She Didn't Mention Boyfriend :-/

[anna121]

I find most of the things you mentioned as indicating interest to be too subjective to evaluate properly.

 

She could be perfectly happy with her BF and just like to meet new people, including men. She could enjoy flirting, or (gasp!) male attention. I mean, it was LITERALLY just talking.

 

Also, if you didn't mention your own relationship status, there is no way to know whether she thought were you were a single guy on the prowl, or a connected guy who just likes to talk. I, for one, never assume the men I meet are single.

[SevenCity]

Or......maybe she just wanted to have a conversation?

 

Yes, or the other options listed.

 

The only way to know for sure is to ask her out.

 

Here's the thing with women - many good looking women are not friendly unless they like the guy. We've all read signals incorrectly at some point. I've found if you ask them out you tend to know if it was friendliness or attraction.

 

Many of the women here are jumping to the conclusion she had no interest. You dont know.

 

I dated a girl who complained about guys thinking she was interested because she was friendly. I said "Hey, are you just being friendly with me???" Which was funny because we already had sex several times

[anthonywatts]

Wow, I didn't expect so many responses in such a short period of time! Anyway, thanks to everyone for replying.

 

I'll keep you posted with any updates. I'll add a bit of detail to clarify things when I have time to post in more detail.

[Steve51]

I dated a woman who was married. No wedding band or even a hint of one on her finger. Never mentioned a husband and I know there was a lot of chemistry and sexual desire between us because she kept on wanting me to meet her in a motel. When I accidently discovered that she was married, I called it off but she stalked me to the point that I move out of State to get away from her.

 

What was strange is that I did not like her as a person, her body showed that she had two kids but when I was near her, I could not resist her. Must be Pheromones. Hey, I met my wife and was engaged to her three weeks later. After 45 years of marriage, I still get excited when I smell her.

 

In your case, if there is no ring on it, hit it. Boy and girlfriends come and go. In fact, the time before you get engaged is to be spent finding someone you want to spend your life with. It is when you can leave a relationship without lawyers and cost. Just step out the door and it is over, a luxury you do not have later on. If she wants you, let her make a choice. I never dated someone who had another boyfriend. Too alpha to share.

[smackie9]

There is a possibility she is single....or ready to be single, investigate further, because right now all you are doing is speculating. Ask her out on a date and see what her response is.

[anthonywatts]

There is a possibility she is single....or ready to be single, investigate further, because right now all you are doing is speculating. Ask her out on a date and see what her response is.

 

True, I have no idea what her relationship status is, just speculation on my part. Her current or ex doesn't show in her instagram photos for a couple of months. It's just that she hasn't posted a lot of photos in that time so it seems like their relationship is very recent or current at first glance.

[Robratory]

I guess her interpretation of meeting people and your interpretation of meeting people did not match up.

She was talking about meeting people socially . . .

DO NOT pursue.

 

I agree with the do not pursue, but she should have known better. She should have mentioned the boyfriend. That's because men don't approach women alone just to be friends. If a man approaches you at a social function, he's interested in you. The least the woman can do is make her unavailability clear, and all she needs to do is insert "my boyfriend and I whatever-whatever."

[smackie9]

True, I have no idea what her relationship status is, just speculation on my part. Her current or ex doesn't show in her instagram photos for a couple of months. It's just that she hasn't posted a lot of photos in that time so it seems like their relationship is very recent or current at first glance.

Stop being so beta and ask her out!

[SevenCity]

Stop being so beta and ask her out!

 

Totally.

 

For all the women here claiming she had only platonic interest, what exactly is the downside to asking her out?

 

Last I checked you could not get arrested, lose your citizenship, or be chastised by your peers (sans the LS crowd) if you ask out a girl - bf or not.

 

Has something changed with the current laws of which men should be made aware?

[Imajerk17]

True, I have no idea what her relationship status is, just speculation on my part. Her current or ex doesn't show in her instagram photos for a couple of months. It's just that she hasn't posted a lot of photos in that time so it seems like their relationship is very recent or current at first glance.

 

A few months is a good length of time. It's quite the possibility then that she is single in this case, and was dropping hints all along that she'd be interested.

 

Exhibit # 4954373 how social media can confuse things--people not properly updating leaving information that is now outdated/incorrect.

 

I think you should ask her out.

Edited July 28, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Eternal Sunshine]

She may be in a LDR because she had to move to a new city for work.

 

This is why I attend women only meet-ups now that I'm taking a break from dating. All men seem to think that saying hi means you are down to f....

