Troubles With the son...

[Charisma]

Hi gang, I have been dating this woman for 2 years. I really like her and she is nice. She does have a 12 year old boy that is a problem. He has gotten intoa lot trouble rrecently. They live in a small town. He tried to burn down a building, he broke into the arena and drank wine, he brought her ex's crackpipe to school snd ore recently he stole $1500 cash from my drawer...which he was caught with at school. I don't think I can have this boy live with me. His mother would like to move in after 2 years and I can't avoid the elephant in the room. He can't be trusted. Right now he is in a special school for 6 months to help him.

 

His mother used to be an alcoholic but since she met me she quit drinking but still has the odd one. She lost her license 3 timed and the last time for a year. She now has a blow box in the car to make sure she drives sober. I helped her pay the $4000 fine to get her license backsince she is out of money... She pays me interest every month. She also owes me money for buying a part for her car $800 and $500 for an exercise machine.

 

It's a small area so it's not easy to meet others. I am in my late 50s and her early 40s.

 

What should I do with this relationship??

[Miss Spider]

You should run as fast as you can away from this mess is what you should do

[Bastile]

What should I do with this relationship??

 

Burn it to the ground. Sprinkle holy water on the spot. Hope not to be haunted by evil spirits.

[amaysngrace]

That poor kid. He was raised by an alcoholic mother who brought a crackhead into his life, is sent away to boarding school, and now has the next man in his mothers life, YOU, resenting him and blaming him for how he's turning out.

 

Maybe you should tell your GF that instead of moving in with another man she should try raising the one she birthed.

[Charisma]

The boy raised himself as she was in an abusive relationship. I think he was put in front of the tTV set to play video games all the time. I am trying to be accepting and tolerating but I can't ignore this boy it's too big of a deal. I do like this woman. She feels that no one will want to be with her due to her son.

[amaysngrace]

The boy raised himself as she was in an abusive relationship. I think he was put in front of the tTV set to play video games all the time. I am trying to be accepting and tolerating but I can't ignore this boy it's too big of a deal. I do like this woman. She feels that no one will want to be with her due to her son.

 

She should stop playing a victim. That's nice that you like her and all but do you respect her?

 

I get it....I'm a single mom too....but we all make our own choices. She is resenting her own son too? Both of you are?

 

Now I feel even worse for that kid.

[Miss Spider]

That's extremely sad to hear. It's unfortunate how many kids are not raised with good figures and end up in jail , prison, sad paths.

 

You cannot save the world. And you shouldn't have to. She is mother. He's 12 years old there is still a chance for him to get back on the straight and narrow but she is his mother and she is not being a responsible one ! Get her child under control then deal with her love life instead of dating crackheads and men she can mooch from emotionally and financially.

Edited July 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[amaysngrace]

He's 12 years old there is still a chance for him to get back on the straight and narrow but she is his mother and she is not being a responsible one !

 

Exactly. I don't know why charisma says this child "raised himself". He isn't "raised" yet.

 

He's TWELVE

[BaileyB]

You would not be very wise to allow this woman to move in with you...

[Charisma]

I meant he spent lots of time alone...she leaves him alone lots and after he stole money from me I wasn't keen on having him at my place. She is a nice person but she has a lot of problems. She has 3 kids with 3 different father's. The daughter lives with her father and her son is 25 and off on his own. I have given her a lot of help and money when she needed it. I loaned her $4000 to pay her drunk driving fine.

[amaysngrace]

Where is his dad? Prison?

[Bastile]

There are enough red-flags to amuse every bull in Spain.

 

The "unfortunate" often just draw misfortune onto themselves; they'll also draw it onto you.

 

She's creating her own problems, which you've allowed to become your problems. Therefore you are also creating your own problems.

 

Break the chain.

Edited July 30, 2017 by Bastile

[preraph]

The boy is a mess because he was raised by an alcoholic. I would tell her "no" to moving in. Just tell her you don't want to move in together. Tell her it would only increase tension all around. I don't know if whatever special school will help him. Only if he gets regular psychiatric care while there and only if she participates and learns how to reparent him. Burning things is very serious and it's often a first step to even worse things. Be sure and don't leave him unsupervised around animals in case he is also going to take it out on them. Those two things often go together in budding criminal minds.

 

Just tell her no. She needs to be able to stand on her own two feet anyway. She's been too messed up to even try until now. It would help her self-esteem a lot if she got confidence in herself knowing she could look after herself.

 

Good luck.

[5x5]

What should I do with this relationship??

 

End it and stop financing that banner parade of red flags.

[Charisma]

The biological father is not interested and never really met the boy. He has nothing to do with him.

[5x5]

I am in my late 50s and her early 40s.

 

What should I do

 

Hey gang, I recently celebrated my 30th birthday and I decided that I really want to start enjoying my life more.

 

Amongst other things you should try to remember your post from 2009 here on Loveshack, so as not to age yourself 20+ years in 8 years.