She Didn't Mention Boyfriend :-/

July 27, 2017

I went to a social event at an art gallery and it was an excellent event for the most part. There were quite a few single women apparently. Good food, good wine, etc.

One gal caught my eye immediately. She seemed to be alone, whereas the other gals were with friends in mixed groups or with girlfriends. Very pretty also.

The one thing I noticed is that she stared at me wide eyed non stop for the entirety of the time we talked, and we talked for quite some time alone together (well over half an hour, maybe quite a bit longer actually). She's been in town for a year. She kept mentioning how difficult it was to meet people. She strongly implied she was very lonely and said she didn't know where or how to meet people. I got the distinct impression she was single.

An acquaintance interrupted, then a second, then a third and a fourth, etc. I didn't get her contact info.

I checked through the facebook rsvp's and found her there. I also found her on instagram. She has many photos of her and her boyfriend. She says point blank she is in love with him. These photos of her with boyfriend date back....a year!

Maybe I should've asked in retrospect but I thought she made it clear (not in so many words) that she was single and looking for a relationship. But online she gives the complete opposite impression: she is taken and couldn't be happier.

Now I don't know if I should pursue this or not. I got the impression of strong sexual interest, and she repeatedly said she was looking to meet someone so even though it's our first meeting and she didn't lie per se, I still feel a little deceived and perhaps a bit silly spending most of my time there with her exclusively.

July 27, 2017

She was trying to add you as her orbiter! Reasons vary from her being insecure, cheater, to make her bf jealous etc etc.

Let go.

July 27, 2017

If they're attractive and socially adept, there's a boyfriend... unless by some chance you happened to encounter her during a twelve hour respite from dating after an argument... or he's on vacation with his family or whatever.

So the question then, is she still enthralled or ready to trade for something more colorful. Or perhaps she's not sure about trading but definitely wants a test drive.

Thirty minutes of continuously sustained, wide-eyed eye contact, along with bemoaning lack of social opportunity, tells you she's interested in something. If not you then it will be the next guy, so it might as well be you!

Sustained, direct eye contact is the clearest signal she could send. Timing is everything. You might have missed this one... bf may be coming home tomorrow. You should be messaging her instead of posting on LS.

July 27, 2017

I guess her interpretation of meeting people and your interpretation of meeting people did not match up.

She was talking about meeting people socially, I guess she is lonely as she had no-one to go to the gallery with. Her bf may work away or is not interested in art or she is finding it difficult to meet like-minded people for friendship. Her loneliness was not in a romantic sense but in a social sense.

YOU on the other hand homed in to the lone female as you thought she was vulnerable and would give you a chance "romantically"...

Attached and looking for friendly faces vs single and looking for women.

Crossed wires.

DO NOT pursue.

July 27, 2017

Just sounds like she wants more friends. Not necessarily interested in you in a sexual way. It's kind of sad that a girl can't be friendly and want a guy to be friends with without him thinking she wants to date him.

July 27, 2017

Now I don't know if I should pursue this or not. I got the impression of strong sexual interest, and she repeatedly said she was looking to meet someone so even though it's our first meeting and she didn't lie per se, I still feel a little deceived and perhaps a bit silly spending most of my time there with her exclusively.

There's nothing to pursue here except friendship with this one... Next time, try to find out sooner if the girl is in a relationship. Like ask her if her boyfriend is also into art, or if he came along with her. (And hopefully she'll say she doesn't have a boyfriend)

July 27, 2017

Few people post about their bad relationships with their spouses or SO's, at least not publicly. This relationship she has may not be working out. He doesn't like going out with her or is not interested in her interests, and this boyfriend could be fading out of her life (lonely for a year?). That's not to say it's okay to cheat or seek a replacement, if that was the intent, but it's possible she is open to a new guy...obviously you don't want to be that guy.

Maybe she just wants to meet people platonically, but you were seeking something romantic, so you were just not on the same page. You went to this event thinking about meeting a single woman you can date; she went to meet people who could be friends to hang out with.

It's not worth pursuing.

July 27, 2017

This looks like the old difference between attention and attraction to me. The woman gave the OP her attention, which the OP interpreted as something else. It's easy to misinterpret, and individual (extrovert vs. introvert) and cultural differences can play into this as well.

What the OP saw as interest came largely from his own observation ("wide-eyed"), but it seems that the woman was looking to extend her social circle. She also did not make any effort to give the OP her contact information.

Sounds like a chat at a social event to me, and really nothing more.

July 27, 2017

When you say the photos date back a year, do you mean the latest was from a year ago, or the photos are all in the past year? If they're old, then he may be an ex-bf, and the reason she moved to this location. If they're new, then she may still want friends in your area, but she wasn't honest about that - or maybe, she wants to dump that bf and find another. It's also hard to tell if she's still with him even if the photos are recent - she could have broken up with him within the week.

