Boymomma Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 I am a 34 year old divorced mother of two boys who I split custody with. I met this guy on okcupid about a month ago and we've been on 4 dates. We just slept together for the first time on this last date. We have talked every day since the day we met, sometimes for hours. He texts me goodnight every night with a little kissy emojicon. I basically told him initially that I was taking things one step at a time and looking to get to know a guy and see what happens. And honestly thats still how I feel. However, this guy said upfront that he is moving to a different state in less then 5 years so he isnt looking for anything serious. The problem comes in that I am super confused about what this guy actually wants. He is acting awfully "boyfriendy" and says things like he constantly thinks about me and how I am amazing. But I dont know if he has any actual feelings for me or if he is just trying to keep me buttered up to be in a friends with benefits situation. We do go on actual dates and we even talked about our kids meeting each other and playing together (his idea). He still checks the okcupid app ALOT so I have no clue if he is seeing other girls (we dont talk about it.) Not that I am trying to trap this guy into a comittment but I guess because I have feelings for him I am am little confused as to where things stand. Thoughts?
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 He made it clear he's not looking for a rship. He can act however "boyfriendy" he wants, but it's still FwB 1
Versacehottie Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I am a 34 year old divorced mother of two boys who I split custody with. I met this guy on okcupid about a month ago and we've been on 4 dates. We just slept together for the first time on this last date. We have talked every day since the day we met, sometimes for hours. He texts me goodnight every night with a little kissy emojicon. I basically told him initially that I was taking things one step at a time and looking to get to know a guy and see what happens. And honestly thats still how I feel. However, this guy said upfront that he is moving to a different state in less then 5 years so he isnt looking for anything serious. The problem comes in that I am super confused about what this guy actually wants. He is acting awfully "boyfriendy" and says things like he constantly thinks about me and how I am amazing. But I dont know if he has any actual feelings for me or if he is just trying to keep me buttered up to be in a friends with benefits situation. We do go on actual dates and we even talked about our kids meeting each other and playing together (his idea). He still checks the okcupid app ALOT so I have no clue if he is seeing other girls (we dont talk about it.) Not that I am trying to trap this guy into a comittment but I guess because I have feelings for him I am am little confused as to where things stand. Thoughts? oh gosh, I would be super careful. First of all, usually take guys at their word unless their behavior goes ABOVE AND BEYOND to prove you wrong and then he initiates a discussion to backtrack his initial statement. Here's why: *I've seen lots of guys who say what your guy said and MEAN it. However, they behave boyfriend-y in the casual dating. It's just the only or preferred way they like or know how to date. And one heck of an ego boost for them. A bit of manufacturing the romance. In other words, they want the 'girlfriend experience'. *That said, it could be that like some guys they say they "don't want anything serious" so as to ease into the relationship or not be over obligated or pressured. I mean moving in 5 years is a ways away and a lot of things can happen, including him falling for you and not wanting to leave. He also (as not fair as it may be) may not see you as someone he sees himself marrying, maybe because of the kids or some other factor. So while this is a possibility he may be getting serious, I think to protect yourself you should see it a 30-40% possibility and take his words as the 60-70% likelihood, i.e. don't pin your hopes. I'm gonna go old-school and say play hard to get or removed a bit, don't let your feelings get involved until he changes his tune and asks you to be his girlfriend. Good luck
Author Boymomma Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) So you think he is tricking me into staying in this weird fwb type thing by saying he actually does care about me and wants to make me happy? (Which is what he has said) And yes, he did initially say he didnt want anything serious, but that was in the very beginning. But yeah we dont have an "official" title or anything so I cant say I am his gf. But pn the other hand its only been a month. Edited July 30, 2017 by Boymomma 1
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) He could very well care for you and want to make you happy. That doesn't mean he wants to commit, though. It is not a trick because he has told you that. If you guys hit it off, I don't see 4?dates and sex as too soon to bring it up again your dating goals, just be aware his answer probably will not have changed(i.e. Moving, not looking for anything serious). If you're looking for a rship it is really inadvisable to date guys who say they are not looking for a rship or anything serious. Too many women (and men) thinkif they stick around they can change their mind. That's very rare. Edited July 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Author Boymomma Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 He might care about you. I cared about my old FWB...I just didn't want to be in a relationship with her. He already told you he doesn't want a relationship, and he has made no moves to commit to you. He isn't tricking you into anything, you are tricking yourself. Thats very true. Well then the answer to that is stop sleeping with him and see what happens. I am in no hurry to get into a relationship with him, but I also dont want to just be his hookup either. If it never honestly turns into anything then I will be okay because I am fine with being single.
Author Boymomma Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 He could very well care for you and want to make you happy. That doesn't mean he wants to commit, though. It is not a trick because he has told you that. If you guys hit it off, I don't see 4?dates and sex as too soon to bring it up again your dating goals, just be aware his answer probably will not have changed(i.e. Moving, not looking for anything serious). If you're looking for a rship it is really inadvisable to date guys who say they are not looking for a rship or anything serious. Too many women (and men) thinkif they stick around they can change their mind. That's very rare. So I did end up asking him about dating goals tonight. He basically said he really cares about me and likes me. He didnt say he didnt want a serious relationship. What he did say is that we should hold off on the sex and get to know each other better as people and go out on more dates. Kind of like a "restart" is how he put it. Ironically I wasnt looking for a relationship to start with, just wanted something casual amd fun. But this guy is pretty cool and we just really hit it off so I started to feel like I wanted something more with him. If it never turns into anything, so be it. 1
preraph Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 He seems to be dating you so if he mentions friends with benefits, just tell him no. But he is probably multi-dating, but that's okay early on, isn't it? Be sure and make him wear protection. I mean, why get a commitment from someone you don't even know yet. Just have fun and date him and if he decides he wants just friends with benefits, which would basically be not really dating and just hookups, then say no thanks. Uncommitted dating still isn't FWB. I mean, I'm sure some fwbs go do some things, but fwb is basically a way a guy gets to hook up with someone without them wanting commitment or dates. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 He seems to be dating you so if he mentions friends with benefits, just tell him no. But he is probably multi-dating, but that's okay early on, isn't it? Be sure and make him wear protection. I mean, why get a commitment from someone you don't even know yet. Just have fun and date him and if he decides he wants just friends with benefits, which would basically be not really dating and just hookups, then say no thanks. Uncommitted dating still isn't FWB. I mean, I'm sure some fwbs go do some things, but fwb is basically a way a guy gets to hook up with someone without them wanting commitment or dates. Very true, peraph! If you guys don't know each other and he is fine with dialing it back physically and getting to know each other why not. Good luck
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