dragon_fly_7 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 My boyfriend is being too demanding on food and the various cooking styles. According to him, he already knows a lot more than me and expects me to be at his level or higher. I love some foods but I don't like getting pressured to do something I don't like eating or that has too much condiments and unhealthy ingredients l (I imagine having a high cholesterol if I prepare that constantly). I hate pizza, lasagna, some chessy stuff but he wants me to know how to cook everything. For personal reasons I'm living with my parents and they weren't too happy about the new foods I've been making. It's been affecting their health. They have no idea I'm getting pressured. The foods he's asking for I'm afraid I would need to own a business. I'm no where close to a Martha Steward nor other famous chefs. One of our extensive argument a long while back, in which he kept raising his voice on the messenger was about me not washing the green basil and green spinach before cutting them (I used to cut the leaves and then wash them) for the green spaghetti. When I expressed my frustration, he hung up on me. I wanted to literally say the F word at the moment but I would lose by then and it would be over.
clia Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 There's a word called "No" that you can use. But can you provide more info? I'm confused why you have to cook your parents the same thing you cook your boyfriend? And why are you cooking so much for your boyfriend anyway that this has become such a problem? Does he ever cook for you? Why don't you two just go out to eat so he can order what he wants and you can order what you want? 3
Author dragon_fly_7 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 There's a word called "No" that you can use. But can you provide more info? I'm confused why you have to cook your parents the same thing you cook your boyfriend? And why are you cooking so much for your boyfriend anyway that this has become such a problem? Does he ever cook for you? Why don't you two just go out to eat so he can order what he wants and you can order what you want?We're in a long distance relationship but according to him, all this is for myself, for my future if we (him and I) ever had a child, that it's not for him. He doesn't want to end up in a marriage where it's all about ordering outside and if his future wife is only cooking at average level. Basically he wants to me the Mrs Know it all in the kitchen.
Redhead14 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 My boyfriend is being too demanding on food and the various cooking styles. According to him, he already knows a lot more than me and expects me to be at his level or higher. I love some foods but I don't like getting pressured to do something I don't like eating or that has too much condiments and unhealthy ingredients l (I imagine having a high cholesterol if I prepare that constantly). I hate pizza, lasagna, some chessy stuff but he wants me to know how to cook everything. For personal reasons I'm living with my parents and they weren't too happy about the new foods I've been making. It's been affecting their health. They have no idea I'm getting pressured. The foods he's asking for I'm afraid I would need to own a business. I'm no where close to a Martha Steward nor other famous chefs. One of our extensive argument a long while back, in which he kept raising his voice on the messenger was about me not washing the green basil and green spinach before cutting them (I used to cut the leaves and then wash them) for the green spaghetti. When I expressed my frustration, he hung up on me. I wanted to literally say the F word at the moment but I would lose by then and it would be over. If he is at your home and you are preparing meals, you tell him that that it your/your parents home and that is what you've prepared and he can eat it or not, but he cannot tell you what you should or shouldn't prepare or how to prepare it. If he likes, he can bring all the ingredients for the meals he wants, and come in time to prepare the meal for everyone in the household. You can also remind him that you are not his wife and even if you were, you would not tolerate his attitude. And, when you want his advice, knowledge, experience, you will ask him for it, otherwise, he can go somewhere else for his meals and companionship/sex. In other words, take a hike. 3
Grumpybutfun Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 He sounds like a stone age ass. Yes, it is nice for you to cook for your family in the future but to be so exacting and demanding now means he will never be pleased by anything you do. Be kind to yourself, because he's only going to kind to you to manipulate or control you. Move on to a nice boy. Best, Grumps 4
clia Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 We're in a long distance relationship but according to him, all this is for myself, for my future if we (him and I) ever had a child, that it's not for him. He doesn't want to end up in a marriage where it's all about ordering outside and if his future wife is only cooking at average level. Basically he wants to me the Mrs Know it all in the kitchen. So you are cooking meals that you don't like and your parents don't like for someone who isn't even there? This is so strange. If you really were interested in cooking and this type of food and wanted to be doing this, that would be one thing, but are you sure this is what you want to sign up for, because it sounds miserable. 11
Author dragon_fly_7 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 So you are cooking meals that you don't like and your parents don't like for someone who isn't even there? This is so strange. If you really were interested in cooking and this type of food and wanted to be doing this, that would be one thing, but are you sure this is what you want to sign up for, because it sounds miserable.I have to admit some meals from my country I did like doing it but as time went by, he's been exaggerating. Sometimes I feel like our conversation is limited to food and the reminder that it's been a year now since I started cooking and that by Nov, I'm expected to do an elaborate Thanksgiving dinner (then send pictures). That it has to look good and I can't make any mistakes otherwise he'll just hung up and don't speak with me for days...I dunno.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I have to admit some meals from my country I did like doing it but as time went by, he's been exaggerating. Sometimes I feel like our conversation is limited to food and the reminder that it's been a year now since I started cooking and that by Nov, I'm expected to do an elaborate Thanksgiving dinner (then send pictures). That it has to look good and I can't make any mistakes otherwise he'll just hung up and don't speak with me for days...I dunno. This is very, very odd behavior. What do you like about him? 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 You hate pizza??? Who hates pizza?? But all kidding aside, guy just sounds jerky... TFY 2
rushed Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 and that by Nov, I'm expected to do an elaborate Thanksgiving dinner (then send pictures). Wait. What? You guys are long-distance, so I'm assuming you rarely see each other. But yet he is demanding that you cook foods that he likes in a way he specifically requests for people (meaning you and your parents) who are not him? 1) That makes zero sense. 2) Why are you even entertaining his demands? This guy sounds completely controlling. I don't know your situation, but I'm pretty sure you're much better without this guy in your life. 5
preraph Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Why are you with this controlling jerk? He's not your boss. Get out before you get stuck with him. 7
basil67 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 For your boyfriend, this isn't about food - it's about control. Is this how you want your life to look in the future? Because he's signalling very clearly that he will dominate every move you make and take away much of your personal choice. I don't understand why your parents are allowing this to happen in their house. I get that you allow him to control you, but why are your parents not standing up to it all? The whole thing is remarkably dysfunctional. 6
Bastile Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 You want to try going out with an Italian. They basically have rivalries over there over who makes the best food based on region. They're proper crazy I'm basically a viking who is a bit uncultured about food to be honest... It worked based on a lot of good humour between us. If you don't have that, then you are just going to be annoyed at each other constantly.
