I honestly think that i'll never be happy again, 7 months in

[LOSINGHOPE113]

so i am 7 months into my breakup and i still have not had a day that i have been happy without her, 7 months of complete misery and not feeling myself, its torture. I use to be such a happy person i was always so optimistic, i always ask myself how has my breakup caused such a change in my mental state.

 

without her i dont feel "accepted" anywhere. ive lost the perosn that accepted me for who i was, for all my crazy views on life, that person that i ddin't have to justify my opinions to becuase she agreeed with me, now i just feel like i dont fit in anywhere i am utterly lost, i feel like along with loosing her i have lost one of my legs and half of my brain.

 

my sister says to me that i didn't realise just how much she manipulated me and my life choices and that now shes gone im lost because for the 2 years we were together i didn't actually make a decision on anything.

 

 

Before i met her i was such a strong person, i thought what i thought and i wasn't ashmed of who i was, i didnt care what people thought of me and when i was with her that was even more the case, becuase i had her, she was the only person i cared about the opinion of and she had a high opinion of me i didnt have to worry what anyone else thought but now shes gone i worry what everyone thinks of me.

 

i still think about her all the time! is that normal?? for example today is my sisters 1 year wedding anniversary and all i can think about is this time last year and how much of a wonderful time we had with each other there, oh how crazy it is how different things can be just a short year later.

 

i dont think ill love again, i dont think i have the confidence to love again and im only 23! when i met her i was crazy confident i layed down my crazy opinions on life and i couldnt belive that she agreed with me on them but the point is that i didnt care if she agreed or not, but now i am scared to give people my true opinions in fear of what they'll think of me.

 

why am i so messed up in the head, how on earth has breaking up and loosing her done such damage to me. my therapist and close friends have described what she put me through in the last few months of our relationship as emotional abuse i hate saying it because that seems so extreme, but as i look back she treated me so badly and i cant believe i put up with it for so long, i dont understand how she use to be so so so loving towards me and then turned into how she was. one of my friends made a comment the other day that i am not struggling now because i have lost her i am struggling because of the way she treated me for so long anyone had experience of this? and even after this realisation WHY WOULD I STILL WANT HER BACK?? i literally think that no one will ever give me the warm and cosy feeling inside that i am so desperately craving again, i think that she is the only person in the world that can give me that feeling.

 

sorry for abit of a rant, my head is all over the place

[Ariadne]

Hi LH,

 

Well, it´s tough, but reading what you wrote it sounds to me that you are more bored than anything. That somehow being with her gave you drama and excitement and now you don´t know what to do with yourself.

 

You´ll find your way to be the better version of you, with more experience, and life will go on.

[blessedby4]

Hi, When I was going through life difficulties, I could not think straight at all. I kept thinking about my problems over and over again. Not really getting anywhere. I finally decided to call out to God. Over time things got better. But I still call to God all the time. I saw this inspirational video https://youtu.be/KBy2D8p5Kpw, I hope you as well will be encouraged. I will be praying for you.

[Gillys]

I can relate to everything you just wrote. It honestly took me over a year post BU to start to feel like I was improving. I'm no where near whole again but I can see significant positive changes.

 

What helped me is making a short term and long term goals list as well as making a daily schedule. I bought some pocket notebooks and wrote down all the goals that I wanted to complete for this month/ year such as (buy new car, move, new job, read so many books, stay in contact with college buddies, visit family, go to X number of concerts, squat x amount of lbs, etc.). Next, I wrote down things that I needed to do to reach my goals and made a daily schedule. This helped me have more focus on something other than my ex and limited the time I was allowed to obsessively review the past.

Perhaps this could help you as well if you're struggling with over analyzing the past.

 

Hang in there

[bummer]

I wish when I was 23 I took similar bruises and worked through the pain of losing the "one" so it made it easier when I was 30.

 

you're missing an idea, a vapor cloud of false warmth towards someone you admit was not good to you. you are not missing her, the real her who left you. she is a nasty dragon you'd gladly give half your brain and a leg to not date anymore.

 

we all want what we can't have. how stubborn you are will guide how long it takes for you to feel happy and quit dreaming of the dragon.