SaranB Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 Hello my partner of six years and I recently broke up. At first I felt relief as it wasn't working and the arguments were terrible, its hard because I still love him but I can't see it ever working. However I am nearly 35 and the reality has set in, all I can think about is that I will be on my own now and probably never have kids. It's embarrassing to admit but I feel really frightened that I've ****ed up my life in a way by not cutting my losses sooner and having the strength to admit it wasn't working. I guess I was hoping to hear from people who may have been in a similar situation or have any words of advice.
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 I ended a dysfunctional 10+ year relationship around age 35. I didn't meet my husband until I was 39. I do not have kids & waited too long so that window closed. Right now you are raw from the break up. You need some time to heal & grieve. Don't skip this step. Take some time & process When you are ready go out & date again. If kids are important to, consider IVF with donor sperm or adoption. 1
Author SaranB Posted July 28, 2017 Author Posted July 28, 2017 Thanks for your reply you are clearly a very brave person for ending a 10+ year relationship, fair play to you. I'm really glad that you have found someone that is right for you. I can't imagine using donor sperm or IVF not that I have anything against it but I have heard a lot of horror stories plus its a very expensive road to go down. Adoption is another option but I guess it's just hard for me seeing a lot of my friends and family and think I might not have my own.
Zul Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 I was in a relationship with someone I thought was perfect for 5 years. Her and I had a terrible, toxic relationship. I was unhappy for 4/5 of the years and I knew it the entire time. I was too scared because I didn't want to be alone, and I was physically attracted to her, but emotionally she was a train wreck. Unfortunately when we broke up, the first few days I begged and pleaded and then I moved on fairly quickly. Robin Williams said it best with talking about how we all worry about being alone, but it's worse when we feel alone with someone else. That's exactly how I felt with her. I was holding on to something because I didn't want it to be over. Then once it ended I saw how much earlier it should have ended. I too am upset every day that I spent that much time with her, and shared so many special moments with someone I am not entirely sure I wanted to be with all along. The memories are wonderful from the good days, but in the end; she was just a toxic no good person for me. We all have regrets and I know how hard it is to accept that we have made these choices. You cut your losses and are moving on. You haven't messed anything up. Every sunset has another sunrise and that is what you are going through right now. You just need to realized that it is your DAWN not your DUSK. 2
JDPT Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 I was holding on to something because I didn't want it to be over. Then once it ended I saw how much earlier it should have ended. I too am upset every day that I spent that much time with her, and shared so many special moments with someone I am not entirely sure I wanted to be with all along. The memories are wonderful from the good days, but in the end; she was just a toxic no good person for me. This is exactly how I feel, thank you for this.
breadbin Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I'm not belittling your situation but you could meet your future husband tomorrow. Someone told me this quote before and i've believed in it even though I don't want to be alone. 'It's better to be on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard!" Don't be putting yourself under pressure to have kids now. You have plenty of time. Give yourself time to get over this relationship and who knows what the future holds?
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