When it comes to dating, women are more racist than men [article]

[The Urbanyst]

So this article claims that when it comes to dating, women are more racist than men:

 

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/women-more-racist-than-men-in-search-for-someone-to-love-xk5vpb2fs2w

 

Why do you think this is?

 

And before someone comes in with the old "its not racist to have a preference" I'll tell you that having a preference is the very definition of racist.

 

I'm mainly curious to know why women are MORE racist or what the reason is. Thoughts?

Edited July 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Moved to GRD

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I didn't read the article, but I think one reason might be because women are typically more concerned with what everyone else thinks than men are. I'm talking specifically about older people, such as family members. I know that if I dated someone outside of my race, my mother (who insists she is not racist but she is) would have a problem with it. It would make me more hesitant because I wouldn't want that stress. Just throwing out ONE possible reason.

[The Urbanyst]

Just realize that article might not be visible to all people because you need a subscription.

 

Here are some others saying the same thing:

 

Women Are Racist

 

https://medium.com/@vu0tran/are-women-more-racists-than-men-63d551aa2336

[The Urbanyst]

I didn't read the article, but I think one reason might be because women are typically more concerned with what everyone else thinks than men are. I'm talking specifically about older people, such as family members. I know that if I dated someone outside of my race, my mother (who insists she is not racist but she is) would have a problem with it. It would make me more hesitant because I wouldn't want that stress. Just throwing out ONE possible reason.

 

I agree with you.

 

As an adult man I know that I don't let any person dictate my dating choices but me. But women tend to be more social and less autonomous than men. So the opinion of the group might matter more than their own. Makes sense to me.

[elaine567]

It is not only women though.

 

From the Times article

Almost 100 per cent of the three million or so users of OkCupid said they were totally in favour of mixed-race marriages.

 

However, when it came to approaching or responding to a prospective partner online, every ethnic group showed a strong preference for someone from the same background.

 

The only exceptions were black men who prefered Latin American women, and Asian and Latin American women, who favoured white men.

 

 

Overall, women, whom studies have found to be more risk-averse and conservative, showed a stronger preference for men of their own race.

 

 

Mr Rudder (founder of the OkCupid dating website and probably one of the world’s leading authorities on finding a mate) said that he did not want to accuse online daters of racism. “An individual can’t really control who turns them on. I do think the fact that race is a sexual factor for so many and in such a consistent way, raises deeper questions,” he said.

Everyone likes to be comfy and cosy with few surprises when they are looking for love, and with a common background and race then it is easier to predict what will happen going forward. Delving into the unknown is more difficult and when forming relationships is hard enough anyway, then introducing more potential issues is not usually seen as a good thing for most.

 

I believe most people are "racist", not in a violent or scary way, but given the free choice and OLD does give many a free choice (and in secret too), then "racist" tendencies can come to the fore with no societal criticism. The findings here reinforce that with both the majority of men and women having a stronger preference for people of their own race.

I guess it all runs pretty deep and is instinctual.

[Ami1uwant]

Just realize that article might not be visible to all people because you need a subscription.

 

Here are some others saying the same thing:

 

Women Are Racist

 

https://medium.com/@vu0tran/are-women-more-racists-than-men-63d551aa2336

 

First off its not racist to have a preference to marry the same race.

 

Its been well documented with numerous stories that this is very common with black women and why they are still single in part because they dont have many men available (black men) either because women tend to be more career successful than black men where the men take low education labor jobs while women are getting degree required jobs. Also, a good number of potential men end up in prison. IF you assume those 25-35 are 50/50, come when they are 25-25 more of the available men end up in prison., thus a high number ofwomen are competing over fewer men if they try to stay with blacks to marry.

 

Blacks get more family pressure to stayand marry a black person and not marry outside the race.

 

You judt dont have this type of thought process with asian and hispanic women. Those two groups tend to marry whomever they end up meeting irrelevent of race.

