drdolittle Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Been dating a girl for 3 months and on the surface everything seems to be going well but I'm starting to think I'm a rebound or if other stuff is going on which I don't know about!! 4 months before we met her boyfriend of 6 years left her. I'm not sure why he left her, but it was unexpected! We've had over 10 dates so far and they've gone really well. We have slept together but haven't had sex. We kiss and cuddle in public loads and she's always available and she always replies to my text messages! All sounds great, but when I compliment her she doesn't respond! Also, she never invites me to hangout and she never talks about our future together. She never flirts via text and sometimes I wonder if we've actually slept together and kissed because of the lack of flirting in her messages. She still has her OLD profile. Also she shares a flat with her sister but I'm never invited in! She hasn't added me on any social networks!! I want to keep seeing her but at the same time I don't want to get involved in something that might end up hurting me because I'm starting to develop very strong feelings for her! What should I do??? So confused.
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 You are not a rebound, you are her cuddle "B&^ch. She's just enjoying your company, having casual contact. It's obvious she doesn't want anything serious. If you don't like it stop seeing her. 2
gemmax Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 She could be taking these very slowly post quite a painful breakup. 6 months after a 6 year rel does seem too soon to me to start dating anybody seriously, but people move on at different speeds I suppose. I would find it quite strange that she is not more flirtatious.. or that you guys havent spoken about sleeping together.
mortensorchid Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 She is not that serious about you but don't be so quick to say that this is a rebound. You slept with her but have not had sex yet. Have you met any friends, family or acquaintance of hers? Probably not. Usually when you are in a rebound relationship there is a lot of sex because that person is trying to blot out or district from memories associated with the last person, and that person is being paraded around or shown off to others publicly. See what happens with this. She doesn't sound that serious about you but that might be a good thing.
act00 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Not getting all gooey about a future when you're only three months into the relationship is NORMAL. You're still in the honeymoon phase, and it's normal to feel like this is "the one" during this time, and in a month or two, you have to explain that it's just not working after you talked about a grand future together and maybe even said the L-word. It's best to be more reserved. Don't put the cart before the horse. Additionally, she is recently outside of a long-term relationship, so she wants to be extra careful, especially given this could be the rebound. She knows you could be her rebound...she also knows this could be the real-deal...she's taking it slow. Third, she doesn't want to scare you off by putting out too much too soon and talking about a long-term commitment, marriage, babies, etc. People run away when there is a high expectation too soon, when you barely know each other. Everyone knows to be careful about putting too much expectation on the table too quickly. She doesn't fill you in on all her life details because it's way too soon to plop you into all of her life, particularly the drama and difficulties. These are things you don't need to know right now, and the reality is, men (women) will back off and run if they have to deal with a new partner's drama as if they're married, and they've only been going out for 2-3 months. As intimacy and trust are established (not necessarily sexual intimacy), these things will slowly be introduced. I do think you need to resolve yourself to the fact that it is very possible this is a rebound and in a month or two she may feel the need to break things off. But, you have no way of knowing this, so your choice is to stick around or cut loose now. You can have some communication on her thoughts, but a "come to Jesus" so early could be a slippery slope as well. You could encourage her to talk about some of her difficulties because as a boyfriend/husband you are a support system. Remember, you're still in the honeymoon phase, and you really have no idea if this will progress long-term, but that's what dating is about - risk. And you might be hurt over it, but you might also decide that this relationship isn't working for you as well and decide to end things. Two months from now, if she continues to be evasive and private, you have to decide if this is something you can continue until she's comfortable...no change in the foreseeable future. You just need to know in your heart when you are ready to cut loose, and if she ends it first, sorry. I know it hurts. You enjoy her, and she enjoys you. Don't try to make a potential future happen right now. I know we all want to know right now, but that is not possible, so just enjoy each other and allow things to naturally progress.
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