Allison feeney Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Hi all I have a problem which I need advice on. I hope someone can help. I have been dating a guy for around four months now. A few nights ago we had dinner and a few drinks, we both ended up tipsy. Late that night we went to bed as you do and one thing lead to another. Previously I discussed with him that I had to come off my pill because it was causing me problems. We were in his room in the dark and we started to take each other's clothes off as things got more heated. Before anything happened I said to him we need to use protection and reminded him about the pill. He agreed. Again as we kept kissing I gently reminded him again and he said yeah we can use a condom, so at this he excused himself to go and lock his front door and came back and went into his drawer , which I assumed was to get a condom. He came back and we started kissing again and next thing he moves inside me and we have sex. A few minutes later he pulled out and ejaculated on to my stomach, this is when I then realise he hadn't went and got a condom after all. For whatever reason I did not say anything to him at the time , probably due to having. A few drinks but I know I should have. But now I am left feeling angry. My question is though is this my fault for not double checking when he entered me? I feel so worried I could be pregnant but I'm not sure who's fault this all is , mine or his. I'm not sure what to think. I feel disrespected. The next morning he attempted to have sex with me again without one but I said no. He replied it's ok I pulled out last night in plenty time and said he would do that again to which said no.any advice would be greatly appreciated. What would you do I. This situation? Am I at fault here or him? Thank you guys
Whodatdog Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Its not about fault. Your body, your responsibility. Its up to you to say yes or no. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 You were disrespected. He told you he'd wear a condom but didn't. He is not to be trusted. This time was his fault. If you keep seeing him, every time after is your fault. Proceed at your own risk. 1
Author Allison feeney Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 Its not about fault. Your body, your responsibility. Its up to you to say yes or no. I understand this, obviously when I let it happen though I thought he had put one on given I asked him a few times. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) Kudos to you for being sexually responsible You're were both tipsy but even if that exused the night before, the next day he tried to it again. when you said no he tried to convince you the pull-out method hadn't failed him!!! Yes, I think he has disrespected you. Next time, be firm no glove no love and if he continues to cross the line end it You are probably not pregnant if he pulled out ...You might want to get checked for STIs though if you're not sure he's only sleeping with you. There are some with no symptoms that can lead to infertility. Edited July 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author Allison feeney Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 You were disrespected. He told you he'd wear a condom but didn't. He is not to be trusted. This time was his fault. If you keep seeing him, every time after is your fault. Proceed at your own risk. Thank you for replying. Thing is up until now he has been this amazing caring guy who thinks the world of me. Do you think there's any chance that it really was just in the heat of the moment? I feel though I should have checked to make sure he had used something was I wrong to assume after asking and him getting up to leave the room that he had gone to get a condom?
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 No I don't think it was the heat of the moment. He had the presence of mind to get out of bed to lock the door. He cares about safety when it suits him. This was deliberate. If you continue you are going to hear whining about we didn't use a condom last time; I don't like them; I'll pull out. 1
rightondude Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Thank you for replying. Thing is up until now he has been this amazing caring guy who thinks the world of me. Do you think there's any chance that it really was just in the heat of the moment? I feel though I should have checked to make sure he had used something was I wrong to assume after asking and him getting up to leave the room that he had gone to get a condom? It wasn't in the "heat of the moment" (which is just an excuse anyway) if he got up, went to the other room for "something" and then entered you raw after multiple requests he not do so.
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 "Heat of the moment" is no excuse for crossing a woman's boundaries. Nope. Every guy I've been intimate or close to intimate has never went for a condom. You gotta tell dudes these days. If they lie or try to talk you out of it's disrespectful
OnlyHonesty Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Simply looking to double check that he had one on would have saved you a lot of bother. Or you could have made it a part of the fourplay. Both of you are to blame, but given the seriousness of the situation, you need to take on board what this tells you about him, and how he sees you.
rushed Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Both at fault, but mostly his since you made your choice to use protection vocal, him for misleading you by going into his drawer, and you for not double-checking. Regardless, go take the morning after pill immediately.
