Suyabae Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 So I met this guy on okc almost a month ago. (I'm 26 he's 34) He asked me out about 2 days after message exchanges and we've been texting constantly every day since then. We've gone out a Total of 3 times since then. One of which I initiated. Even the one I initiated hes the one that still ended up planing it.Our text convos are engaging. Seems like we are really getting to know each other but I'm not sure if he's bored or actually into me/looking for something real. He mentioned he's shy so it confuses me. Also he hasn't made any physical move on me. So far no kiss, barely and physical contact apart from hi-bye hugs. The other day I asked what he thinks about me and he said "you're fun, a good person and I enjoy talking to you".those are fine comments but I wish he included something like I'm beautiful or something to know he's attracted to me bc frankly I'm not sure. The most flirty thing he's said is that "you have a great smile ;)" he hasn't initiated a 4th date yet which is annoying. What's going on? I feel myself starting to fall for him bc I actually really like him and we are always talking but I don't want to bc I'm not sure what he's looking for. Is he into me or not? Should I just quietly slip away and forget we me or give it some time since it's only been a month? Or should I talk to him about how I wish we hung out more? So confused
preraph Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 If he asked you out, then I can't imagine he's not interested in you. Maybe he doesn't feel confident to make a move on you -- and certainly not everyone lavishes compliments on people. It's kind of contrived and corny usually. Don't get in a hurry. You don't know him really. Keep going out if he keeps asking as long as you're interested and get to know him. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) Girl, I would just forget him. If it wasn't his passiveness as far as showing romantic/sexual interest on the dates, it's his passiveness in asking you on dates that would make me pass. You've had 3 dates in over a month. He hasn't requested a fourth date. Even if he's shy, he knows he has the green light and would set up a date instead of just texting if he was that interested. Don't settle for a textlationship. Edited July 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author Suyabae Posted July 27, 2017 Author Posted July 27, 2017 Girl, I would just forget him. If it wasn't his passiveness as far as showing romantic/sexual interest on the dates, it's his passiveness in asking you on dates that would make me pass. You've had 3 dates in over a month. He's hasn't requested a fourth date. Even if he's shy, he knows he has the green light and would set up a date instead of just texting with you if he was that interested. Is 3 dates in a month bad? We mostly just hang out Over the weekend bc he works a lot during the week and I'm in school.all the time
Miss Spider Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) Maybe there are some very busy people who are dating but cannot make room for at least 1 day a week to see each other. Don't know any, but I am sure they exist. It just sounds like textlationship/e-tethering/lack of interest to me because you keep talking/have become close in text but he hasn't solidified your fourth meeting. Doesn't sound like a basket you should put all your eggs into. Did you initiate the second date or the last one Edited July 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
staggerlee71 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 I think three dates is perfect. I'm not shy but I like to take my time. no move on date three, for a really shy guy, or inexperienced guy, is real. especially if he likes you. he may be afraid to make a move and look foolish, in his head. shy means he cant read your signals. even though you think they are flares I say encourage him. initiate some text, poke around. challenge him a bit. take a little control if you can. it will be fun 2
smackie9 Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 If he only gets to see you 3 times over a month, then those dates would be intense if he truly was interested in you because he could get enough of you and misses you....he ain't that into you the way you want. I suggest you keep looking until you get what you want. this dude is a dud. 2
leogirl876 Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 In my opinion, people move way too fast physically today. So get to know him without kissing, making out and having sex. I've learned the hard way you can't build a relationship (if that's what you're looking for) when putting physical stuff first. If you're just looking for sex, then by all means. And no way can you be falling for him after 3 dates, that takes months. What you're feeling is attraction and infatuation. Slow down and get to know him and see what he brings to the table instead of giving your heart to him before he's earned it. Keep dating other people, you're not committed to him, and he's not committed to you. 1
Author Suyabae Posted July 28, 2017 Author Posted July 28, 2017 In my opinion, people move way too fast physically today. So get to know him without kissing, making out and having sex. I've learned the hard way you can't build a relationship (if that's what you're looking for) when putting physical stuff first. If you're just looking for sex, then by all means. And no way can you be falling for him after 3 dates, that takes months. What you're feeling is attraction and infatuation. Slow down and get to know him and see what he brings to the table instead of giving your heart to him before he's earned it. Keep dating other people, you're not committed to him, and he's not committed to you. Thanks for your advice. You think it would be too soon to ask what he's looking for or where he sees things going between us?
