minou23 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I met a guy and we hit it off! We dated a couple months and it was great. I was so happy and he already told me he was falling in love. I felt it too. So we made it official after about a month. To make a long story short... I had a trip planned out of the country since before I even met him. I was anxious to leave for 11 days due to my own insecurities. But before I left he assured me nothing would be different and he would be patiently waiting for me to get back. I left extremely happy. We had a hard time communicating while I was away but I chalked it up to time zone differences. We were 10 hours apart. Fast forward to last two days of my trip I get an iffy message on Instagram. It looked like spam but maybe not. It was a screen shot of his profile and there were a couple people in the group message. One was my best friend that he hasn't met yet and 2 other girls and one fake profile. I asked him about it and he told me he thinks it's this crazy girl he dated months ago and he hasn't seen her in a long time and she creates fake profiles to stalk him. He promised me everything was fine and I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. I asked my friend and she said everything else he said has added up so I should trust him this time. So we left on a good note. The next day (Friday) he calls me but I didn't answer because it was 3 am where I was (actually Saturday for me). I texted him that I was sleeping and what's up and he read it but didn't respond. Later on, I text him to tell him I'm going to the airport and won't have service. When I got to my layover back in the states I saw that he read it and he didn't respond but I figured it's because he knew I wasn't gonna have service. Anyway when I finally landed and got home I called him around noon and he didn't answer. I left a message. Nothing. I texted him two hours later saying I'm home. And he read it but no response. I called again at 9 and nothing. So I texted him why can't you answer me and he didn't respond! What the heck is going on?? Is he ghosting me? Is this his way of breaking up with me? I'm so confused because literally a couple days ago everything was fine. He even offered to pay for me to go to another country because I had told him I wanted to but it ended up being way too expensive. That's a huge gesture so I figured he still really cared for me. I'm thinking of sending him a text saying "I don't know what happened. I really enjoyed our time together but I feel like you don't want to see me anymore. So I'm going to stop texting you now" or "delete your number" what do you think I should do? Am I overreacting ?? He usually takes a couple hours to respond to my texts as he's said many times he hates texting but I think by now he could have responded. Thanks for reading. My stomach is in knots.
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I would think that he would have planned his day for the day you got home to spend time with you. The fact that he didn't is not great. All the rest of it, the texts, the bad timing, the Instagram is all too much. I think for a 1 month relationship you had a LOT of contact while you were away. Power down. See if he calls you tomorrow. If he doesn't assume you are broken up. If he does, ask him where he was the day you got home. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Sounds like he's mad at you for some reason and giving you the silent treatment. 1
Author minou23 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 Thanks for the response! So just to clarify, we made it official after knowing each other for a month but have been together now for a couple months. I agree. I 100% thought he'd free up his day to see me as he did the day before I left.
olivetree Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Whether he is ghosting you or punishing you with the silent treatment, both are immature and cruel behaviour. I would not text him. You have reached out enough. I would not just assume this is over but I would decide it is over for yourself and move on. So, even if he got back in touch, there would be no going back. 5
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Something strange is happening, I'm sorry to say. I would not reach out to him again. He knows you're trying to contact him and his lack of response is very rude. He could, as another poster suggested, be giving you the silent treatment for some reason. Or perhaps he spent the day with someone else and doesn't want to get caught. What was this group message on IG about? 1
Mjm1014 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Relax and give him some more time to get back to you. It does sound a little fishy why it says he read your message and didn't get back to you, but the more you text him trying to get him to talk, the more insecure you look, which may drive him away further because you really have no idea what's going on at this point. Eleven days away isn't much being gone, I work for an industry that requires me to travel for a living, and over the years I've never met someone that would give up if I was gone for only 11 days...either he was planning on ghosting ahead of time before you left, or he is just upset about something. If this doesn't pan out, consider yourself lucky that you aren't stuck with someone that would act this way when you're only gone for a week and a half. I mean 11 days won't change the relationship, if anything it would drive you closer with the anticipation seeing each other! Honestly, I think you should step back and not worry about it too much-I'm sure he will reach out if he cared-if not move on and don't look back. 1
Author minou23 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 The group message was just a screenshot of his Instagram profile. But it had the top part where it shows the battery percentage and cellular bars cropped out. It came from a fake account. The account only had like 5 followers and no posts and there were two accounts CC'd like that. One of them was only following him. I chose to believe that whoever did this was a psycho as it's super weird and creepy. And I asked my friend who's met him and she said to trust him this time because everything else he's said has added up and been truthful. Also, he sent me screenshots of him blocking her account and he reported it as spam.