[healing light]

I've never understood this because I'm so rarely attracted to someone physically that it's frustrating, and I don't see how people think that *any* aspect of sexual attraction (strictly physically speaking) is under your conscious control. There is a probably an influence of what you're exposed to that comes into play (as there's a psychological principle that repeated stimulus of a face will cause you to find it more attractive over time), as well as other subconscious factors (people tend to be attracted to those with similar DNA but dissimilar immune systems). In fact, my science professor cited research where women who meet their male partners while on birth control can actually lose their attraction to that same male if they discontinue the birth control when they try to conceive because of the hormonal influence on their sense of smell.

 

So I tend to think most sexual attraction is a complex, subconscious process. That being said, I find women of all races on the whole to be more attractive than most men even though I'm heterosexual. I prefer men with feminine facial features (you can imagine how well that's worked out for me, haha). I always laugh a little bit when men bring up this topic because I'm sure if I were a man I would find tons of women from different ethnic backgrounds attractive.

 

However, I have read that women have a narrower base of attraction/are choosier because of evolutionary forces where there was more risk involved for her to find a good father to bear children with (whereas men evolved more to spread their seed, or so I've seen theorized). So perhaps that accounts for why women as a whole would have a stronger preference for XYZ (in this case someone of a similar racial background) than men? I think sexual attraction is too complex to put it down to straight racism.

[tetrahedral]

That's just a symptom of women being more selective than men.

 

Society has collective race preferences for both genders, just like they have collective height preferences or feature preferences.

 

These studies are based on dating service habits. Men contact more women period, than vice versa.

 

So I would suggest a different conclusion - women are more concerned with who they contact when it comes to dating.

 

Men contacting more people doesn't necessarily mean that they care less about race, because the racial diversity in the group they contact could be (and I'd guess is) mostly in the 60th to 90th percentile of people they are attracted to - a subset which women don't contact in the first place.

[Miss Spider]

What's with all the race threads?

 

I don't get how having a preference in who you date is always racist. It no doubt can be, but oftentimes it it's about sexual attraction and we can't rationalize who we are sexually attracted to. It's like calling a lesbian sexist she's not attracted to men. Doesn't say the person has any negative feelings towards them just because they don't want to have sex with them.

[Erik30]

What's with all the race threads?

 

I don't get how having a preference in who you date is always racist. It no doubt can be, but oftentimes it it's about sexual attraction and we can't rationalize who we are sexually attracted to. It's like calling a lesbian sexist she's not attracted to men. Doesn't say the person has any negative feelings towards them just because they don't want to have sex with them.

 

Pretty much this. I only think it's racist if someone has ideoligical reasons for their preferences, and just the thought of interracial dating in general already bothers them.

[basil67]

For me, the answer is a no-brainer.

 

As a woman, I would have grave concerns about setting up a life with a man who was from a patriarchal society. Even if he seemed progressive about equality, I'd be wary of the 'bait and switch' thing.

 

For a number of years I worked for a company where all senior roles were staffed by male expats from a patriarchal country. The things I saw there!! *shudders*. Mind you, the young women hailing from the same country as the men refused to date men from that country. They also wanted progressive western men.

 

What if he had family in a country where I, as a wife, would no rights and he wanted to visit home with me and our children? I could not go there nor agree to my children going there. A marriage with this type of situation could only be a disaster.

 

We have a poster here from a patriarchal society who's approach to marriage shows that there are strict lines of division between the job of a man and of a woman. Again, as a progressive western woman, I would be very wary of finding myself in a situation such as this.

 

Is it racist to be wary of being with someone who's upbringing/culture would be fundamentally incompatible to mine? And in the case of having no rights in their home country - is it racist to be concerned about one's freedom?

[The Urbanyst]

First off its not racist to have a preference to marry the same race.

 

Its absolutely racist.

 

But this thread isn't about telling people who to date. Its about why women are more racist than men in dating.

[BaileyB]

I think women are biologically driven to be more selective - as it relates to the person with whom they want to have sex, marry, and have children...

[Bastile]

There really is little that I find more distasteful than grown men whining about how women won't have sex with them.

 

Then filtering through the lenses of a male-feminist, and coming to the conclusion that women are "racist".

 

With the greatest irony being that it's the same weak mindset and victim mentality that is basically poon repellent in the first place.

