NedFlanders Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 I girl I have been dating for six month, has made me the most happiest I have ever been I believe. We both have issues ie:suffer from severe depression, but hers is more extreme. She was raped when she was little, she has social axniety, OCD, she picks her skin causing scars. Anyway I cannot help it but I love her to death and she has told me when I am with her she is the most happiest she has ever been, Anyway just out of the blue with everything going perfect she tell me she cannot handle a relationship. I question this and think she is just scared. Her last 3 boyfriends were drug addicts and would beat her while I would never ever lay a finger on her, But the question we had not been talking but she texts me one night and says her computer is broke, and I tell her I will come over tomorrow not sure what time and fix it. But here is the thing I specifically tell her that if I do not hear back from her that I am going to assume she still needs it fixed and I will come over. I do not hear one word from her so I go over and she tells me thanks but she fixed it and thank you for coming by. Well about five hours later she texts me telling me I crossed the line for coming over, that she wants her key back, and that we are completely over with. Well to say the least I am devestated. How was it my falut, all she had to do was text and say no do not come over and I would have not.
basil67 Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 Technically you did nothing wrong. However, I think it would have been wiser to ask for a confirmation from her before going to her house. With any luck, her behaviour over this will give you some of the closure you need.
preraph Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 She doesn't sound very rational. You certainly have a right to be mad at her if that is in fact what went on. I have to ask though, why were you suspicious that you wouldn't hear back from her?
Author NedFlanders Posted July 28, 2017 Author Posted July 28, 2017 I was suspicious because you goes into shut down modes. If she is having a bad few days she may not even leave her bedroom. She has a 48 hr rule in that if we do not hear from her one of her friends will have to go check on her to make sure shei is okay. She has attempted suicide before. As for me, I do not want closure. I want her to snap out of this "mood" she is in and come back to reality. I love her with everything that is in me.
preraph Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 Maybe she's actually bipolar. Reason I said so is just the whole 48 hour thing. Different bipolars episodes last different times until they snap out of it or swing the other way. And they are often suicidal. Look, just be sure she's getting adequate psychiatric help. It's all you can do. She doesn't sound able to function well enough to make a steady life partner. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 I specifically tell her that if I do not hear back from her that I am going to assume she still needs it fixed and I will come over. I do not hear one word from her so I go over and she tells me thanks but she fixed it and thank you for coming by. Well about five hours later she texts me telling me I crossed the line for coming over, that she wants her key back, and that we are completely over with. Well to say the least I am devestated. How was it my falut, all she had to do was text and say no do not come over and I would have not. Again you speaking to her & confirming that she still wanted you to come over before going over there would have been better, even with her 48 hour suicide watch rule in place. Here's my Q though. Did you go over there & knock on the door or did you go over there & let yourself in with your key? If you let yourself in, you did cross a line. Since you were broken up because she could not handle a relationship, you should have knocked. Do return the key but try to get her to meet you to do it in person. Talk to her if you'd like to try to salvage the relationship. That said based upon the early trauma; the previous bad relationship choices; the ongoing battle with depression / suicide, etc. she had deep seated problems that you just can't love her through. She's not going to snap out of it. She needs long term psychiatric care. If she is not getting that, there may be no hope for you because she has too many demons. 2
Author NedFlanders Posted July 28, 2017 Author Posted July 28, 2017 Here's my Q though. Did you go over there & knock on the door or did you go over there & let yourself in with your key? If you let yourself in, you did cross a line. Since you were broken up because she could not handle a relationship, you should have knocked. No I did not knock, and that did really make her angry. The reason I did not was, because her room is all the way in back of the apartment and she would have never heard me even if I kicked the door down. Do return the key but try to get her to meet you to do it in person. Talk to her if you'd like to try to salvage the relationship. Yeah she asked for her key back but a mutual friend of ours suggested what you did and meet and do it in person. I want this so I can just discuss things with her. I love her to death and if a friend ship is all she can handle right now that so be it, and I really mean it. This girl has been through pure hell!!!!! Rape, beatings, broken bones from ex-boyfriends, and yet she still continues to be a fighter in life. She inspires me through the tough times I have, but I have not even had a chance to tell her this. I wrote her a seven page letter that had this in it, but she didnt read it, she just ripped it up and through it in the trash.
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 Once you broke up even though you still had the key you were no longer privileged to use it. If she agrees to meet start with an apology for barging in. Do NOT attempt to minimize what you did on the grounds that her room is in the back & she would not have heard you. You have a cell phone, don't you? You could have called or texted & said you were at the door. 1
basil67 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 No I did not knock, and that did really make her angry. The reason I did not was, because her room is all the way in back of the apartment and she would have never heard me even if I kicked the door down. If she can't hear you knock, then call her on the phone and ask her to let you in. If you have grave concerns for her mental health, call emergency services. But make no mistake - as she has asked for her key back, you crossed a serious line in letting yourself in. She is correct to be angry over this.
Author NedFlanders Posted July 29, 2017 Author Posted July 29, 2017 Once you broke up even though you still had the key you were no longer privileged to use it. If she agrees to meet start with an apology for barging in. Do NOT attempt to minimize what you did on the grounds that her room is in the back & she would not have heard you. You have a cell phone, don't you? You could have called or texted & said you were at the door. I would easily apologize I can see now why she was pissed. All the alternatives were valid, but they would have not worked. She never and I mean 90% of the time she does not like talking on the phone her excuse is she hates people.
basil67 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 I would easily apologize I can see now why she was pissed. All the alternatives were valid, but they would have not worked. She never and I mean 90% of the time she does not like talking on the phone her excuse is she hates people. If people want you to do them a favour, the very least they can do is answer the phone when you call about that favour. They don't answer the phone = they don't get the help they may want. Or in my husband's case, if you can't be bothered bringing your slow/broken computer to him, then you obviously don't need him to fix it.
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