Poutrew Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 If I were you I would send a thank you note to the psycho lady for ratting him out. He probably felt that for the next 11 days he could act like a single man, you know , like the old saying, "When the cat's away the mice do play"... well your mousy boyfriend got his rinky dink caught in the snap trap this time and he probably isn't talking to you because it takes a time to come up with a good lie and he needs to get his ducks all in a row...
rightondude Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 this sucks but something has happened. Hopefully you get an answer to what; it could be that he got his feelings hurt and is now playing the silent game. Or maybe he's in the hospital. Or maybe psycho ex stole his phone or is holding him hostage. I read it as you guys are close enough that you could just drop in and say hello. That would at least give you an answer.
Author minou23 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 I sent him a message at 4:30 pm since I hadn't heard anything from him. I told him that I feel like he's avoiding me and it hurts. I thought what we had was great but I feel like he doesn't want to see me anymore. So if that's the case I'll leave him alone. It doesn't show that he read it. I feel so dumb and sad. Like I have no one to talk to about it. Or when I tell my friends they say maybe he was dating that other girl. And I don't want to think about that because it just makes it worse. I have a whole new set of thoughts to dwell on. Like he chose her over me. He was lying about everything. He played me. And I don't want to think any of that is true.
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I would have told you to hold off on that message. The way you worded it comes off desperate, begging & cloying. There is something to said for being proactive. If you are done you are done. But what are you going to do if he responds to it saying he's sorry or whatnot? 2
Author minou23 Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 So he responded and said he was at work and will call me later and he wants to see me. And then he said he was in Palm Springs this weekend. I just felt like I had to tell him that. I don't know what to think or do. I'm frustrated.
Zahara Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 So he responded and said he was at work and will call me later and he wants to see me. And then he said he was in Palm Springs this weekend. I just felt like I had to tell him that. I don't know what to think or do. I'm frustrated. So, this person he loves so much is back from her trip but he goes AWOL. The reason being he was working and was in Palm Springs? How does that affect his ability to send at least a text when all it requires is about 4 seconds of his time? This guy is shady. I have a feeling he was with someone else and couldn't communicate with you and the person is now gone and he's now available to you. Tread carefully. 6
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 So he responded and said he was at work and will call me later and he wants to see me. And then he said he was in Palm Springs this weekend. I just felt like I had to tell him that. I don't know what to think or do. I'm frustrated. And it took him until now to let you know that? I don't buy it. There is something very amiss about this situation. Yes, he might well have been where he says he was, but that doesn't explain why he avoided replying to you until now. I agree with Zahara; he was probably with someone else and didn't want to risk replying to you and getting caught. Now that he's alone, it's "safe" to respond. I'm sorry OP, but it's pretty clear he's hiding something. This is not the way an honest man in love behaves. 2
Bastile Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 So he responded and said he was at work and will call me later and he wants to see me. And then he said he was in Palm Springs this weekend. I just felt like I had to tell him that. I don't know what to think or do. I'm frustrated. Palm Springs lol I've had relationships with various nationalities that went on trips home to various parts of Europe. What you got there isn't any sort of standard behaviour to be accepted. But it's up to you what you'll put up with... 2
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 I wouldn't even bother meeting up with him after all that drama and game playing. It was completely unnecessary and hurtful. Pay attention because you are getting a good insight into his character and what behavior you can expect from him in the future. That alone could be reason enough to rule him out as boyfriend material. Also, I have agree with the other posters who suggested that he was probably screwing around with someone else and trying to cover his tracks. If you let him get away with this once it will likely become a pattern of "going missing". Forget the guy you thought he was and open your eyes and see who you are dealing with now. Consider that screenshot a warning. 2
