tessaw Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Hi everyone! This is a really tough post for me to write but I'm going to do it because I want to change. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years and have known eachother 4, we're both 18 so we basically grew through high school together. He has become a major part of my life, and most likely will continue to be. We get along extremely well and I love him to death. We have been long distance (not very long) for 2 of the 4 years but the distance is closing relatively soon. Anyway, he left for a military-style camp hours away 3 days ago. I was told he'd be able to contact me at night for a little bit, but I've yet to hear from him and my text has not sent. He will be gone for 12 more days, and I've been having a really hard time coping, especially now that I know he's unreachable. When I think about that, I get very anxious. I imagine all the awful things that could happen to either one of us and that we wouldn't be able to communicate. This made me realize something that I think I've subconsciously known for a while: I am very dependent on him and our communication, and I am obviously aware of this being very unhealthy. I do not want to be like this. I know that it is not normal to be experiencing sleep/appetite changes, sadness/crying, and anxiety in his absence. Rationally I know that 12 days is not very long but for some reason it's feeling very long to me. There are people with very real problems in the world and missing their boyfriend for 12 days probably is not one of them. Let me just mention that I have a severe anxiety disorder- I have been in and out of therapy since I was a child, tried meds, and am currently in therapy (both for my anxiety and relationship struggles) where we are going to begin working on this. I will fully admit that my behavior is unhealthy and is not doing either of us any favors. I have always had separation issues, whether it be from my parents or someone I am very close to. I am coming to realize that my behavior could eventually be enough to drive us apart. We have such a strong bond but I'm sure he puts up with a lot and just keeps it inside. I am a stickler on timely texting and communication, which I know is probably very irritating, especially when I get angry at him for it. This is the only source of "conflict" in our relationship. So, before I meet with my therapist again in a week and a half, I'm looking to you guys for some advice. I would like to begin working on this step by step. I know my emotions are all over the place and that in order to be self sufficient I must be emotionally dependent on MYSELF only. It's something I'd like to work on and show him I've improved on once he gets back That being said, feel free to be honest with me! Maybe try not to be too hard on me (I'm already being pretty hard on myself) but I am willing to hear what I need to in order to fix this issue. Thanks in advance!
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 First of all in the event of the worst case scenario that something awful happens to one of you, his parents can go through the camp to contact him. He's not in a war zone. He's in a camp. Second it's 2 weeks, not forever. Think of it as a challenge. Find things to do that are fun for you while he's away. Spend time with your other friends. Read a book. Paint. Exercise. Have adventures of your own so you have stuff to talk about when he returns.
Author tessaw Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 First of all in the event of the worst case scenario that something awful happens to one of you, his parents can go through the camp to contact him. He's not in a war zone. He's in a camp. Second it's 2 weeks, not forever. Think of it as a challenge. Find things to do that are fun for you while he's away. Spend time with your other friends. Read a book. Paint. Exercise. Have adventures of your own so you have stuff to talk about when he returns. Yeah that's always true! I keep trying to tell myself that, I'm very close with his mom so I'm sure if anything really bad every happened she'd keep me in the loop/help out. I think that's a good idea! I do know that the key to getting better and having these two weeks go a little quicker is to keep busy, so I'm going to pick up some of the artsy things I like to do again so that I can keep busy. I know he'll have plenty to tell me when he gets home so it'd be cool if I had some stuff to tell him as well! Thanks 2
mortensorchid Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Two weeks is nothing. He's away at camp not in the middle of a war zone, so you have no worries about things other than getting blisters from all the exercises they will be doing. As for your dependence on the communication, try writing him letters everyday. But don't send them. It's just an exercise to help you get some feelings down and feel as if you are communicating with him. 1
Author tessaw Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 Two weeks is nothing. He's away at camp not in the middle of a war zone, so you have no worries about things other than getting blisters from all the exercises they will be doing. As for your dependence on the communication, try writing him letters everyday. But don't send them. It's just an exercise to help you get some feelings down and feel as if you are communicating with him. Yeah, I know, you're right. I just think the two weeks will feel long since we have never been separated for this long, but I'm sure as time progresses I'll get used to it. And that's true, haha. I just get worried that he'd get worked too hard or something or that it's tough on him emotionally but I know that he's strong and can handle it. I've actually been writing letters every day by suggestion of my friend so I'll continue that! Thanks!
I AM HERE Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 This is a simple fix, find something to do, something you enjoy that will absorb your mind. And so that your not so dependent on him, don't make it about him in any kind of way.
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