SingleDad82 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I have such a hard time these days dealing with the sh*t sandwich my ex served up when she cheated and married her affair partner. The two of the wreaked havoc on everyone's lives around them because of their selfish acts and seem to have little care at all in the world. Since my divorce last year I have lost time with my kids that I'll never get back. I had to completely rebuild my life new as a single father. Meanwhile, she has married and gotten pregnant by this guy, and cannot understand "why I can't be her friend, after all its been a year since our divorce." I'm reminded of why I have shut her out when I have to say goodbye to my kids for a week and a half every Monday with tears in my eyes. Losing her cheating and lying ass was a blessing, but I hate the life she's served the rest of us. It feels like a pain that will never heal. Am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with her? I feel like everyone else around me is farting rainbows while I'm struggling daily. I miss my kids so much, and it's hard to let that not become bitterness. I know everything happens for a reason.. but it doesn't make it any harder to swallow watching such disgusting people live such happy lives while I can't even maintain a solid serious relationship because I have trust issues. It sucks... anyone else out there?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Since my divorce last year I have lost time with my kids that I'll never get back. I had to completely rebuild my life new as a single father. Meanwhile, she has married and gotten pregnant by this guy, and cannot understand "why I can't be her friend, after all its been a year since our divorce." She has to think that way. What's the alternative? Admitting she's a person of no integrity? She won't do that.....because she has no integrity. It's hard, this resentment over the betrayal and then seeing them living so well. I have it here, too, and I really have to squash it down at times, still (about 2.5 years later). I will tell you that therapy for a year worked wonders for me. There are still times that I get in the mood to fire off a text reminding him how awful he is as a person, but I no longer do that lol! 1
Author SingleDad82 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 She has to think that way. What's the alternative? Admitting she's a person of no integrity? She won't do that.....because she has no integrity. It's hard, this resentment over the betrayal and then seeing them living so well. I have it here, too, and I really have to squash it down at times, still (about 2.5 years later). I will tell you that therapy for a year worked wonders for me. There are still times that I get in the mood to fire off a text reminding him how awful he is as a person, but I no longer do that lol! Yea, I did do that this morning if I'm being honest.. Mainly because I really questioned myself last week when she texted me with the question "why we can't be friends" or "why I'm so cold towards her" and I felt dumb this morning when I had to say goodbye to them, that pain is manifesting anger about the situation and magnifies it it seems. After I sent it. I got a text back that she wasn't "starting this with you today, I have a spirit of joy and you're not taking that away from me." Must be nice and I guess you have that control when you selfishly sh*t on everyone around you with no regard. She's called me not acknowledging her and her affair partner turned hubby's presence when the kids aren't around in the past as "rude".. I simply see it as the way I deal with people who hurt me. I don't say a word to either of them... how is that rude? I may need to pursue counselling of some sort.. If anything to get these things off my chest. I really do just want to be happy. But, it's hard coping with someone destroying your dream of a normal family life.
preraph Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 No, you're not wrong for not wanting "to be friends," but you do have to keep up a polite facade for the kids' sake and scheduling and all. Tell her, if you must, that since she did what she did, not only do you not love her anymore but you don't even like her, but that you will do all you can to cooperate where the children are concerned if she will do the same and be sure there's Court mandates on all that stuff so you don't have to dicker with her about it. She wants you to ease her guilt because she knows what she did sucked. Lots of times the court will tell divorced people to only communicate via text or email so there's a record if someone gets nasty and to keep you from having to talk to each other. You can request this if you need to.
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