joannjones92 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 First time post and could really use some help. I feel so alone and have so many questions. Brief background. I am married and a little over two months ago a long lost love from 30 years ago waved to me on facebook. Way back in the day we had a brief and intense love affair. We both lived in different states and back in the 80s LDR weren't really a thing, so we just stopped seeing each other and never really broke up. Even though I am married, I never forgot about him and as soon as the internet became a thing I went looking for him. I friended him on facebook 7 years ago and never really had much contact other than the happy bdays or family pictures. He waved at me once and I thought it was an accident and then one day when I was on facebook messenger, he waved again. I messaged him back and asked if he meant to do that and he said yes. From there we chatted about life and one thing led to another and he asked about pictures. I have to admit that I was completely thrown off but by the end of the night I was trading pictures. From that day on we texted every single day from morning til night, traded pictures, and would have video sex. I had never done anything like this and am convinced that I would never do that with anyone else. (My marriage has been rocky for many years) Even though it had been 30 years since we'd seen or talked to each other, it was a very natural and unforced affair. He was not married but in a relationship that he seemed very happy with, so why would he contact me? Recently his girlfriend broke up with him and on two separate occasions I asked if he needed space and on both times he said no. We still live in separate states and recently we met up. It was completely nature and normal. We had a lovely evening together or at least I did. Recently, I asked him if he had contact with his girlfriend and if they were getting back together (this is a pattern) and that I just wanted to know so that if they did, I didn't want to be thrown off when we stopped being together. He said that all was good and that we needed to take it one day at a time and that I just needed to relax. He has never been very open with his feelings at all, so during our entire time together I have had a wave of emotions. The next day I just asked him what he was feeling and that it would be helpful for me on this one day at a time journey (I made it clear that I wasn't asking him to profess his undying love for me, but was this something or just a good time) and bam I get this "Maybe we should take a break and just chat like old friends" and that he was starting to feel back about encouraging this thing between us. He tells me he's in this weird emotional place. Never says anything about feelings. What the hell. I just have no idea what the hell I have been going through for the last two months. I remember back 30 years that he wasn't much of a emotional showing person. I know I have given a lot of info and probably all over the board, but I am emotionally all over the board. If this makes sense to anyone or you have something similar to share I would love to hear. I guess what I am wondering, why would someone just wave to me and open the line of communication after 30 years. If he was just wanting his rocks off, how would he know that I would be open to him? (He's says he had never done this before and I believe him as he has been very open about other things) Am I dealing with a man who is not emotionally capable of opening up? (He's been divorced for over 14 years).
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Yes, he was looking to get his rocks off. He got in touch because he was curious, he cast a line, and you bit. Men that goes after a married woman don't usually have serious intentions, OP. You are a "safe" choice for him because you're married to someone else so he doesn't need to offer you any kind of commitment or emotional attachment. I imagine he's very capable of emotionally opening up, but not with you. You're not a candidate for a relationship, so why would he? And to ask the very obvious: Why are you still married?
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