Mysterio Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 (edited) My Parents imigrated to Canada in 1968. They were about 28 or so. They met here in spring of 68 and married in Nov of 69. Had me in March of 71 and my brother in Jan of 73. They have had their ups and downs. So they have been able to stay together for this coming year in Nov 48 yrs Married. Same with most of their friends and family. They love to squable from time to time. So much that some one could play and argument on audio of my parents when they were in their 30/40/50/60/70's and I would not be able to tell how old they were. I am so used to it. That I when I do see them in a loving mode between each other its unerving to me. They don't do anything together for the most part. Maybe vacation and thats about it whenever it happens. Why do I feel like out generation which for the sake of age range is 1960's to 80's. We have a harder time getting together. I am 46 and when My parents were 46 they had too early teens to raise. My brother is single as well. What factors do you think made or broke your parents to stay together or fall apart and at your current age. When your parents were your age. Did you have the same lifestyle or is it vastly different? Edited July 26, 2017 by Mysterio
GunslingerRoland Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 I think culture plays a huge role in who stayed together. My parents and their siblings, and the parents of my friends are generally the same generation as yours. Maybe a few years younger. But there is a straight divide down the middle for who stayed together. The asian friends I have, all of their parents stayed together. The Eastern European, southern European & middle eastern people that I know, almost all of their parents stayed together. But the people I know who were long time North American or immigrated for Western Europe. It's basically a 100% divorce rate. Most of my "Canadian" friends growing up had divorced parents. Interestingly enough, most of my closest friends have been married over 10 years, and the divorce rate is extremely low, across the various ethnic groups we are made of. Many of us had parents who went through divorces, or saw their friends go through it, and worked harder to try and find the right partner and have worked harder on keeping their marriages together. And I know very few single people in my late generation x/early millennial groups of friends.
somanymistakes Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 My parents' marriage lasted less than fifteen years before they divorced. Among my friends, I feel like about half of them have divorced parents, though some of those remarried and the second marriage stayed stable long-term.
Author Mysterio Posted July 26, 2017 Author Posted July 26, 2017 It feels like most of my friends parents are together. Those that divorced to me its not like they found happiness with another person after that. My godmother was single for 10 yrs before she found her second husband. When I look at my life. I feel so far away from Marriage. My mother is turning 78 in Oct. I don't know if she will have any grand kids between my brother and I, if we don't meet someone soon. I am 46 and I don't see myself having kids past 50 and I don't like that idea. I don't want to be a very older father. Mind you if its going to happen then 50 ish is the last hurrah. I will get a vasectomy before 60. I am not going to be a 80 yr old with a 20 yr old son, even if I make it to 90. Things need to be rolling. For me my timeline is the following. Timeline A. YR 1-meet/date/BF/GF status, YrR 2-Shedding the Honeymoon and are in reality with each other. YR 3-Break Uo or Marry. YR 4- have one kid if its in the cards. If she does not want kids. I will be fine with it. Timeline B Yr 1 meet/date/BF/GF Status. YR 2- Break Uo or get engaged. Yr 3- get Married. I do not want any bio kids or living together before Marriage. Or the Living Together can be at least 3 -6 months before the actual Marriage, for the sake of homing logistics. I am not moving around a wedding.
cocorico Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 What factors do you think made or broke your parents to stay together or fall apart and at your current age. When your parents were your age. Did you have the same lifestyle or is it vastly different? My parents (only slightly older than yours) got divorced when we were in our teens, as soon as the youngest left home. They had stuck it out together "for the kids" until then. Squabbling, all the time. Nothing together - not even going on holiday, since we didn't do that. What did we do? We all married really young, and divorced quickly. None of us "stayed together for the kids" since we'd seen how toxic that was for us kids, so we spared our own kids that. I was a single parent for decades. Once my kids were grown I fell in love and got married again. (It's been great!) I feel we were brought up on myths - that women were only worth anything as wives and mothers; that men existed to rescue women from the curse of unmarried life; that pairing up and forming your own family was the only escape from a toxic family of origin. I wish we'd been exposed to more happy, single people (the only single people we met were embittered teachers) with good, fulfilling careers. I had sworn I would never marry, never have kids. I wish I'd had the courage of my convictions.
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