[Blanco]

I feel like some of you are being harsh on the OP. I'm a guy, but definitely on the "women can't be nice without a guy thinking she wants the D" wavelength, and even I think some of her comments were ripe for misinterpretation.

 

It still doesn't mean she owes the OP anything or outright deceived him, but I think she could have been a little more clear with some of these comments. For instance, she could have said it's tough to make new friends rather than say she's lonely and is finding it tough to meet people.

 

For what it's worth, I think she is either obtuse or was at the very least putting a feeler out there. Doesn't mean she would have acted on it, but I've been in a situation where a woman has a boyfriend or husband and I sure felt like she was at least exhibiting some poor boundaries.

 

Regardless, I probably wouldn't be thrilled to know my girlfriend was out there talking to strange men about how lonely she is.

[coolheadal]

I went to a social event at an art gallery and it was an excellent event for the most part. There were quite a few single women apparently. Good food, good wine, etc.

 

One gal caught my eye immediately. She seemed to be alone, whereas the other gals were with friends in mixed groups or with girlfriends. Very pretty also.

 

The one thing I noticed is that she stared at me wide eyed non stop for the entirety of the time we talked, and we talked for quite some time alone together (well over half an hour, maybe quite a bit longer actually). She's been in town for a year. She kept mentioning how difficult it was to meet people. She strongly implied she was very lonely and said she didn't know where or how to meet people. I got the distinct impression she was single.

 

An acquaintance interrupted, then a second, then a third and a fourth, etc. I didn't get her contact info.

 

I checked through the facebook rsvp's and found her there. I also found her on instagram. She has many photos of her and her boyfriend. She says point blank she is in love with him. These photos of her with boyfriend date back....a year!

 

Maybe I should've asked in retrospect but I thought she made it clear (not in so many words) that she was single and looking for a relationship. But online she gives the complete opposite impression: she is taken and couldn't be happier.

 

Now I don't know if I should pursue this or not. I got the impression of strong sexual interest, and she repeatedly said she was looking to meet someone so even though it's our first meeting and she didn't lie per se, I still feel a little deceived and perhaps a bit silly spending most of my time there with her exclusively.

 

She's not engaged, she's not married, but she has a boyfriend. What you is her and she might want you as well. These women seek out other men because they're lacking emotion they're not getting from their current relationship. You on the other hand now fallen for this woman. You can stick it out and she might drop the current boyfriend for you. Or she might keep spinning her web of lies on you still. This type of woman you can't even trust her because she'll continue to be such a cheat on you and then the next guy that replaces you. I would pass!

[guy45]

To me it just sounds like she was happy to talk to someone.

[Eternal Sunshine]

If they're attractive and socially adept, there's a boyfriend... unless by some chance you happened to encounter her during a twelve hour respite from dating after an argument... or he's on vacation with his family or whatever.

 

So the question then, is she still enthralled or ready to trade for something more colorful. Or perhaps she's not sure about trading but definitely wants a test drive.

 

Thirty minutes of continuously sustained, wide-eyed eye contact, along with bemoaning lack of social opportunity, tells you she's interested in something. If not you then it will be the next guy, so it might as well be you!

 

Sustained, direct eye contact is the clearest signal she could send. Timing is everything. You might have missed this one... bf may be coming home tomorrow. You should be messaging her instead of posting on LS.

 

Eh, maybe if you equate "socially adept" with "extroverted, bossy and bubbly".

 

Many women on this site have openly written about their struggles with finding a relationship and simply dismissing them as "not attractive" and/or "socially inept" is a bit of a big call and a projection of your own bitterness.

 

If someone is able to maintain multiple long and close friendships for many years and is a working, functioning member of society, I would see that as evidence of them being "socially adept". You may not like their personality but that's a different story. Maybe you should ask yourself why you only go for women who don't last 12 hours between boyfriends.

[anthonywatts]

There seems to be a pattern of very hostile responses from the women (I assume they are women) on this site. Maybe it's just this thread, hm.

 

Isn't the purpose of a dating forum to help each other? It seems like so much energy is invested in cutting each other down rather than mutual support and advice.

 

Anyway good luck to everyone with a happy love live and life in general!

 

If you are not going out on a date or two (or three) this weekend, go out for a night out on the town!

[anthonywatts]

Totally.

 

For all the women here claiming she had only platonic interest, what exactly is the downside to asking her out?

 

Last I checked you could not get arrested, lose your citizenship, or be chastised by your peers (sans the LS crowd) if you ask out a girl - bf or not.

