meet him and actually really liked him. He is more her age and seems truly caring, and I am great at reading people in a second. So he's definitely good for her as far as I'm concerned, it just sucks because the feelings I have for her are so real. But at the same time I'm happy she's with someone who respects her and treats her right.

So ever since I met him, I have tried everything to turn off my feelings and move on. But I just can't, I think about her every day and look forward to the time we can spend together. Even if it is just chatting for a few minutes, I love those moments. I don't want her out of my life because our connection feels so real and so true, I have never met a person like her. She is like the long lost friend I have prayed to meet my whole life. She is truly a special person. She makes me feel so good about myself and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything.

What I truly want to know is when do I finally just say no?? I deserve to be happy and what if she's the one for me and worth fighting for? I'm tired of all these happily married or non singles telling me that she isn't the one or it's the wrong time or she's too young! When is enough enough and I do what I feel is right and what makes me happy? Because I know if I let her go, I will regret it and hate myself for it for the rest of my life. Something inside me is telling me to not give up, to make her a close friend and maybe one day win her heart. It's one thing if she were married, I would let her go, but she has a boyfriend who she might have just started dating for all I know.

I know she also has some feelings for me because half the time she comes over to me and initiates conversation and is genuinely interested in me. I can see it in her eyes and in her smile that she is happy to know me. Maybe she just thinks of me as a friend, and I am completely fine with that. I just want her in my life, I honestly can't imagine my life without her. She has made me so happy and has made my world a much brighter and happier place. I feel truly blessed to have met her. Should I ask for her phone # and see what happens? All I know for sure is that I really care for her, boyfriend or no boyfriend.

She has a boyfriend why do you still want to be the second player. Man you need to have a grip on your life and move on. Do not stalk this woman one call to the police stops you right there. You need to find a girl who is free to meet you, then hopefully date you, and then have some sort of long term dating relationship. With this girl if she's a cheater you will never the one she'll end up with you'll always be another one of her cheats!

August 3, 2017

Decent advice but she's not a cheater nor would I ever do anything to try and break them up. It's impossible to explain to outsiders how we clicked. The connection we have is truly special and I know for a fact that we'll be good friends from here on out so it's all good, thanks!

August 3, 2017

Not bashing you for your feelings, very sorry if it came off like that. wondering if maybe it would help not to get so deep with someone you have a only spoken with superficially. It's mostly projection at this point. You don't really even know who she is deep down. She has a bf. How nice can she be if she meant anything more than friendship in giving you her number,

You're certainly not meant to be alone, but the oneitis might causing that. There are plenty of nice, available women, but your obsession over particular one w boyfriend might make it harder to find the right one for you. Just another perspective. Hope it all works out the best for you.

August 3, 2017

Double post. Sorry.

August 3, 2017

I believe you because I've experienced love at first sight before. But I also believe in past lives and all that, blah blah blah (which is where I think these deep connections come from). Never felt anything like it before or since, and I still can't explain it logically.

That being said, even when you know for a fact that the attraction is mutual--even when you've heard it from the horse's mouth--it's not worth hanging around and waiting for the person to become available when your intentions for them are not platonic. It will make you closed off to any other potential partner in the mean time; ultimately, you have no control over when and if she becomes single, and if she would even choose to date you when that time comes despite any mutual attraction. You don't want to put yourself in the position of having to compete for someone who isn't even on the market and the heartbreak that can entail for everyone.

I would back off, focus on creating a full life, and if she becomes single, then pursue if you're still available and interested.

August 3, 2017

Decent advice but she's not a cheater nor would I ever do anything to try and break them up.

The minute she gave you her number means she IS a cheater and by inserting yourself into her life you ARE doing your utmost to break them up...

There is nothing "innocent" about what either of you are doing here, no matter how you may try to spin it.

August 3, 2017

So funny, everyone always bashes me when I have feelings for someone.. Really makes me feel like I am destined to be alone! Maybe I am..

You are not destined to be alone. Quit telling yourself that lie in order to wallow in self pity.

You're not being bashed because you have feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. You're being bashed because you are putting wrong, disrespectful and contemptuous actions to those feelings and are interfering in a relationship you have no business being in.

No, you should be admonished for willfully interfering in the relationship with someone you already know isn't available because she's got a boyfriend. That takes a breathtaking level of contempt against her boyfriend, someone you don't even know, to OK it with yourself to do this.

Plus, we're trying to save you from getting a thorough beat down from her boyfriend and his boys. A wise man would heed these warnings.

August 3, 2017

The minute she gave you her number means she IS a cheater and by inserting yourself into her life you ARE doing your utmost to break them up...

^^^This. All. Day. Long.

August 3, 2017

The minute she gave you her number means she IS a cheater and by inserting yourself into her life you ARE doing your utmost to break them up...

There is nothing "innocent" about what either of you are doing here, no matter how you may try to spin it.

Don't you dare talk about her like that, you don't even know her! She is an amazing person with a great and caring heart! You have no idea the reason she actually gave me her # so you have absolutely zero right to judge her.. He knows she gave me her # because he was there! You can call me anything you want but please keep her out of your mouth!! Thanks!!