SammySammy Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Tell him no. No. Just sat it ... no. Tell him you won't be cooking food that's not healthy for you or your parents. And ... IF ... you get married, you won't be cooking unhealthy food for your child either. You're not a chef and shouldn't be expected to be. Tell him you'll do what's best for your family. Period. Starting now. Let him deal with it the best way he can. 2
SammySammy Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 You hate pizza??? Who hates pizza?? But all kidding aside, guy just sounds jerky... TFY I love pizza. Just ... can't remember the last time I had pizza. Gluten. Dairy. Nixed in my diet. If I ever have it again I'm probably going to eat a whole large pizza by myself. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. With a huge smile on my face. 1
basil67 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I love pizza. Just ... can't remember the last time I had pizza. Gluten. Dairy. Nixed in my diet. If I ever have it again I'm probably going to eat a whole large pizza by myself. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. With a huge smile on my face. What about gluten free base with vegan cheese? I had a vegan pizza recently and I swear, the "cheese" was as good as any dairy based cheese I've eaten. It was a little creamier too - divine stuff. 1
spiderowl Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Your boyfriend is domineering and controlling. He is going to carry on like this until you put a stop to it. Tell him to stuff his special diet. Yes, he will probably dump you because he is looking for a woman he can control. This is not going to get better. He is unhealthily obsessed with food and control. Why are you with someone who is making you feel pressured? He should be loving and supportive. Do you think this is what relationships are about? 2
spiderowl Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Is this some kind of arranged marriage or something? Why would anyone make a love match with someone who was as controlling and unpleasant as he seems to be? 2
central Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Today it's food. What comes later? If he can't respect your views and compromise, then that's a huge red flag, and you should demand that he respect your views, or dump him (probably best to just dump him, as he's unlikely to change, or will pretend to change). 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Today it's food. What comes later? If he can't respect your views and compromise, then that's a huge red flag, and you should demand that he respect your views, or dump him (probably best to just dump him, as he's unlikely to change, or will pretend to change). Exactly! OP, is this a cultural thing? Have you ever met this man in person? How did you meet? 2
Author dragon_fly_7 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 Exactly! OP, is this a cultural thing? Have you ever met this man in person? How did you meet?I don't think so. He's just being too much into food every since a year or two years before we got back together. Yes, we used to date in Miami, Fl years ago way back in 2006. I left to my country with my parents in May 2007 for reasons out of my control (and it wasn't out of choice). We broke back in 2010 over the phone and got back in Oct of 2016. When we were broken up, we were friends but nope, haven't seen each other in person for the longest. He works at Publix supermarket and that's part of where he gained knowledge about cutting fruits, meats, veggies anything to do with foods.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I don't think so. He's just being too much into food every since a year or two years before we got back together. Yes, we used to date in Miami, Fl years ago way back in 2006. I left to my country with my parents in May 2007 for reasons out of my control (and it wasn't out of choice). We broke back in 2010 over the phone and got back in Oct of 2016. When we were broken up, we were friends but nope, haven't seen each other in person for the longest. He works at Publix supermarket and that's part of where he gained knowledge about cutting fruits, meats, veggies anything to do with foods. So, basically, his number 1 priority in a mate is how good of a cook she is?
Author dragon_fly_7 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 We met long, long ago in myspace.com (before facebook became popular). It was 2006 and I saw a cute guy. I said ''Hi Cutie'' and that's how it started our history.
Author dragon_fly_7 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 So, basically, his number 1 priority in a mate is how good of a cook she is?Seems like it. Some of our conversation is all about food and him reprimanting me on my lack of knowledge of some cooking. One time, I really wanted to talk about other topics (so many topics to talk about) and was getting bored with an hr or so spend on food.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Seems like it. Some of our conversation is all about food and him reprimanting me on my lack of knowledge of some cooking. One time, I really wanted to talk about other topics (so many topics to talk about) and was getting bored with an hr or so spend on food. So I'll ask again, what do you like/love about this man? 1
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