akshu08 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 I have been in a relationship with this girl since last 4 years. We both are from different religions and where I come from this is a big thing. So to be in a relationship or to marry her she would always tell me that I will have to convert. At first I said yes I will but later I denied saying I cannot convert. So our relationship went on and time passed so now when we finally came closer to marriage she put one more condition in front of me that I will have to sign an agreement that the children produced by this marriage would belong to her religion. This is where the problems started. I told the same thing to my parents and they simply denied saying it cannot happen. My parents are not too happy about me being with her citing the problems we might have to face in the future because of different religions. Our relationship went into a rough patch since then. Meanwhile another girl came into my life and she fell for me. Eventually I fell for her to. She is of the same religion that I am and no doubt she loves me. I haven't told my previous girlfriend about my new relationship. I am trying to run away from her but she won't let me. She keeps crying. And because of this I am also unable to let her go. Now I am totally confused what to do. At times I feel guilty for making her suffer and cry.. I feel guilty of breaking her heart. And I am unable to live with this. Being with my new girlfriend is correct in every sense. My parents would be very happy. But I am unable to let go the one I have been with since the last 4 years. Now I don't know what to do?
preraph Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Your culture is just very different. Where I'm from, if you can't stand up to your parents and make up your own mind, then you aren't mature enough to get married. Yes, religious differences can be a real problem if both of you are very religious. In the US where there is mostly religious freedom, it's not that big of a deal, but people may still fight over how their kids are raised. A friend of mine's husband said he wanted the kids to go to a certain church, but when it came down to it, unless she was the one to take them, he didn't want it bad enough to do it himself. He wasn't even going to church, so the whole thing was silly. If you feel you do not want this woman because of her religion and would rather keep peace with your parents and your religion, then she is better off with someone else anyway. But you need to break up with her before you get so involved with this new one.
Maldives Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 Ure gonna have to just cut it dude and be cruel to be kind just like the song. Try not to feel guilty. My experience with woman if it was reversed she wouldn't care and would probably rub it in your face they're no angels. Let her go and let her deal with it
SevenCity Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 Ure gonna have to just cut it dude and be cruel to be kind just like the song. Try not to feel guilty. My experience with woman if it was reversed she wouldn't care and would probably rub it in your face they're no angels. Let her go and let her deal with it I agree with this. If the roles were reversed she would sleep quite well despite smashing your heart into a million pieces, burning it, then salting the earth so nothing grows ever again. It's rareer when guys end things - we often have a hard time not being empathetic.
jonathanhayashi Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 akshu08, that is a huge dilemma that many people face. Religion is a huge deal as it encompasses every aspect of one’s life of value, worldview, decision, choices….. etc I know in the scripture it even says, “do not be unequally yoked” (2 Cor. 6:14) and part of the reason I think it’s there because they knew how much conflict and strife it causes if one were to be in such relationship! I just counsel a couple through this and both loved each other very much, but at the end of the day it didn’t work out. I would say go with the later one. I know it is easier said than done and I’m only over the screen on the other side of this, but trust me, it will save you from a lot of strife and heartache. We are rationally thinking through this for the future of children and the family. “Emotions are great indicator but never should be our dictator” I know it is difficult, but I believe your parents will say the same thing as well. Praying for discernment and wisdom as you make your choice.
salparadise Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 I agree with this. If the roles were reversed she would sleep quite well despite smashing your heart into a million pieces, burning it, then salting the earth so nothing grows ever again. It's rareer when guys end things - we often have a hard time not being empathetic. True. Not only this, but she made demands that you couldn't agree to. Were not for that you would've been with her and probably never met the more compatible woman. You said that you and the new girlfriend are in love with each other... if this is the case then you need to let the other one go. You can do so with kindness, but you can't jeopardize your future with the new girl to spare the feelings of the previous one. It was because of her demand that it began to unravel, so the burden is not entirely yours. There are times when you just have to turn the page.
JuneL Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 If your ex-gf is so adamant about raising her kids with her religion, then she should find a guy from her own religion, period. Honestly, even then, there is no guarantee the kids won't change their beliefs when they grow up.
TheWoman Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 You are cheating on your girlfriend of fours years with someone else and are too frightened to tell her it's over? Well perhaps if you consider the fact that she (and everyone else alive) deserves better than that it, might help you to be honest with her. Because she will be much better off without you. Although of course you could just continue to cheat, lie, kowtow to you parents views and be cowardly. There are plenty of people (men & women) in the world who behave like that and the rest of us who behave decently just have to hope we do not encounter them. It's your character and reputation at stake.
elaine567 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 I guess your original gf is a Muslim and so I am flabbergasted that you were not aware of what marriage to her would entail. Of course you would need to convert and of course any children of the marriage would need to be brought up Muslim, that is not negotiable. Islam is not a religion to be taken lightly. Islam is a complete way of life. She was risking a lot to even think of marrying you, not all Musljms will accept Muslim women marrying non Muslims and the consequences can be dire for the whole family, ostracisation and violence, and I am not talking about in deepest Pakistan or in the Middle East either... Now not only have you broken her heart, you are cheating on her too... Tell her it is over ASAP.
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