Author minou23 Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 I thought he could have been with someone else but if he really wanted to cover his tracks wouldn't he go to the bathroom or something to send a quick text? Why open it at all then? It doesn't make sense either way. One thing I do know is that's not boyfriend material. It's messed up to leave me hanging. 2
clia Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 I'm trying to understand the timeline. He last called you on Friday evening, and you didn't hear from him again until Monday. So, three days? I texted him that I was sleeping and what's up and he read it but didn't respond. Later on, I text him to tell him I'm going to the airport and won't have service. Anyway when I finally landed and got home I called him around noon and he didn't answer. I texted him two hours later saying I'm home. And he read it but no response. I called again at 9 and nothing. So I texted him why can't you answer me and he didn't respond! Something might be up with him, but who knows. The amount of texting and calling you did over a one or two day period (I'm guessing you landed on Sunday?) seems crazy excessive to me. It very well could have turned him off. This is only a two month relationship. 2
Author minou23 Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 I'm trying to understand the timeline. He last called you on Friday evening, and you didn't hear from him again until Monday. So, three days? Something might be up with him, but who knows. The amount of texting and calling you did over a one or two day period (I'm guessing you landed on Sunday?) seems crazy excessive to me. It very well could have turned him off. This is only a two month relationship. Sorry, it's hard to explain the timeline because we were in different time zones. So I figured he wasn't texting me back because of that. For example, when I was up and about it was 3-5 a.m. back in California where I'm from. I had a 16 hour+ flight with a 3 hour layover at JFK airport and again it was like 5 am back home. I left Israel Saturday at midnight and returned to California Sunday at 11 am. I didn't think it was excessive. We talked while I was away and FaceTimed once and we hang out like 5 days a week when I'm home. When we're together he's all over me. Like obsessed. And never wants me to leave. He'll even push back his appointments to spend more time with me. He did something like this right before I left but he was moving. He wasn't texting me much and not asking me to hang out. I was so pissed because I thought he'd make time for me before I leave then I thought I wasn't gonna see him at all. It ended up being a big misunderstanding and he was genuinely busy. He had to move a big house in 3 or 4 days and he told me he did all the heavy work because the movers they hired sucked. We ended up spending the night together and it was amazing and the day before I left I spent with him. He kept trying to get me to stay longer but I had to meet my family for dinner. So I left on a great note. I thought to myself there's no way he can be doing this to me. But I also thought he'd be so eager to see me he should make time. I don't know if I'm overreacting. I want that to be the case. Like this is just a one-off thing. That this isn't the norm. So I don't want to jump to conclusions but I don't want to be played either.
Author minou23 Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 I'm trying to understand the timeline. He last called you on Friday evening, and you didn't hear from him again until Monday. So, three days? Something might be up with him, but who knows. The amount of texting and calling you did over a one or two day period (I'm guessing you landed on Sunday?) seems crazy excessive to me. It very well could have turned him off. This is only a two month relationship. Also, to answer your question, yes. He called me Friday his time/ california time which was 3 a.m. on Saturday Israel time. I texted him that I was asleep and what's up and he didn't respond. I came home Sunday at 11 am ish California time. Didn't get a text back till Monday California time. And he thought it was funny when I told him I thought he wanted to break up with me. Like I was being ridiculous or something. But then he said he'd call me later and didn't. I texted at 10:30 pm last night and he didn't respond but also didn't read it either.
