AHopelessRomantic Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Hi, I'm new here. This relationship made me feel like I have to get some type of advice. I feel like I know the answer to my own question already, but I'm trying to give myself an ultimatum. I really started vibing with this guy I've only been communicating with on a long distance basis. Like, different state type thing. He went there for schooling. He's been there since early June and he's coming back early August. We've been talking around the time he first got to this new state for schooling. We really kicked it off. We were both talking to other people at the time we were vibing. Both people were insignificant to us. Just people to test waters, basically. Cure boredom. We fell in love, but we both kept these people in close circuit. He was apparently deeper in with the girl. They were physically intimate and everything, but he was just way more into me. He told her about me. Se got upset and blocked him from everything. I was unsure the entire time because of the distance and something was just telling me to wait, but I didn't listen. He was so sure of us. Talking about kids and marriage and moving in. He talked to me everyday. Always wanted to see my face and I could see it made him so happy and comfy and shy when he did. So I gave him what he wanted. I wanted it as much as he did at that point. By this time, we decided to establish a relationship. It was very open-ended and unofficial because we never really spent any physical time together. Also, I was put off by the fact that he told me one of his weaknesses was women when we were talking about our weaknesses and flaws with each other. He swore he could control himself. Swore he'd never cheat. I sensed something was off. I noticed they followed each other back again a couple weeks later. That obviously means there's communication. He swore he was completely done with her. He disappeared for a day. It was odd because we talked every day. Deep down I already knew what was going on. Out of nowhere, he messaged me saying "he doesn't think he could do this". I pried and begged to know why. He eventually told me he was just unsure because I was unsure before and that he was afraid. I knew there was more. Next day, I finally got him to admit he was still talking to her. He told me he didn't cheat. They just argued and he felt like it wasn't fair to me that this was happening. Next day, he fessed up. He actually DID cheat. Physically, too. So yeah, they'd obviously been talking a lot longer. Because of that, we broke up. I couldn't handle it. I resumed communicating with the guy I was talking to in the beginning. I guess it was out of spite, but I did what he did. No, I didn't technically cheat. My friends said it was ultimately the same thing he did. Yes, I was physical with him. In effort to hurt him, of course, I told him what I did. He was very, very angry. My friend, who is male told me, yes, it's clear he does love me a lot and got his heart broken doing the same thing he did. No, i didn't cheat. But I still did the same thing he did. I should not have done it. Just let Karma handle him. He stopped talking to me. Blocked me from everything. Then popped up a couple days later saying he was wrong, i was wrong, too, blah blah blah, don't do that ever again. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'll never do it again. This was two weeks ago. Now he's been distant. Hadn't talked to me at all in two days. I reached out to see if he was okay. He said he was with family the whole day. He even sent pics of him with his family for the weekend. I knew it had to be something else deep down, though..Next day, nothing. No communication at all. Messaged him yesterday (the next day) late last night. Because he posted a conversation between them on Snapchat. He posted an explicit one. Some sexual meme in Spanish and had his "girl" translate it. Didn't mean what he thought and he thought it was funny and he posted their conversation on Snapchat saying "when your girl is Dominican". He did it with the sole purpose to hurt me. He doesn't even post stuff like that. He only posts his business-related stuff. Posted it. I confronted him. He asked "if i was done ranting" then proceeded to talk to me like nothing happened. I stopped replying. He started getting upset for my lack of response. Decided I was going to act like nothing happened, too since he wanted a reaction. He wants to see me cry and hurting. It was obviously from revenge. Later that night, I posted a story on Instagram. He messages me saying, "Oh is that how he makes you feel??!!" The post had NOTHING to do with the other guy lol So yeah, it's obvious, that was his revenge. Now he's messaging me all this weird ****. I kept asking why tf he would do something like that to hurt me. No straightforward responses. Asked if he wants me to back off. No straightforward responses. He just keeps saying we'll see how we'll move forward when I'm back. Now outta nowhere, he's making all of these horny plans for when he gets back. That he wants me to "f" him like I hate him and whatnot. Like wtf is wrong with him. My male friend who is very wise and older than the both of us is still telling me, yeah he loves you, but he's being abusive and manipulative and he's not worth it. I need to to see my value. Blah blah. He's treating me like he doesn't value me. Yeah, I know. He just keeps warning me. Saying to not mess with it. Just leave it alone. I'm going to be honest. I really want to destroy him for what he did. He HAS to see me when he gets back in a few days because I have his stuff. I want to know what to say or do. He's so controlling. He's an *******. Seeking revenge and trying to hurt me because he can't take what he dishes out. I'm not sure what to do or if I should really leave this completely alone. I decided not to communicate with him at all until he gets back and needs his stuff. It's not fair. Should I communicate like nothing happened and let him down hard when he gets here or just stop all together?
Redhead14 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Messy Cheating Situation -- Is there any other kind? When he gets back and contacts you, you tell him he can pick up his stuff on Xday, at Xtime and that you will have someone there with you when he arrives and that there is to be no discussion whatsoever Period. If he doesn't show up or can't do it that day or time, you tell him that his things will be at the curb until he picks them up or the garbage trucks come. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Why would you do anything other than leave this completely alone? The mess is mostly of your own making. He cheated; you should have walked & not looked back. Everything else you did was simply stirring the pot. I'm not blaming you. I am trying to teach you to minimize the aggravation in your life. Learn to cut your losses. 3
preraph Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 I am probably misreading, but have you two ever actually been face to face live in person? Because if not, none of this matters. You can't tell anything about each other until you're face to face. It's naive to think any man who has never met you is going to be faithful to you because if you've never met, what does that even mean? If you've never met, you only know what each other wants each other to know, and not the real person. You only know a fraction of each other. If there is this much drama without having actually dated face to face, I can only imagine it wasn't going to work out in real life either, but it's all a moot point until and unless you decide you want to meet each other. I certainly wouldn't go right into having sex with him before you date a little while given what you already know about you being only one of his interests and not even the main one. He's going to ultimately be more interested in someone live who he can have sex with where he lives, if he's any kind of normal guy. Good luck whatever happens. I think your time would be much better spent dating local guys live in person. 2
Author AHopelessRomantic Posted July 27, 2017 Author Posted July 27, 2017 Okay, so after receiving the same things you all are telling me 6 times, I've decided to come to my senses like you all told me and just let it go lol So, yeah. Nothing to talk about. When I see him, if I'm available to give him his stuff, I'll let that be the end of it. No conversation. Just separate ways. Appreciate the advice.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 I'm a little confused, have you met him in person?
Author AHopelessRomantic Posted July 27, 2017 Author Posted July 27, 2017 Yes, we have met in person. He was very...i guess, allured. I did not care to engage, though and we didn't talk much. We didn't hit it off until he left the state.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Yes, we have met in person. He was very...i guess, allured. I did not care to engage, though and we didn't talk much. We didn't hit it off until he left the state. Then this was kind of a non-relationship anyway, no? I don't think you've lost much here. 2
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