 

It's just straight simpin, imo.

[The Urbanyst]

What's with all the race threads?

 

I don't get how having a preference in who you date is always racist. It no doubt can be, but oftentimes it it's about sexual attraction and we can't rationalize who we are sexually attracted to. It's like calling a lesbian sexist she's not attracted to men. Doesn't say the person has any negative feelings towards them just because they don't want to have sex with them.

 

Having a preference is totally racist. Not necessarily in a harmful way, but still racist.

 

How? Because everyone of the same race does not necessarily have all the same traits. For instance you can say "I'm not attracted to Asians because they are nerdy". Well all Asians are not nerdy. Or you can say "I'm not attracted to white people because they have skinny lips". Well all white people don't have skinny lips.

 

Case and point. There is no trait that every member of a certain race has. So you cannot find an entire race of people unappealing unless you are stereotyping them as all being the same. That's why its racist.

 

But that's not the point. Mainly I want to talk about why women are more racist than men.

[The Urbanyst]

For me, the answer is a no-brainer.

 

As a woman, I would have grave concerns about setting up a life with a man who was from a patriarchal society. Even if he seemed progressive about equality, I'd be wary of the 'bait and switch' thing.

 

For a number of years I worked for a company where all senior roles were staffed by male expats from a patriarchal country. The things I saw there!! *shudders*. Mind you, the young women hailing from the same country as the men refused to date men from that country. They also wanted progressive western men.

 

What if he had family in a country where I, as a wife, would no rights and he wanted to visit home with me and our children? I could not go there nor agree to my children going there. A marriage with this type of situation could only be a disaster.

 

We have a poster here from a patriarchal society who's approach to marriage shows that there are strict lines of division between the job of a man and of a woman. Again, as a progressive western woman, I would be very wary of finding myself in a situation such as this.

 

Is it racist to be wary of being with someone who's upbringing/culture would be fundamentally incompatible to mine? And in the case of having no rights in their home country - is it racist to be concerned about one's freedom?

 

No, but its racist to assume a person's culture is related to their race.

 

What you are talking about actually has nothing to do with race and is 100% about culture. I know some Indian and Arab men who have a hard time dating for this reason. And they were born and raised in the U.S. But people just assume they "must" be from some oppressive society. That is racist indeed. Thanks for asking.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No, but its racist to assume a person's culture is related to their race.

 

What you are talking about actually has nothing to do with race and is 100% about culture. I know some Indian and Arab men who have a hard time dating for this reason. And they were born and raised in the U.S. But people just assume they "must" be from some oppressive society. That is racist indeed. Thanks for asking.

 

I would definitely have more trouble (personally, not taking into account the reactions/assumptions from my older family members) dating a man from a different culture than a different race.

 

For example: I watch a reality TV show called 90 Day Fiance. There is a young couple on there now and the man is from the Dominican Republic. The woman is also partly from a hispanic background so it isn't even necessarily a race difference, but the culture difference is HUGE. Nobody is right, no side is right, but just watching this couple makes it very eye-opening just how difficult cultural differences can be to overcome.

 

(Side note: I'm a white girl and I've had sex with two black men in my life. Both were men I ultimately did not want to be in relationship with for very valid reasons on my part; had nothing to do with race).

[basil67]

No, but its racist to assume a person's culture is related to their race.

 

What you are talking about actually has nothing to do with race and is 100% about culture. I know some Indian and Arab men who have a hard time dating for this reason. And they were born and raised in the U.S. But people just assume they "must" be from some oppressive society. That is racist indeed. Thanks for asking.

 

Please note that I did not say I wouldn't date them. I used words pertaining to being very cautious.

 

I would consider dating them. But part of the dating process would involve watching cautiously for his attitude and the attitude of his parents and friends. After all, the role modelling in our upbringing has a strong effect in shaping who we are and what we believe. Likewise, birds of a feather flock together. I would be on extremely high alert.

 

In the case of the company I worked for (which happened to be Japanese) is it racist for an expat Japanese women to avoid Japanese men after experiencing broad patriarchal attitudes first hand? In this case, we're talking personal experience rather than assumption.