 

Has something changed with the current laws of which men should be made aware?

 

She raises a lot of red flags. I won't go into any more detail as I've given plenty already and going into more detail could lead to us both being ID'ed.

[Miss Spider]

. She kept mentioning how difficult it was to meet people. She strongly implied she was very lonely and said she didn't know where or how to meet people.

 

 

So she didn't even use the words "I'm very lonely" You just came to that conclusion because she says she doesn't know many people or how to meet them.

 

 

This thread is a good reason I generally avoid talking to men in a friendly manner. It's sad, but I learned you just can't. It's a good thing I've always preferred to keep female friends only anyway.

 

There was this one guy last year I met through a mutual friend. I was always friendly with him and he seemed nice. He said he understood moving to a new place and having trouble making new friends. After a while, he asked me out. Having 0 interest, I politely explained I'm not looking for a relationship bc I just got out of one.

 

On my life this dude had the nerve to say something along the lines of "if you don't want to date you should probably tone down the flirtiness"

 

I said what??? How?? He said "idk giggling at my jokes , playing with your hair" blah blah

 

All things I do when talking to ALL people. Male/female, young/old. Also, I was taught to look people in the eye when talking to them.

 

This woman just made the mistake was just of having a conversation with a man at social event. She's probably new in the area, having trouble meeting people, and hasn't realized that men are more likely to talk to you, but not for the reasons you had in mind. Now she has someone searching for her through rsvps, stalking her on multiple social media platforms, and a 3 pg thread on a message board about whether or not she has a BF. This part of why I keep all my SM on lockdown.

[anthonywatts]

cookiesanddough, you seem like a very angry person. Ask yourself this simple question: why?

[Miss Spider]

I'm not angry and I don't think my post should have come off that way. Sorry you got that impression. But you seem to have a tendency to misread things

[SevenCity]

She raises a lot of red flags. I won't go into any more detail as I've given plenty already and going into more detail could lead to us both being ID'ed.

 

Good you identified that and sounds like you have other options so you don't have to worry about her.

 

That's the importance of having multiple options - you have choice.

[anthonywatts]

Good you identified that and sounds like you have other options so you don't have to worry about her.

 

That's the importance of having multiple options - you have choice.

 

True, and the path to multiple options is rather simple:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631136-you-very-good-looking

 

Sadly, (if understandably) no one posts photos on this site. If they did, very few questions would have to be answered. There is so much speculation taking place in this forum.

 

Ultimately it boils down to whether or not you are highly attractive physically.

[Miss Spider]

I just gave my experience regarding this situation and ones like it. Reporting someone who has an alternate viewpoint than your own as spamming/trolling is often not too effective. . You'd be better off just blocking if their posts offend you. Also, jmo but shouldn't be so soft when asking advice from strangers online.

[Bastile]

Sir, focus on pragmatism.

 

You are making glaring mistakes here.

 

- You didn't escalate, therefore you don't know where you stand. Leading to trying to decipher signals.

- You are getting dragged much too deep - too soon.

- You seem to have unrealistic expectations of how approaching women goes. Most women give a boyfriend rejection after you show real interest. That is typically I have said that I want to take them out and asked for the number (neither of which you did).

 

It was just one short conversation that you had with a woman whilst out and about. No real depth or meat to the actual situation at all, other than what you are projecting on to it.

 

Hence, the situation tells me more about you - than her. Useful in so much as improving your own behaviours, which is what I would recommend.

 

 

Sadly, (if understandably) no one posts photos on this site. If they did, very few questions would have to be answered. There is so much speculation taking place in this forum.

 

Ultimately it boils down to whether or not you are highly attractive physically.

 

No, it doesn't. Game > looks > money (in that order).

 

And I have had my picture as my avatar on here. Only reason for taking it down is that I haven't been the best behaved in dating, and wouldn't want my dear old mum (or any sort of family member) perhaps happening across it.

 

Anonymity has it's uses.

Edited July 28, 2017 by Bastile

[JuneL]

Being highly attractive in your looks has a lot of initial advantage, especially online, in that you get lots of initial attention. But I doubt a highly good looking guy has any advantage over a decent looking or even just an average looking guy in terms of finding a more meaningful relationship. I won't say that I'll stay away from a super good looking guys (because 2 of my 3 boyfriends are very good looking, in my eyes anyway ; they don't really care much about their looks though), but I'll definitely stay away from someone who has a hangup about his looks.