preraph Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 It's both your faults, but now it's more his because you told him to use a condom and he didn't respect your wishes and I'm sure he's just going to try to make you feel stupid for going off about it and tell you there's no way you could get pregnant, which isn't at all true since most guys leak a little before ejaculation, and also there's disease. My advice to you is never to see him again! He doesn't respect you at ALL. 2
TheBathWater Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Wow! That is really messed up. I know that sex is nowhere near as good with a condom, but I mean, come on. That is so disrespectful. I would talk to him about it if you plan on sleeping with him again, and if he can't understand why you're upset or gives you a hard time about it again in the future, get rid of him. 1
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) Both your fault. You should have made him pull a condom out to prove he had one before proceeding with and sexual contact. YOU KNEW what was going to happen before dinner was finished. Yes he disrespected you, and is ignorant that the pull out method works. He not so smart that one. If I were you I would go pick up PLAN B and take it just in case. You have 72 hours to take it. Secondly you both were at fault for not purchasing condoms. Tho he should have had some handy like most responsible guys do....it is still our responsibility as women to have protection because we are the ones that get pregnant. Lastly, if you two haven't been tested for STD's like the HPV virus, before not using a condom, then you both are dummies. BTW your BF is a jerk misleading you like that...should have punched him in the nuts. You better break the news to him that women can still get pregnant from pre-ejaculation. Edited July 30, 2017 by smackie9
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 For what it's worth after the fact, it's both your fault. He made a conscious decision to go bareback without your consent. He lied to you and mislead you and that is NOT ok. He would NOT be getting another date with me. You are at fault because it is your body, it's your responsibility... to make sure that you have birth control and protection from STD's. 1
Author Allison feeney Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 Both your fault. You should have made him pull a condom out to prove he had one before proceeding with and sexual contact. YOU KNEW what was going to happen before dinner was finished. Yes he disrespected you, and is ignorant that the pull out method works. He not so smart that one. If I were you I would go pick up PLAN B and take it just in case. You have 72 hours to take it. Secondly you both were at fault for not purchasing condoms. Tho he should have had some handy like most responsible guys do....it is still our responsibility as women to have protection because we are the ones that get pregnant. Lastly, if you two haven't been tested for STD's like the HPV virus, before not using a condom, then you both are dummies. BTW your BF is a jerk misleading you like that...should have punched him in the nuts. You better break the news to him that women can still get pregnant from pre-ejaculation. I have been tested at a recent routine smear test. Also he did have condoms in his drawer as I found out the next morning. Maybe you're right I should be blaming myself for this, I should have bought some and said here put this on but I thought when I mentioned it and he said yes we will use something he would have turned round and said look I dont have any if he didn't instead of going out the room coming back in and trying to have sex with me without. I've been wrong I think.
Author Allison feeney Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 so an update- I spoke to him today and he says that he went into his drawer for lube not a condom and that this must have been when I though he went in for a condom. He says he knows that he pulled out well before he came and that he is sure it will be okay but he is deeply sorry and would never disrespect me . He says he know she shouldn't have relied on the pull out method but he got carried away and because he had had a few drinks and it was just because he was enjoying himself he got caught up in lust and knew he wanted to be inside me.and has never disrespected me and wouldn't ever.he has apologised but I'm still not sure how to feel about it. Any advice?
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Now he's lying to you a second time. He knows he can manipulate you & you are letting him. My advice remains the same: get away from this man. He's deceitful & has no respect for you. Have some respect for yourself. You get carried away around him, hence your failure to realize he did not put on a condom. It's not exactly a smooth transition so you should have noticed. It may have been a heat of the moment thing for you so you can't trust yourself around him. If you stay with him what else is he going to put over on you? When he takes money out of your purse, will he say it was a heat of the moment thing because he had a craving? When he brings another woman into your bed, will he say it's a heat of the moment thing because he was missing you so much he just needed to get off? The sick thing is you are going to forgive him & this is just going to keep happening & happening. At the very least you need to get back on BC that is automatic so save you from yourself. 2
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Tell him you are still unsure about what happened. Sounds to me he's just telling what you want to hear to cover his butt. What about him? has he been tested and you have actually seen the results?
2much4 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 (edited) The only thing you did wrong was not dumping this guy yet. Edited July 31, 2017 by 2much4
Author Allison feeney Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 The only thing you did wrong was not dumping this guy yet. Why do you think I should have dumped him completely ?
Author Allison feeney Posted July 31, 2017 Author Posted July 31, 2017 Tell him you are still unsure about what happened. Sounds to me he's just telling what you want to hear to cover his butt. What about him? has he been tested and you have actually seen the results? He says that he has been tested and that with His last partners he has used a condom. Obviously I have no solid evidence of this.
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 so an update- I spoke to him today and he says that he went into his drawer for lube not a condom and that this must have been when I though he went in for a condom. He says he knows that he pulled out well before he came and that he is sure it will be okay but he is deeply sorry and would never disrespect me . He says he know she shouldn't have relied on the pull out method but he got carried away and because he had had a few drinks and it was just because he was enjoying himself he got caught up in lust and knew he wanted to be inside me.and has never disrespected me and wouldn't ever.he has apologised but I'm still not sure how to feel about it. Any advice? Excuses, excuses, excuses... He's got more excuses than a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar! The truth is, he knew what you wanted and he chose to ignore your request in favour of his own selfish, sexual pleasure. He put your health at risk and risked an unplanned pregnancy - purposefully. That is not ok. If you believe his excuses and don't dump this guy, then you are a silly, silly girl... 1
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 (edited) If you stay with this goof, make sure that he gets tested and you see the results. And, get some reliable birth control. Because, chances are that he's going to be overcome with lust again... and he can't wait to be inside you... What a romantic guy... Except next time, oops... He was so caught up in the moment that he forgot to pull-out. But, it will be fine because "it's not the right day..." They have a word for stupid boys like this - Daddy. Edited July 31, 2017 by BaileyB 1
Poutrew Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 If you want to teach him a mini lesson so intense it'll make his testicles pack up and leave the room, sweetly tell him in a week or so that you skipped your period Tell him maybe he shouldn't have forgotten to wear a rubber suit after all... 3
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