Sbla22 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Bit of information. I've known a girl I met on a dating app for around 2 and a half months now. Some key information: - me (25) her (26) - At first the dates were going well but she was a really poor texter in between. - we began with one date a week but 3 weeks ago she asked me to be exclusive and since we see each other twice a week. - we had sex on the 6th date and have it most times I see her now. --------------------------- I'm just worried as I have had a few promising online girls suddenly call time on it in the past year. I dated one girl for around 2 months but we never discussed exclusivity. She then turned cold and stopped responding to texts, cold in person etc then when I confronted her she said it didn't feel right any more and we didn't speak again. I went on 4 good dates, lots of communication in between, with a girl after her then she ghosted me and that was the end of that. Now with my current GF I'm just worried she will leave me but it's not really founded on anything in particular... I think if I was to draw positives and negatives so far: Positives: . She initiated the exclusivity talk . She is very loving and seems to really like me in person . She has told me she's told her friends and mum about me (they don't live where we currently live) . We have made a few little plans together in the coming weeks. Negatives: . She continues to be a frustrating texter. She will sometimes initiate but I hardly get anything from her when I reply. Very rarely asks me about my day, makes it difficult to continue the conversation. . She seems to think seeing each other just twice a week is fine. I mean she has hobbies she enjoys the other nights and occasionally she works a shift at night which is fine. I just thought now we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend she might want to see me more...she did ask me over a few times recently and I stayed the night but I mentioned about going to see a movie at the weekend and she said she doesn't want to as she thinks it will make her cry...although we will probably do something else. .She said in bed the other night her friends know she likes me as she 'doesn't really do commitment' which confused me a little. --------------- I just feel a bit disconnected from her when I'm not with her. Don't get me wrong I like me time too - I go the gym and swimming, I read a lot etc but I feel like when she goes for her hobbies such as climbing she is very secretive, she'll say she's going for an hour then doesn't text me for hours and might slip in she went to a pub with friends after but doesn't text me to ask what I'm up to etc I really like her and I'm excited about where it's heading but I'm afraid too. I've been hurt badly and I feel like she's holding back a little - I want to be an even bigger part of her life and feel like I need more reassurance? Do you think I'm just anxious because of what's happened in the past with other girls or have my concerns raised any issues?
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 I think she's giving you everything she has to give you & that is a promising relationship. The only caution flag I see is that you want to move too fast. Being exclusive, seeing each other 2x per week & having sex is perfect for the 2.5 month mark. You want more because you want to go too fast toward a long term year plus level of interaction which is daily or something akin to living together. Moving that fast will destroy your relationship ultimately because you won't have a foundation. The pace at which she texts is absolutely meaningless. If she's lovely to you in person, that is the brass ring. To throw that away because you want to be glued to your phone is foolish. learn to interact with her in person or even though voice. You can't carry on a conversation via text. Stop trying. Her comments about not "doing commitment" were her poorly phrased way of telling you that she's trying with you, especially since she brought up exclusivity. Give her a break. Stop overthinking this. Focus on the good things. Get to know each other more. Grow together. By looking for problems & focusing on what you think you don't have you will poison all the good things. 3
Steve51 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Is this a serious post? Exclusive texting? Why can't you find a girl in real life that you can hold and kiss. What has the new generation come to. Guys are afraid to go out and meet girls? I think she is playing with you because she can text anything she wants and you have no way of knowing if she was having sex with someone or not. All you know is what she allows you to know. Last time I had an online female friend, turned out to be a guy messing with me. 1
clia Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 I think everything sounds about right for 2.5 months. . She continues to be a frustrating texter. She will sometimes initiate but I hardly get anything from her when I reply. Very rarely asks me about my day, makes it difficult to continue the conversation. She sounds like a person who isn't a big texter. I'm not either, so I don't see this as a big deal. I think you should place less emphasis on texting. However, if it is that important to you, you should go and find a woman who has a texting style you like. She seems to think seeing each other just twice a week is fine. I mean she has hobbies she enjoys the other nights and occasionally she works a shift at night which is fine. I just thought now we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend she might want to see me more...she did ask me over a few times recently and I stayed the night but I mentioned about going to see a movie at the weekend and she said she doesn't want to as she thinks it will make her cry...although we will probably do something else. I think twice a week is fine for 2.5 months. She had a life before you, and all of that doesn't suddenly stop just because she met you. Over time, you will start seeing her more often. She said in bed the other night her friends know she likes me as she 'doesn't really do commitment' which confused me a little. This is a compliment. She's saying you are special to her so she is committing to you. I feel like when she goes for her hobbies such as climbing she is very secretive, she'll say she's going for an hour then doesn't text me for hours and might slip in she went to a pub with friends after but doesn't text me to ask what I'm up to etc I don't think she needs to check in with you every time she goes out and does her hobbies or let you know she's decided to go to the pub after. You need to be careful here -- she sounds like an independent woman with a full life, and it is going to take some adjustment for her having you in her life now. Definitely don't act upset if she's not checking in with you or asking about you over text. 1
preraph Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 She isn't ready to have a man in her life more than she now does. And honestly, texting a lot -- what's left to talk about when you see each other? I mean, it kind of gets rid of the need to see you more if you're already texting more than she wants to text. And about texting: It shouldn't be an all-day back and forth. When the subject is exhausted, someone has to not text back. People have real lives. She has friends and family she wants to spend time with. She probably also doesn't ever want to start letting you check up on her by expecting her to text right back all the time, as well she shouldn't. It may just be that you will never find the right young girl for you until later in life because people in their 20s just aren't ready to lock themselves up with a guy yet. If you require constant maintenance, you might have to wait until you're in your 30s and date someone also in her 30s and ready to be domestic and settle down -- but I warn you, even then, once you have kids, you are no longer the center of attention at all and will get less attention than ever because it will by necessity go the babies. If you want to keep her, stop trying to get her to not go out with friends and stuff because that is a big turnoff as well as a red flag of your insecurity and seems needy. Her schedule is perfectly balanced as far as I can see, some time to friends, some time to you, some time to family and work and whatever else. I can't help wondering why you have so much time on your hands. Are you not working?
Miss Spider Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Why do people always wanna text all the damn time? 2
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 I see incompatibility. She doesn't fulfill your expectations...expectations that you require to be happy in a relationship. She only wants you as a BF some of the time, when you want more...you both are not in the same place. I dated someone like this where I wanted more than what he wanted to provide attention wise. I dumped him.
Author Sbla22 Posted July 26, 2017 Author Posted July 26, 2017 Thank you for your replies. I think you're all sort of right - on reflection I know this is me being needy and wanting more too soon. It's really hard to stop being anxious when you've had negative experiences in the past (plus I'm an already anxious type!) As for another post - I'm a teacher so I'm on my summer break and yes this does definitely mean I'm not as busy as usual so that probably isn't helping! I've decided to put my phone to one side out of sight tonight and watch some telly and read - that way I'm not tempted to check for a message. I wish I wasn't like this but I see many on here are similar which is comforting.
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Find reasons to keep yourself busy. She has a life & is working to fit you into it gradually. You can't expect to be the center of her work 60+ days in. Go out with your friends. Get a hobby. Make yourself interesting & in the process add a little mystery to your relationship. I'm not talking about playing games. I am suggesting that another person can't be the center of your universe at this early stage. When you start to get anxious remember that you are a good person & a good partner, who brings value to somebody else's life so she ought to want to be with you & vice versa. Because you are both good people, taking things slowly is the way to make it last. Savor your time together & don't worry about the trivial, like texting.
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