clia Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 Also, to answer your question, yes. He called me Friday his time/ california time which was 3 a.m. on Saturday Israel time. I texted him that I was asleep and what's up and he didn't respond. I came home Sunday at 11 am ish California time. Didn't get a text back till Monday California time. And he thought it was funny when I told him I thought he wanted to break up with me. Like I was being ridiculous or something. But then he said he'd call me later and didn't. I texted at 10:30 pm last night and he didn't respond but also didn't read it either. I know the timeline is a little confusing due to the time zones, but I'm just trying to look at this from his perspective (in his time zone), to see if it seems even remotely reasonable. He calls you at approximately 5 pm Friday evening, knowing the time difference, and knowing you have a flight the next day. You text him a couple of times before you leave, nothing that really required a response from him. If he decided to go to Palm Springs Friday evening, he might've been busy with that. So, he gets to Palm Springs, he's hanging out all day Saturday in Palm Springs, knows you are on a plane. Okay. Reasonable not to send any messages. Then Sunday you land at 11 a.m. and by my count you text or call him four times between 11 a.m. and 9 p.m. I don't know what he's doing during this time -- maybe he was hungover and sleeping or out hiking with friends or sitting by the pool or out having food and drinks with his friends and just isn't paying attention to his phone. Then he picks it up and sees this barrage of messages and goes WTF, I don't want to deal with this right now. Then he goes home Sunday night, crashes because he's tired from the weekend in Palm Springs (and your last message to him of "why don't you respond to me" has annoyed him), and just goes to work on Monday. And you text him again. I don't know -- look, I'm not saying that his behavior was great, but IMO, you should've just texted him once when you got home and left it at that. You were only out of touch with him for three days, one full day of which you were travelling, which at two months just doesn't seem like a huge deal to me. Just my opinion. 3
Author minou23 Posted August 1, 2017 Author Posted August 1, 2017 I know the timeline is a little confusing due to the time zones, but I'm just trying to look at this from his perspective (in his time zone), to see if it seems even remotely reasonable. He calls you at approximately 5 pm Friday evening, knowing the time difference, and knowing you have a flight the next day. You text him a couple of times before you leave, nothing that really required a response from him. If he decided to go to Palm Springs Friday evening, he might've been busy with that. So, he gets to Palm Springs, he's hanging out all day Saturday in Palm Springs, knows you are on a plane. Okay. Reasonable not to send any messages. Then Sunday you land at 11 a.m. and by my count you text or call him four times between 11 a.m. and 9 p.m. I don't know what he's doing during this time -- maybe he was hungover and sleeping or out hiking with friends or sitting by the pool or out having food and drinks with his friends and just isn't paying attention to his phone. Then he picks it up and sees this barrage of messages and goes WTF, I don't want to deal with this right now. Then he goes home Sunday night, crashes because he's tired from the weekend in Palm Springs (and your last message to him of "why don't you respond to me" has annoyed him), and just goes to work on Monday. And you text him again. I don't know -- look, I'm not saying that his behavior was great, but IMO, you should've just texted him once when you got home and left it at that. You were only out of touch with him for three days, one full day of which you were travelling, which at two months just doesn't seem like a huge deal to me. Just my opinion. I totally get what you're saying and it seems to be very logical. But I texted him twice over 6+ hours and called twice because I thought his phone was broken (the other day it wasn't sending messages) but he messaged me on Instagram to let me know me. Anyway we're boyfriend and girlfriend so I figured he should at least let me know he's busy. In which case, I'd totally back off and let him catch up. It just seems like with today's relationships if you're not in constant contact then it's a bad sign. Especially with how often people are on their phones. So what do you suggest? Not text him at all anymore? I don't see why he would say he'd call me and wants to see me if he doesn't. And then laughed it off like I was being crazy. And just to add, my hormones are raging right now. I'm close to that time of the month and I have PMDD. So maybe I am being crazy. But he could still be courteous and just send ONE frikkin text.
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 First off he's being a first class jerk. Actions speak louder than words. If he's working I get it, but people do get breaks, and take time out to have lunch, so he's playing ya.
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2017 Posted August 1, 2017 I don't see why he would say he'd call me and wants to see me if he doesn't. And then laughed it off like I was being crazy. And just to add, my hormones are raging right now. I'm close to that time of the month and I have PMDD. So maybe I am being crazy. But he could still be courteous and just send ONE frikkin text. He's gaslighting you....this is dangerous behavior.
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