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 3 dates in a month is painfully slow IMO. I do not believe you can get to know someone through texting but since you are both young & you said he describes himself as shy I'm going to assume he doesn't have the social skills to do anything else. Because he has limited social skills he probably has no idea how to escalate the physical. It's not that he doesn't like you but he's clueless. You may have to take the lead here. At the very least you take his hand & you do things to make it easy for him to kiss you making it obvious that you want him to. If he still doesn't get it, you may have to plant one on him. When I was younger & unsure, I'd initiate a good night peck on the lips, then practically run into the house. Even the most clueless boy got the hint after that. I'm not saying you should give him a tonsillectomy or jump straight into bed but do be more of the aggressor. If by date 5-6, things are not going the way you want, then you should give up. 2
The411 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 So I met this guy on okc almost a month ago. (I'm 26 he's 34) He asked me out about 2 days after message exchanges and we've been texting constantly every day since then. We've gone out a Total of 3 times since then. One of which I initiated. Even the one I initiated hes the one that still ended up planing it.Our text convos are engaging. Seems like we are really getting to know each other but I'm not sure if he's bored or actually into me/looking for something real. He mentioned he's shy so it confuses me. Also he hasn't made any physical move on me. So far no kiss, barely and physical contact apart from hi-bye hugs. The other day I asked what he thinks about me and he said "you're fun, a good person and I enjoy talking to you".those are fine comments but I wish he included something like I'm beautiful or something to know he's attracted to me bc frankly I'm not sure. The most flirty thing he's said is that "you have a great smile ;)" he hasn't initiated a 4th date yet which is annoying. What's going on? I feel myself starting to fall for him bc I actually really like him and we are always talking but I don't want to bc I'm not sure what he's looking for. Is he into me or not? Should I just quietly slip away and forget we me or give it some time since it's only been a month? Or should I talk to him about how I wish we hung out more? So confused Well, either he's gay, terribly insecure, or has some sort of religious hang up about contact. Here's the skinny from the male perspective. If a guy is into you he's going to kiss you at latest on date two maaaaybe date three ( Most guys would consider that being too passive). Men will also be aggressive about escalating touch. Guys look for sex anywhere from the first date to the 5th (Again 4th 5th dates tend to be a bit passive to be getting sex but it again depends on the girl). As a man if I'm attracted to you I will make my interest known presuming that you as a woman are reciprocating and giving me the green light. A man will also press forward on a yellow light but will pull back a bit until he gets the green light. Of course with a red light we eject politely.
TheFinalWord Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 So I met this guy on okc almost a month ago. (I'm 26 he's 34) He asked me out about 2 days after message exchanges and we've been texting constantly every day since then. We've gone out a Total of 3 times since then. One of which I initiated. Even the one I initiated hes the one that still ended up planing it.Our text convos are engaging. Seems like we are really getting to know each other but I'm not sure if he's bored or actually into me/looking for something real. He mentioned he's shy so it confuses me. Also he hasn't made any physical move on me. So far no kiss, barely and physical contact apart from hi-bye hugs. The other day I asked what he thinks about me and he said "you're fun, a good person and I enjoy talking to you".those are fine comments but I wish he included something like I'm beautiful or something to know he's attracted to me bc frankly I'm not sure. The most flirty thing he's said is that "you have a great smile ;)" he hasn't initiated a 4th date yet which is annoying. What's going on? I feel myself starting to fall for him bc I actually really like him and we are always talking but I don't want to bc I'm not sure what he's looking for. Is he into me or not? Should I just quietly slip away and forget we me or give it some time since it's only been a month? Or should I talk to him about how I wish we hung out more? So confused Since you like him, I would try one last effort. Initiate another date, but make sure its in a romantic setting, like a candle lit dinner, picnic, something where it will be intimate. Try to kiss him, if the chemistry is there, you'll know with the kiss. I know you may want him to be the initiator, but he may just be shy or inexperienced. Up to you, but that's what I would recommend if you want some conclusion.
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