jgraham11 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I just started talking to this girl from OkCupid just today. We had set up a time and place to meet and everything seemed fine. However, we kept talking over text and the topic of living situations came up Now I live in Boston, Ma. Anyone who lives in Boston, NYC or the Northeast for the most part knows rent is not cheap. I'm saving up for a condo instead of renting an apartment by living with my uncle. I figured transparency is the best thing to do and just told her that.. The conversation died out pretty quick after that though. She asked if I had roommates and when I said that I think it may have hurt my chances with her. I just graduated college, albeit I'm 24. So is this usually a big deal to women? I mean a studio in Boston doesn't go for anything less than 1.5K a month and I just think renting is stupid. Why pay for something you'll never own. At the same time though I don't want my living situation to be screwing up my dating chances
Imajerk17 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 (edited) People can lose interest for whatever reason OP, and it is their prerogative. OLD does make people pickier about things such as living situation, financials, ect. IRL there are plenty of guys who are still living in Mom's basement and who are jobless who have devoted girlfriends. In fact, I'd even go so far to say that a lot of women online SCREEN OUT guys based on financials because they don't want to end up with someone again like their slacker ex. That said, I do think you'd have better luck w dating in general if you moved out and got your place, either with or without room-mates. At 24 you often will be cut some slack but if you stay with your uncle it will get harder and harder as you get older. I mean, it's hard to look like an adult if you aren't paying your own rent. Your prospective dates may be thinking that they are paying their own rent, why aren't you doing likewise. What was this particular woman's financial/living situation? Edited July 31, 2017 by Imajerk17
Miss Spider Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Probably. Don't tell them about your situation until you meet in person at least is my recommendation. People are way flighty before the first meeting anyway, many options to choose from. On a date you become more "real", can probably charm her more than you can with text, and if the topic comes up explain your situation and that you are saving for your own condo. It still is probably a disadvantage but I think it'd work better 2
kendahke Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I'm saving up for a condo instead of renting an apartment by living with my uncle. I mean a studio in Boston doesn't go for anything less than 1.5K a month and I just think renting is stupid. Why pay for something you'll never own. This is the trade off to your strategy. Some women you meet will balk at the idea of you living with family. Others won't. Your dating success depends upon how committed to your strategy you really are. If you're finding the women you're attracted to are putt off by your living arrangement, then you may have to put dating aside until you've amassed enough money to buy your condo. If finding a woman is more important to you, then you may have to just go ahead an rent so you can have a girlfriend.
MiracleGift Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 If she lost interest just because of this, she doesn't truly care about you. Move on and meet someone nice and deserving with you.
Erik30 Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 You should have ended the conversation when you were done setting up the date. Anyway, I think her interest was low to begin with if that was enough to turn her off.
kortz Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 I wouldn't worry about it too much. I dated successfully while living at home and saving for my house, including some quite successful independent women which was a bit intimidating! It comes down to the person and if its important to them that their new date and potential future partner is independent and able to support himself then you just gotta respect that and find someone who's ok with your situation. Try not to dwell on it before a couple of dates with someone and when it does come time to talk about it, talk it up a bit. Tell them you're really focusing on your career and want to get on the property ladder as soon as possible and make it sound like you're ambitious and have goals and this is just part of your life strategy. Then there will come a time where you do meet that criteria and you've got your own place and you'll find out because you haven't got a car or something else that a woman loses interest I once dated a woman who was ok with me living at home but didn't like my red boy racer car (long time ago)...priorities!
Author jgraham11 Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 Yeah Kortz, I might have overreacted a bit. I mean she's still texting me and hasn't mentioned about cancelling plans So I guess I just mistakenly got the wrong vibe from her texts after telling her. I really should just rent a place though. It just sucks the thought of spending money on something you'll never own
spiderowl Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 It might have put her off if she didn't fancy meeting your uncle. What you are doing is wise. I think you could put it across differently. You could say you are saving for a condo, how important your own place is to you, and for the moment you are putting away as much as possible so staying with a relative. That way, you come across as focused and determined. Don't mention uncle unless asked. A strange guy on the scene could be a worry to a woman.
bachdude Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 (edited) I used to live just outside of Boston and I know that it is hideously expensive. Personally, I think you should stay focused on your career and saving money. To toss that aside to get dates would be utterly unwise. If you were to find a place to rent, on top of having a GF (which likely means an increase in expenses too), you will delay your goal of having a place of your own by many years, or indefinitely. Do the math - 1.5 k a month for rent divided by the estimated number dates you would get a month. Those are some expensive dates my friend. Is it worth that much money? And if you are looking to have a family some day, I strongly recommend getting financially established before getting too serious in a relationship. And it takes longer to do that in a place like Boston. Save now, climb the ladder, get your own place in Boston in your 30s, and you will find plenty of dates. You will even be able date women in their 20s because you will have financially passed up a lot of the younger guys. You have plenty of time. Focus, man, focus! Edited August 1, 2017 by bachdude
guest569 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I would find it awkward. Not about money but meeting the uncle. Need space and privacy
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Yeah Kortz, I might have overreacted a bit. I mean she's still texting me and hasn't mentioned about cancelling plans So I guess I just mistakenly got the wrong vibe from her texts after telling her. I really should just rent a place though. It just sucks the thought of spending money on something you'll never own The problem was obviously just in your mind and not in hers at all. YOU expected her to reject you over your living arrangements but that was not true. If you have bigger plans for your life, best to not alter them for just some imagined problem on your part. Women tend to like men with plans for the future. YOU are only 24 not 54, women will not expect you to be completely set up financially yet.
kortz Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Yeah Kortz, I might have overreacted a bit. I mean she's still texting me and hasn't mentioned about cancelling plans So I guess I just mistakenly got the wrong vibe from her texts after telling her. I really should just rent a place though. It just sucks the thought of spending money on something you'll never own Well how long will it take you to save up? I don't think you should go out and rent just for the sake of getting dates. I lived at home for 12 months so I could save up a deposit. Before that I rented for 4 years and had my own place but at the end of it I had 0 savings to show for it. You're young and prioritizing career and a home is a really wise thing to do if you can. If you really wanted to get out of your uncles places maybe you could share an apartment with a friend? that way its cheaper and people (dates) are much more understanding...plus its easier to get privacy as your friend/room mate would be more understanding, and a date is probably ok eventually meeting a room mate.
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