So, don't jump to conclusions just yet - you could find out more now that you have a way to contact her and chat.

July 27, 2017

So, don't jump to conclusions just yet - you could find out more now that you have a way to contact her and chat.

yeah, what she has on her profile that can be seen by the public is also different than can be seen by her friends.

I expect though that the public pictures are new or he wouldn't have jump there...

I think he needs to let it go and not contact her, if she has a BF then she is attention gathering..if she doesn't then it is fresh and he would be the rebound.

July 27, 2017

Another clear case of confirmation bias and reading too much into things( e.g. She looked in my eyes as we were talking. She totally wants the D) She's networking and being friendly. She has a boyfriend and she's in love with him. Find someone else.

Edited July 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough

July 27, 2017

Most attached women in love don't talk to a stranger professing how lonely they are. She may have a bf but he may be on the way out.

When a woman is happy and in love she will find a way to mention him before she says it's hard to meet people and she is lonely.

I don't think the OP misread her, I think she is either socially inept or the bf has an expiration date.

And it's interesting to see some of the female posters here like he was whipping it out on some poor unsuspecting girl. She was giving signs of attraction.

What he should have done is ask her out for a drink and never mention if she had a bf. She would have said so then or went with it.

July 27, 2017

Another clear case of confirmation bias and reading too much into things( e.g. She looked in my eyes as we were talking. She totally wants the D) She's networking and being friendly. She has a boyfriend and she's in love with him. Find someone else.

Bingo.

You barely know this woman, OP. You cannot begin to determine if she was interested in you based on a single conversation. I get the impression that she was trying to be friendly and make conversation with you, not that she was looking for a date or sex.

There's nothing to pursue.

July 27, 2017

I went to a social event at an art gallery and it was an excellent event for the most part. There were quite a few single women apparently. Good food, good wine, etc.

One gal caught my eye immediately. She seemed to be alone, whereas the other gals were with friends in mixed groups or with girlfriends. Very pretty also.

The one thing I noticed is that she stared at me wide eyed non stop for the entirety of the time we talked, and we talked for quite some time alone together (well over half an hour, maybe quite a bit longer actually). She's been in town for a year. She kept mentioning how difficult it was to meet people. She strongly implied she was very lonely and said she didn't know where or how to meet people. I got the distinct impression she was single.

An acquaintance interrupted, then a second, then a third and a fourth, etc. I didn't get her contact info.

I checked through the facebook rsvp's and found her there. I also found her on instagram. She has many photos of her and her boyfriend. She says point blank she is in love with him. These photos of her with boyfriend date back....a year!

Maybe I should've asked in retrospect but I thought she made it clear (not in so many words) that she was single and looking for a relationship. But online she gives the complete opposite impression: she is taken and couldn't be happier.

Now I don't know if I should pursue this or not. I got the impression of strong sexual interest, and she repeatedly said she was looking to meet someone so even though it's our first meeting and she didn't lie per se, I still feel a little deceived and perhaps a bit silly spending most of my time there with her exclusively.

She kept mentioning how difficult it was to meet people. -- She didn't say for what purpose though . . . likely mean't friends.

That being said, however, 3 or 4 acquaintances came by to talk to her, so I it doesn't seem to be too difficult for her.

She strongly implied she was very lonely and said she didn't know where or how to meet people. -- Lots of people feel lonely in a new town even after some time has passed.

Again, though, she's at this event meeting people, so that kinda says she does know how.

I still feel a little deceived -- She didn't deceive you, you perceived.

Nevertheless, I understand the confusion and I'd say that perhaps she's not as happy with her boyfriend as she projects on FB and is kinda sniffing around.

Forget about her. The risk of getting caught up in drama isn't worth it.

July 27, 2017

I wouldn't.

If she's got recent photos of a boyfriend and talk of how she loves him, then she wasn't talking about wanting something with you on a romantic level. You chose to buy into that narrative.

Edited July 27, 2017 by kendahke

July 27, 2017

What he should have done is ask her out for a drink and never mention if she had a bf. She would have said so then or went with it.

If his intention by talking to this woman, was merely to find a "date", then what he should have done is established whether she was single or not in the first few sentences and not built up a story in his head that was quashed as soon as he saw her fb page.

Like Vyliss I also think it is "kind of sad that a girl can't be friendly and want a guy to be friends with without him thinking she wants to date him."

Women in general are all about platonic friendships and finding like-minded people to speak to, something that some men just cannot get their head around.

