varicose Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Been dating a guy for a month and things had been going well. Recently he said his sister would be in town and wanted me to meet her, but the time came and went and he never made plans with me. Now I'm paranoid that I did something to change his mind. How can I bring this up to him without sounding needy?
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Why would it be needy? He told you he wanted to meet his sister.....send him a text asking when you can meet her and that you are looking forward to it. Always say things in a positive manner. 1
Author varicose Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 Why would it be needy? He told you he wanted to meet his sister.....send him a text asking when you can meet her and that you are looking forward to it. Always say things in a positive manner. I just assumed that he changed his mind since the day passed when I would have.
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 I just assumed that he changed his mind since the day passed when I would have. Communicate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He hasn't heard from you so he's probably thinking the same thing. 3
act00 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 His sister came and left and he never introduced you? How about you ask, "You said you wanted to introduce me to your sister, but when she was in town, you didn't. What happened? It's not needy at all to follow up on a plan. When she was in town, you could have said to him, asked, "Are we going to get together with your sister? Should we plan on drinks <other activity>?" You've only been going out a month, and getting the "new girl" involved in family can be considered too much, too soon. It's possible he didn't want to plop you into that too soon and scare you away, or he felt like even though he really likes you enough to introduce you to his family, it's just a little too soon for that for himself and also for you. He said it, but ultimately he may have felt the timing was off and didn't pursue it. At this stage of your relationship, I wouldn't take it personally. 1
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 It's possible her visit was very short with him, and she made other plans to see friends.
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 You are viewing meeting his sister and a sign that the is upping things with you. You want him to treat you like a girlfriend, but at one month, meeting the family isn't a priority yet. The decision not to meet up with you may not have been his and, perhaps, more about her schedule, etc. Forget the maybes. Next time you talk with him, ask him about her and how their time together was, etc. and say that you would look forward to meeting her some time in the future and let it go.
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 I know it's too early yadda yadda yadda BUT it's the principle of the thing. If he changed his mind he didn't communicate that to her. I find that inconsiderate overall and a red flag since he did make it a promise to introduce them. All it takes is a simple 2 second text....and he couldn't even do that. Maybe it isn't his sister....... 1
Author varicose Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 I was dating a guy for about a month and a half, things were going great. Spending weekends together and talking on the phone every night. The other night I found out he was going on a date with a new girl (I asked, he told me). I got very upset and even cried because I thought we were basically getting close to boyfriend/gf at that point. He said he's taking his time choosing someone to be with bc he wants to make the right choice. At the moment I said a month and half is long enough to figure out if he wants to be exclusive with me, and when he pleaded to keep talking/hanging out I basically said no. He wouldn't cancel his date, either, so we parted ways angry with one another. Now I feel sad because I did enjoy my time with him. I don't know what to do now. Should I contact him to tell him that Ive thought about it and I'm OK with hanging out casually now (minus sex)? Or is it on him, since he made me so upset?
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Sorry to hear that. Be glad you made the right decision to walk. If he saw serious potential here he wouldn't be dating other girls by now. Well, at the very least he wouldn't be telling you he's dating other girls. Go and settle as being one of his plates he will lose any respect he had for you and continue to string you along until he "chooses" someone else. 1
Author varicose Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 I was the one who pressed for the answer of whether he was going on a date. Now I wonder, if it really is too soon to be exclusive. I was having fun and wouldn't have said anything if it didn't just come up by accident. But yeah, it's very hurtful that he'd do that. I didn't want to kiss him after that. Should I reach out to talk?
