Mjm1014 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 This is part two to my previous question and wanted to hear your thoughts and if I handled this right. I've been going out with my gf for four months and for the past two weeks I noticed that she's been very distant with me, acts annoyed when I'm around. A few days ago I asked her if everything was okay and she said she wasn't sure and wanted to take a few days off from talking...I gave her her wish and received a text from her this morning basically saying she "loves me" but isn't sure if she's "in love" and truly cares about me but isn't sure if she sees a future with me. She said she is hurting deep down, has been crying everyday because she doesn't want to lose me, but realizes I deserve better treatment and she can't help acting snappy around me. She says she is praying and trying to work on herself but says she just is unsure about things. Basically I sent a text back saying "good luck" and that I'm done because I want to find someone that truly wants to be with me and I never heard back from her. Part of me says I should continue to see her to see if we can work on things, because we really did have a great relationship-never fought, and she's amazing. I've been so hurt and upset though-this is out of the blue for her to do this. Weird thing is, she was the first one to tell me she "loves me" about two weeks ago, and that's the same time she started to go cold. Should I move on or is this not even worth my time? This could also be just an excuse on her end to end things if someone else is in the picture (doubt it though)
Zahara Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Part of me says I should continue to see her to see if we can work on things, because we really did have a great relationship-never fought, and she's amazing. I've been so hurt and upset though-this is out of the blue for her to do this. She's telling you that she does not see a future with you. When someone tells you that they can't see themselves with you, accept and move on. You're in denial and trying to bargain your way through this. Don't do it. "Never fought and she's amazing" does not a great relationship make nor is it enough. You can't have a relationship with someone that does not want to have one with you. Weird thing is, she was the first one to tell me she "loves me" about two weeks ago, and that's the same time she started to go cold. That does not matter anymore. Focus on what's being presented to you which is more of the truth than what was said two weeks ago. Should I move on or is this not even worth my time? This could also be just an excuse on her end to end things if someone else is in the picture (doubt it though) Yes, you move on. You do not have any other choice. 4
Imajerk17 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) This is part two to my previous question and wanted to hear your thoughts and if I handled this right. I've been going out with my gf for four months and for the past two weeks I noticed that she's been very distant with me, acts annoyed when I'm around. A few days ago I asked her if everything was okay and she said she wasn't sure and wanted to take a few days off from talking...I gave her her wish and received a text from her this morning basically saying she "loves me" but isn't sure if she's "in love" and truly cares about me but isn't sure if she sees a future with me. She said she is hurting deep down, has been crying everyday because she doesn't want to lose me, but realizes I deserve better treatment and she can't help acting snappy around me. She says she is praying and trying to work on herself but says she just is unsure about things. Basically I sent a text back saying "good luck" and that I'm done because I want to find someone that truly wants to be with me and I never heard back from her. Part of me says I should continue to see her to see if we can work on things, because we really did have a great relationship-never fought, and she's amazing. I've been so hurt and upset though-this is out of the blue for her to do this. Weird thing is, she was the first one to tell me she "loves me" about two weeks ago, and that's the same time she started to go cold. Should I move on or is this not even worth my time? This could also be just an excuse on her end to end things if someone else is in the picture (doubt it though) That (the bolded) is the right attitude. You showed self-respect. Why would you expect any less than this in a relationship. What is there to 'work on' anyway? Her distant snappy behaviour towards you? That's on HER not you. Whether there is someone else in the picture or whether she really needs to "work on herself" (whatever THAT means), she has shown unwilling to do her part in a relationship with you. You have to move on. Edited July 27, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
Robratory Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Basically I sent a text back saying "good luck" and that I'm done because I want to find someone that truly wants to be with me and I never heard back from her. Part of me says I should continue to see her to see if we can work on things, because we really did have a great relationship-never fought, and she's amazing. You did well. Now tell that part of you to shut up and go sit in the corner. Never, ever put up with BS like this. Develop zero tolerance for it. The girl starts going wobbly? Cut her loose. Nobody, man or woman, is worth the drama. 3
Bastile Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 You did the right thing. She might reach out again, but not a good idea to go backwards. Exclusivity is a big deal - especially early on. You give it to someone to throw it in your face in just a few months, then it's a complete let-down. She can't be a girlfriend again. Too unstable. And if you've developed feels, sex is out the question. Leaving nothing else but moving forwards. All the best.
