turnerik Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 We've been on a few dates and what not. I really want a relationship with her and we are super close. We've talked about our dreams, and she wants to go far away for school, and move around. I know it's early on but her dreams really don't have me in them. I have no problem moving. She's a teacher so she won't be leaving for at least another year. It's super early in our relationship but I'm worried that she will just up and leave. I can't be mad at her for wanting to do that but I also don't want to get super serious with someone who will be gone. We are both adults so it's not like she's an 18 year old leaving for college for the first time. Do I save myself from the potential heartbreak down the road or do I just keep trying with her and maybe her plans will include me?
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Don't get involved with people who say they are moving unless you can detach your feelers and have no expectations, otherwise there is a large chance you will wind up face down in a pile of your emotional vomit
OatsAndHall Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I wouldn't give up on it so quickly as neither of you honestly know how you'll feel a year from now. She may want to stay or you may be inclined to move with her if the relationship turns out to be a keeper. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Lots of people say they want to move. Most don't. A year from now things may be very different. All you can do is deal with the now.
spiderowl Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I see your difficulty. When people first get to know each other, they talk about their dreams and plans without including the other person. In fact, some feel they need to have life plans or any potential partner would find them uninteresting. However, I can see how that could look like a life plan that can't change. It is very early so I don't think you can really start asking about how you could be included at this point. I can understand your dilemma here if you are keen on her. I suppose as it is going to hurt if you stop seeing her now, you might as well continue on a bit longer to she starts to include you in her plans. Your heart is already involved anyway. If she becomes more definite about doing things without you, then have a discussion with her about it. You could tell her you could not get too serious with someone who was planning to leave and move away, without some indication they would like to include you in their plans in the future. I think it is possible to talk about that in a general sort of way even now as long as it is not specific to her. You could say how any relationships is an emotional investment and how it helps if both are going in the same direction if they want to get serious at some point. It will give her something to think about anyway.
OatsAndHall Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Honestly, I wouldn't say anything at this point. You're just seeing each other and she's tossing out the possibility of moving. I'm a teacher and I can tell you that many of us get wanderlust at some point but it doesn't take much to keep us in a community we like. Right now, I am contemplating moving at the end of next school year, for a variety of reasons. I have not told the gal that I am (sort of?) seeing about these potential plans as I haven't set anything in stone.
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