spiderowl Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 How long can you date someone before one or the other expects a decision about being a couple or being exclusive? Obviously if sex becomes part of the dates, then sexual exclusivity has to be important, but commitment? I'd like to just date, have fun getting to know guys, but not make any commitments to any one until I really know them well and I am sure that's what I want. I have a feeling they would not be too comfortable with this though.
I AM HERE Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 As long as you want, just be honest from the beginning. Your life is not about appeasing random guys, so if they don't like it, NEXT! 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 How long can you date someone before one or the other expects a decision about being a couple or being exclusive? Obviously if sex becomes part of the dates, then sexual exclusivity has to be important, but commitment? I'd like to just date, have fun getting to know guys, but not make any commitments to any one until I really know them well and I am sure that's what I want. I have a feeling they would not be too comfortable with this though. I find your thought process ambiguous. You want to have fun w/o commitment until you are ready and sure it's what you want...well, be up front and don't be surprised if the guys you date place in you in possible FWB territory. I fee you either need to be open about just having fun or looking for a relationship.
basil67 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Define "commitment". To me, commitment is the step before getting engaged and much, much later than being exclusive. At my age, I'd say a year or together before making a commitment. For a 20 year old, I'd be saying perhaps four years.
kendahke Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 How long can you date someone before one or the other expects a decision about being a couple or being exclusive? Obviously if sex becomes part of the dates, then sexual exclusivity has to be important, but commitment? I'd like to just date, have fun getting to know guys, but not make any commitments to any one until I really know them well and I am sure that's what I want. I have a feeling they would not be too comfortable with this though. When the prospect of sex enters into the picture. Commitment, for me, happens when a pattern of committed behavior has set up long enough for reasonable adults to call a spade a spade. 1
CptInsano Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 How long can you date someone before one or the other expects a decision about being a couple or being exclusive? Obviously if sex becomes part of the dates, then sexual exclusivity has to be important, but commitment? I'd like to just date, have fun getting to know guys, but not make any commitments to any one until I really know them well and I am sure that's what I want. I have a feeling they would not be too comfortable with this though. There is no such thing, and I wouldn't even know how you'd define a commitment in this context. You will need to be open about your intentions and negotiate this individually. For example, I'm not somebody who dates casually, meaning that I wouldn't have sex with you until I knew you that I wanted more from you than just fun. 2
GunslingerRoland Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Unless you're married, maybe engaged, I don't really see how commitment is part of a relationship. You aren't making any agreement during the dating period to stay together for any set period of time. It's all one day/week at a time. I mean in an informal way the sense of commitment grows over time, you probably aren't going to drop a gf of a couple of years, over a minor thing like you might a first date. But I still feel like it's a greatly overused word in early relationships. Exclusivity is a totally different matter, I'm old fashioned and I think it should be decided on fairly early.
mortensorchid Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Depends on the person / situation. I would say two or three months before you are exclusive, you should start introducing them to friends / family by then safely without anyone acting weird about it. As for when you want commitment out of them? Nine months to one year is acceptable. If they bail, they don't want to be with you and they will find a reason or excuse as to how/why. Then again, I have met people who dated people for barely six weeks and then married them. They have also divorced them just as quick, but people don't want to take the time to do things the right way either.
Aayla Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 (edited) Firstly define what you think is "commitment" and then be honest about it with the guys you go out with. Does it include having sex with different guys? Does it mean that maybe you are sexually exclusive with one but seeing others for fun? It's all about the context. Also be prepared that your dates will also have multiple dates. If you can't handle competition, multiple guys/girls thing is probably not for you. On the timing thing - depends... on what you defined as commitment earlier and also what the guy thinks. I recently got out of a relationship that I thought of as mid-serious (10 months) but the guy didn't feel the same way. Depends. Edited July 26, 2017 by Aayla
Author spiderowl Posted July 26, 2017 Author Posted July 26, 2017 Thanks for the feedback. I guess by 'commitment' I mean just dating one person. I'm not really sure what I want except I don't want to feel trapped because I am enjoying someone's company. Nor do I want to feel sex is inevitable with them. I'd just like to get to know them and see if an attachment grows or not. I can't see any guy being comfortable with this for long though.
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