"OMG a good looking woman in an art gallery, she must be well up for it..."

Er...no, she just likes to look at art.

July 27, 2017

It's possible she is putting her feelers out (monkey branching?) to see what else is out there. The key word she said was "lonely". I suspect things are getting stale with her and her BF. Maybe she is just interested in receiving attention from other men to make her feel special because that is lacking in her relationship.

If she's as hot as you say she is, she's prob used to this kind of attention and will take it anytime she can get it.

If you like her, stay in her orbit, but don't get all goo over her and be at her beck and call. Be cool and aloof at times to make her get pulled into your orbit and see what happens.

She doesn't have a ring on her finger so in reality she is fair game.

July 27, 2017

Notice most of the women in this thread are saying the same thing?

She just wants to meet new people.

She probably kept mentioning how hard it is to meet new people as her way of explaining why she was there alone.

Let's say she really was interested and was making herself appear available (she wasn't).

Why would you want a girl that behaves like that when she has a bf?

July 27, 2017

This is common enough that guys get their hopes up when an attractive and seemingly friendly and lonely woman chats up us.

In this case, I wouldn't pursue. I've learned things a bit the hard way, a parties or similar events, she was lonely and you seemed nice enough to talk to for a bit yet she has a boyfriend. Let her go.

July 27, 2017

She didn't deceive you. That is all in your head. She didn't do anything to you except socialize.

And all this assumption about her monkey-branching and orbiting and such. It was a stinking 30 minute conversation at a social event!

Believe it or not, we are not all evil with some grand, man-destroying agenda. lol

July 27, 2017

If his intention by talking to this woman, was merely to find a "date", then what he should have done is established whether she was single or not in the first few sentences and not built up a story in his head that was quashed as soon as he saw her fb page.

Like Vyliss I also think it is "kind of sad that a girl can't be friendly and want a guy to be friends with without him thinking she wants to date him."

Women in general are all about platonic friendships and finding like-minded people to speak to, something that some men just cannot get their head around.

"OMG a good looking woman in an art gallery, she must be well up for it..."
Er...no, she just likes to look at art.

Never, and I repeat, NEVER ask a girl if she's got a boyfriend. It serves no purpose. You want something you go for it. That's what a man does. Cowards look for excuses to not go for what they want. Ask a girl out like a man and she'll respect you - even if she declines.

Don't kid yourself. Attractive women don't stay single for long and can jump from one LTR to another in a flash (look at Sal's insightful post). That's reality. Many of them have checked out for some time and are just waiting on a worthy replacement opportunity. Maybe things are great now and go to crap. Maybe he cheats on her. You never know.

Her RL might end down the line and she'll remember how you were man enough to ask her out and might reach out now that she's available because you made your intentions clear.

It's a no lose scenario.

And for the poor woman who can't go anywhere without being asked out don't worry. Once your looks fade it rarely happens.

July 27, 2017

I would walk away from this situation. Don't bother. Just chalk it up to a learning situation. I think that some women want to test if they still got it.

On Friday. I find out if the women I like is single or not. She has a daughter. So I have to find out if her and the father are still together. No more ambiguity for me. I find it strange that all the times I talk to her. She never mentions him in any context.

July 27, 2017

I think that some women want to test if they still got it.

Or......maybe she just wanted to have a conversation?

July 27, 2017

I dunno, I find the women's responses that she was just looking for friends and it's all innocent, quite bizarre frankly

C'mon ladies. A woman chatting for an hour with a guy she just met, unless she is the most naive person in the world, HAS to know that he is casing her up romantically. She also HAS to know that striking up friendships with random guys--i.e., singling one out of an entire room of people, is just a bad idea in general. Especially if she doesn't mention that she is off-limits romantically. There were plenty of chances in the conversation for her to naturally mention her boyfriend--when she was talking about how hard it is to meet people, she could have clarified. She didn't take one of them.

I think this woman is looking for attention, looking to cheat or she is thinking of leaving her boyfriend, OR she could even be already broken up (see below), maybe a combination of the above. It's NOT nothing I can tell you that much.

Are you sure she is even still with her boyfriend though OP? You said that her pictures of her go back a year. Does that mean that she is still posting pictures of him of him now and has been doing this starting a year ago, or do you mean her last pictures of him are a year old. It wasn't clear.

Edited July 27, 2017 by Imajerk17

July 27, 2017

Yeah....because women totally have no idea how women think....except that we do. Because we're women.

And the reality is that the only person who REALLY knows is her.

And even if she did think he was cute, she did NOT deceive him because she made no promises. HE made it bigger than it was, which is something many men do (aka the whole "she looked at me during class" thing).

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She Didn't Mention Boyfriend :-/

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