guest569 Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 That is odd. You did the right thing.. it sucks but you handled it well. Stay strong.
soyou Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 I'm a woman. I've been in your gf's shoes a number of times in the past. So let me explain to you what is going on inside her head and what you need to do. After 3 month honeymoon period, she realises that you're NOT the person she's looking for. She likes you but she doesnt see any future with. She's sad. She wants to make it work with you but unfortunately she cannot change her heart. By her telling that, it means she indirectly wants a break-up. If you insist to stay, you will be her back-up option. If I were you, I would just leave. Dont stay! Why should you stay with somebody who doesnt see a future with you? Just leave, cut contact, and move on. 4 months are not that long yet. Cut it off and move on! 1
filani Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 @ mjm1014 Never ever root through the garbage ! Iron Rule of Tomassi #7 It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was. - Rollo Tomassi https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
kendahke Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 This is part two to my previous question and wanted to hear your thoughts and if I handled this right. I've been going out with my gf for four months and for the past two weeks I noticed that she's been very distant with me, acts annoyed when I'm around. A few days ago I asked her if everything was okay and she said she wasn't sure and wanted to take a few days off from talking...I gave her her wish and received a text from her this morning basically saying she "loves me" but isn't sure if she's "in love" and truly cares about me but isn't sure if she sees a future with me. She said she is hurting deep down, has been crying everyday because she doesn't want to lose me, but realizes I deserve better treatment and she can't help acting snappy around me. She says she is praying and trying to work on herself but says she just is unsure about things. Basically I sent a text back saying "good luck" and that I'm done because I want to find someone that truly wants to be with me and I never heard back from her. Part of me says I should continue to see her to see if we can work on things, because we really did have a great relationship-never fought, and she's amazing. I've been so hurt and upset though-this is out of the blue for her to do this. Weird thing is, she was the first one to tell me she "loves me" about two weeks ago, and that's the same time she started to go cold. Should I move on or is this not even worth my time? This could also be just an excuse on her end to end things if someone else is in the picture (doubt it though) Do you want a relationship with a snapping chick who is 70% present with you and isn't interested in picking up the slack on that 30%? Or do you want a relationship with a woman who is 100% present with you and has no doubt about how she feels about you? There is nothing to work on if she's willing to let you go, but wants you around as someone to fall back on. She's inviting you into limbo land and you have to figure out how much of your youth you want to squander waiting on something that may never happen. This ball isn't in your court--it's in hers and she's cool with letting it lay on the ground indefinitely in the hopes you'll hop the net and hit it back to yourself as she watches you scramble back over the net to hit it to her so she can watch it drop again. 1
anthonywatts Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 This is part two to my previous question and wanted to hear your thoughts and if I handled this right. I've been going out with my gf for four months and for the past two weeks I noticed that she's been very distant with me, acts annoyed when I'm around. A few days ago I asked her if everything was okay and she said she wasn't sure and wanted to take a few days off from talking...I gave her her wish and received a text from her this morning basically saying she "loves me" but isn't sure if she's "in love" and truly cares about me but isn't sure if she sees a future with me. She said she is hurting deep down, has been crying everyday because she doesn't want to lose me, but realizes I deserve better treatment and she can't help acting snappy around me. She says she is praying and trying to work on herself but says she just is unsure about things. Basically I sent a text back saying "good luck" and that I'm done because I want to find someone that truly wants to be with me and I never heard back from her. Part of me says I should continue to see her to see if we can work on things, because we really did have a great relationship-never fought, and she's amazing. I've been so hurt and upset though-this is out of the blue for her to do this. Weird thing is, she was the first one to tell me she "loves me" about two weeks ago, and that's the same time she started to go cold. Should I move on or is this not even worth my time? This could also be just an excuse on her end to end things if someone else is in the picture (doubt it though) It sounds like a passive aggressive breakup text. Read my 'are you very good looking' post. If you rank highly on the physical attractiveness scale, you will find it relatively easy to find a new girlfriend or even multiple girlfriends. If you are lower in the physical attractiveness it may be a struggle. No one posts photos on this forum so we have no idea. You know first and foremost how successful you have been and will be in attracting beautiful women.