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I was the one who pressed for the answer of whether he was going on a date. Now I wonder, if it really is too soon to be exclusive. I was having fun and wouldn't have said anything if it didn't just come up by accident. But yeah, it's very hurtful that he'd do that. I didn't want to kiss him after that. Should I reach out to talk? Why? After 6 weeks of dating he is still seeing other women, so where do you honestly think you fit into all of this? He will not agree to being exclusive with you either, so he is obviously not that interested in you as a long term prospect. YOU are now hurt and if you jettison your principles and agree to keep seeing him non-exclusively, you are just going to get even more hurt. 2
stillafool Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I agree. When he does meet the right girl he will lock her down fast. Until then he still needs female companionship if for no other reason than sex. He must see prospects with this other girl or he would have agreed to cancel his date because you made it known you want to be exclusive. I think if you continue to see him you are going to end up hurt. 4
Bastile Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 A couple of months is fair time, and long enough for a guy with a LTR mindset to know whether he wants to continue things. You should be initiating a talk after that sort of time, if a committed LTR is what you want. His priority is gaming girls, rather than settling with one. It's really that simple. You can change a guy's mind. But the success rate is so low that it would be very foolish of you to try. When I was of a mind to play the field, only one woman pulled me into a LTR, and it was done very cleverly over time. Ironically, I passed up a couple of better girls before that. So don't think it's a judgement on your worth. It's just where he is at in his head. Don't say you weren't warned 3
Boymomma Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Personally I think you should know within a few weeks of regular dating/talking whether you see someone as a long term partner or not. You did the right thing. You deserve someone who will commit to you. I am in your same situation. I have been seeing a guy for a month and we arent exclusive and he says he has other stuff going on in his life but still wants to hang out and get to know me. I agreed, but now starting to think differently because I honestly think he should know by now if he wants to be with me. My gut feeling is he doesnt. It sucks. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 yeah...he would have lied. Anything but have said " you stay there on the backburner while I go on another date with chick to see if she's better than you because I'm not that sure about you" Seriously? TBH, at this stage, he should be preferring to spend that time with you anyway. This is like your honeymoon phase. The rules change for the right girl. He's just not that into you. He will most likely meet someone he likes more. Perhaps if you stick around, let him trample all over your boundaries, there's a .01% chance you might wear him down eventually. But he'll never be that excited about you. Please move on. There are other men. Don't hurt yourself more. 1
preraph Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 While I don't think six weeks is really long enough for someone who is multidating to decide to want to be exclusive, if it's long enough for you, then you did the right thing. You have to be careful in the early stages not to invest too much or take the other person too seriously and assume they are exclusive because just because they are nice to you or seem to be really into you doesn't always mean they aren't just as into someone else. I guess you have to set your own pace, but he gets to do that too. It's fine he's multidating as long as he's honest about it. But it's fine you don't want someone who is, too. I think you have to be a little more casual of a person to be okay with multidating -- and, very important, you should also be dating around and it not be one-sided. 3
Ieris Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 He said we're not exclusive ~ Well don't put all your eggs in one basket and start dating other guys. I know you have got into some routine with talking to him every night but clearly he doesn't value all this as much as you do hence why he is still seeking something more elsewhere. If it doesn't work out with the other girls.. don't be surprised if he comes back but don't be waiting around to be his Plan B. 2
Author varicose Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 He said we're not exclusive ~ Well don't put all your eggs in one basket and start dating other guys. I know you have got into some routine with talking to him every night but clearly he doesn't value all this as much as you do hence why he is still seeking something more elsewhere. If it doesn't work out with the other girls.. don't be surprised if he comes back but don't be waiting around to be his Plan B. I think he did value it, but to him apparently it didn't mean we're together. He even said, when we were fighting, how much he enjoys talking to me and hanging out with me. I can see that he does. He calls me just to talk, sometimes even if he's seeing me that night. It's so weird. I wonder if it's an ex he's seeing. Do you think it's on him to reach out again then?
fred123 Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 How did the convo go when u pushed him to ask if he was going on a date?
Author varicose Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 How did the convo go when u pushed him to ask if he was going on a date? He said that he assumed I was dating others too, and played down our relationship even though by all normal metrics it seemed like we were heading toward exclusivity. He said he wants to take time in making the right decision on a partner bc the next one could be "it." Later on I found out his ex had been in touch too, so I wonder if it's her. He did go on about how much fun we were having and how he wanted it to continue, but I was really upset and started crying that he wouldn't cancel the date. Do you think I'll hear from him again?
stillafool Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Please stop the crying because it may be a turn off. If he is talking to you every day he must also be talking to others on a daily basis as well. Otherwise he wouldn't be going on a date. I doubt it is his ex because usually people who have been together and break up meet each other to talk. Also most people don't mind postponing an ex if they have someone new they want to be with. I think the date would be with someone new who he's trying to impress. Yes I think he should be the one to contact you next. 3
Whodatdog Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 What does "it seemed like we were heading toward exclusivity." mean. Unless there was a conversation and both parties agreed to it, then you are just making assumptions. Dating for a month isnt necessarily long enough for exclusivity, tho for some it might be. Obviously for him, its not.
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