Everyone else, thanks for the solid advice, it's really helpful!

Edited August 3, 2017 by OneForMe

August 3, 2017

You asked for an outside point of view, you got it so don't fight it.

You are obsessing, and when you obsess you see things that are not there. She totally friend zoned you, put the breaks on with saying she has a BF when she noticed (and yes she knows you are in love with her or getting too close).

So what if she gave you her number, it means squat. You are reading way too much into this.

If she truly does have feelings for you, then she is monkey branching which is pretty much on a slight level of cheating, well at least emotionally cheating. I don't care if her BF was there, it doesn't mean she is this innocent goddess of the light in your heart.

If you want to be released from her grip, kick her off that pedestal you have her on, and stop hanging out with her. Pull yourself away just for your own sanity. If you don't, and she shows up with a ring on her finger, next thing you know you will be this blubbering baby sobbing in front of her, telling her how much of a fool you are, and how this will destroy you.

All she is to you is crack...yes like being addicted. You are becoming dependent on her for your happiness....it is so dark, very dark my friend.

August 3, 2017

Don't you dare talk about her like that, you don't even know her! She is an amazing person with a great and caring heart! You have no idea the reason she actually gave me her # so you have absolutely zero right to judge her.. He knows she gave me her # because he was there! You can call me anything you want but please keep her out of your mouth!! Thanks!!

Everyone else, thanks for the solid advice, it's really helpful!

Yeah, he was there when she gave you his number, but is he aware of

I look forward to the time we can spend together. Even if it is just chatting for a few minutes, I love those moments.
I don't want her out of my life because our connection feels so real and so true,
I deserve to be happy and what if she's the one for me and worth fighting for?
I know if I let her go, I will regret it and hate myself for it for the rest of my life.
Something inside me is telling me to not give up, to make her a close friend and maybe one day win her heart.
It's one thing if she were married, I would let her go, but she has a boyfriend who she might have just started dating for all I know.
I know she also has some feelings for me
I just want her in my life,
I honestly can't imagine my life without her.

All I know for sure is that I really care for her, boyfriend or no boyfriend.?

Did you share all that with him when she gave her number to you? If not, why not, all things being up and up? I'd wager a guess that you didn't want a beat down on the spot.

Because none of that sounds like you just want to be her buddy and don't mind him tagging along with you two.

You put her into our mouths, so...

August 3, 2017

...He(her bf) is more her age...

...I'm tired of all these happily married or non singles telling me that she isn't the one or it's the wrong time or she's too young!

How old are you and how old is she?

August 3, 2017

How old are you and how old is she?

I would venture to guess she is about 20-21, I'm not sure since I haven't asked her birthday yet and that's gonna be my next question to her. I am 31 but take great care of myself and make sure I look like a human being. I am clean cut, no tattoos and I don't drink. And when people are asked to guess my age, they're shocked when they find out I'm older than 21. Our family has great genes, my grandma is 85 and still shops and cooks. My mom still works 3 jobs at 55. I need to ask them for advice the next time I see them!

And I apologize for snapping at you, I just don't want her name dragged thru the mud because of me because she's an amazing person and is completely innocent in this entire saga. She does not deserve it and I won't ruin her life or I would never ever forgive myself. I didn't mean to yell at you and I'm sorry, you're just trying to help!

And I don't care if I'm friend zoned, it actually takes a lot of pressure off of me. I just want her in my life to be able to talk to her every once in a while. I grew up with all friends being girls so I should know better than having my feelings go crazy like this. I think I'm more grounded now thanks to you guys and time apart to think about things.

August 4, 2017

I am 31 but take great care of myself and make sure I look like a human being

This made me laugh out loud.

August 4, 2017

OneForMe

Dude.. you need to calm yourself. You seem WAY too invested. That level of investment doesn't always end well

August 4, 2017

l dunno what you want.

lf you want her that means them busting up.

Well, 21 , of course they'll probably bust up, sometime. !!!!!!!

Otherwise your just gonna be mr best friend while bf gets the girl.

Not my cuppa tea but hey , go for it.

l reckon the best bet , well the most decent thing anyway , is to go away , live your life, until they do break up. Could be wks or could be years.

August 4, 2017

I just don't want her name dragged thru the mud

We don't know her name. Only you do.

August 4, 2017

what do you think her boyfriend thinks you are to her? Just a "friend" who approached her out of the blue, with no known common interest, and started talking her up enough to eventually get her number? I swear, all these people with their heads in the sand ... you, the boyfriend ... she's got total control over the both of you.

August 4, 2017

If she was your girlfriend, and another man started talking with her or asked for her number... I have a feeling that you would have a problem with that... So, don't do that to someone else.

The whole thing creeps me out, to be honest. If an older man approached me and shared the intensity of these feelings, I would run the other way.... It just doesn't seem very healthy or reasonable, at all.

Edited August 4, 2017 by BaileyB

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