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 28, 2017 Author Posted July 28, 2017 Thanks for the responses! I appreciate the help and opinions..basically I ended up getting one more text (she can't even pick up the phone) to tell me how amazing I am, she just is unsure about a future...I basically just said good luck and left it at that. No need to respond to this thread at this point-it's a done deal..I'm moving on to find someone that truly wants to be with me and cutting my losses at 4 months (thank god it wasn't longer). Cheers and have a good weekend!
Miss Spider Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 Thanks for the responses! I appreciate the help and opinions..basically I ended up getting one more text (she can't even pick up the phone) to tell me how amazing I am, she just is unsure about a future...I basically just said good luck and left it at that. No need to respond to this thread at this point-it's a done deal..I'm moving on to find someone that truly wants to be with me and cutting my losses at 4 months (thank god it wasn't longer). Cheers and have a good weekend! Sorry to hear it didn't work out but you seem like a great guy and should find someone a much better fit who will appreciate you in no time. Best of luck and have a great weekend yourself !!
jonathanhayashi Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 Relationships are complicating aren’t they? I'm glad you’re asking the right questions cause at the end of the day, the question is, "is it worth my investment in this relationship?” isn’t it? It seems like to me (i’m not sure as I don’t know both of you personally and sometimes communication can even be very hard in the midst of actual conversational relationship with one another) but she is saying that she doesn’t see that the relationship will work in the future. I'm sure there may be insecurity as well of why people end relationship and not wanting to hurt the other party, but bottom line is that she does have attraction for you but doesn’t seem to make in her mind if it will work or not. So going back to your original question, “Should I move on or is this not even worth my time?” My answer is, “Yes, you should” Praying for that hard conversation you will have with her.
act00 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 This is precisely why saying the L-word is not a good idea this early in a relationship. She genuinely felt like she was in love with you, and then the honeymoon phase wears off, and she realizes, she's not. You're not "it." Part of her snappish behavior is the fact that there's something about you that isn't working for her. She feels horrible for it. I'm sure she really wishes it would work out, but we all know the ending to that story. You're right to let go, even though it hurts.
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 Best to move on yes.....whatever her reasoning is no longer your concern....get out, enjoy the summer and those girlies in their bikinis!
mortensorchid Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 Just move on. She is being irrational with you. Whatever the trouble is within her is something that has nothing to do with you and cannot be fixed by you. It's done.
healing light Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 She likes who you are as a person but isn't in love with you. And can't make herself fall in love with you. Let this be. When people are in love, they aren't snappy and annoyed with your presence, *especially* in the beginning. They can't get enough of you. 1
coolheadal Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 This is part two to my previous question and wanted to hear your thoughts and if I handled this right. I've been going out with my gf for four months and for the past two weeks I noticed that she's been very distant with me, acts annoyed when I'm around. A few days ago I asked her if everything was okay and she said she wasn't sure and wanted to take a few days off from talking...I gave her her wish and received a text from her this morning basically saying she "loves me" but isn't sure if she's "in love" and truly cares about me but isn't sure if she sees a future with me. She said she is hurting deep down, has been crying everyday because she doesn't want to lose me, but realizes I deserve better treatment and she can't help acting snappy around me. She says she is praying and trying to work on herself but says she just is unsure about things. Basically I sent a text back saying "good luck" and that I'm done because I want to find someone that truly wants to be with me and I never heard back from her. Part of me says I should continue to see her to see if we can work on things, because we really did have a great relationship-never fought, and she's amazing. I've been so hurt and upset though-this is out of the blue for her to do this. Weird thing is, she was the first one to tell me she "loves me" about two weeks ago, and that's the same time she started to go cold. Should I move on or is this not even worth my time? This could also be just an excuse on her end to end things if someone else is in the picture (doubt it though) She's a complete utter mess, another basket case. Why you as another man would settle for this BS. Come on now really you need to grow some get the heck away from women that pull this crap on us men. I've heard this before. They're not ready for any relationship or don't know how to cope yet. You pushing it and she's telling you in a nice way to back-off. To love someone one must be able to love themselves. This girl can't do either. You have wasted so much time on her. You need to move and find a woman that appreciates you as the man you are today!
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