Mjm1014 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 So need some advice opinions...I've been dating my girlfriend about 4 months, and up until about two weeks ago things seemed amazing. We would constantly text/talk, hang out/go on dates when we were both off, but then all of a sudden she became very distant....wouldn't respond to texts, less affection in person, and a lot less talkative. Last night at her place she was basically giving me the silent treatment all night, and acting snippy. Before bed I asked her if things were okay and she said she was unsure but didn't want to talk about it. Today I get a text from her saying she "loves me" but is unsure about a few things in our relationship and that she is not sure if our personalities match (baffles me), and that she doesn't want to talk for a couple days because she wants to "miss me"..she says long term she isn't sure but told me "please don't give up"... Well this is basically the worst time for this to happen because she's going to a wedding with me this weekend and all my extended family will be there to meet her. She says she still wants to go but doesn't want to talk about "us" until after the wedding is over. I'm going to be humiliated if she comes and meets everyone then just breaks up with me. Plus, I don't know if I want to see her anymore since she's so unsure about us-I want to date someone that is truly in love with me. Should I give her the space or just end it? I feel really hurt and let down by her. I feel like we basically broke up.
lurker74 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Give her space but don't take her to the wedding. And the truth is, she's likely talking to someone else...doesn't mean she's cheating, just that she's attracted to someone and it's interfering with her feelings for you. I hope I'm wrong but I suspect I am not. 1
kendahke Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) It sounds like you two have spent an overwhelming amount of time with each other to the point where she's at her saturation point with you. Like a sponge, some people can take only so much before they have to "dry out" so they can take in more. I'd say the time to have given each other a break was about 2 weeks ago when she began turning. It's a shame that she isn't confident enough to own her own voice and speak up for herself to you--do you make it easy for her to express herself or do you make it difficult for her to do this? IF she told you "hey, I really like being with you, but I need some time to myself so that I can miss you", would you have accommodated her or would you have pushed for not giving her room? As for the wedding--I'm not sure you've known her long enough to take her to a family wedding, even if this wasn't already going on in your relationship. Edited July 25, 2017 by kendahke
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 Thanks for the responses! First off- she knows my cousin that is getting married (they grew up together), but she doesn't know the rest of my family really-so she still wants to go as my date. Second, about the amount time shared together-we really haven't spend too much time together since my work requires me to travel 3-4 days out of the week. When I am home, we do spend time together though. This is so mind boggling though..I don't understand where any of this is coming from :/
kendahke Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Thanks for the responses! First off- she knows my cousin that is getting married (they grew up together), but she doesn't know the rest of my family really-so she still wants to go as my date. Second, about the amount time shared together-we really haven't spend too much time together since my work requires me to travel 3-4 days out of the week. When I am home, we do spend time together though. This is so mind boggling though..I don't understand where any of this is coming from :/ Then I vote with Lurker--someone else is lurking about with her. If she comes to you with the "I'm confused" talk, then that is a sure sign that there is someone else and she doesn't know well enough yet if he's going to work out, but she doesn't want to lose her grip on you for someone to fall back on in case he doesn't work out. Wait for her to make that speech--and I also vote for not taking her to the wedding. Did your cousin send her her own "rsvp" invite? If she was that close to your cousin, she'd have gotten one and would be going to the wedding without you anyway. Where she wants to go as your date no longer matters since she's acting like she doesn't want you around--one doesn't reward bad behavior. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 I don't think there necessarily has to be someone else for her to be questioning her feelings. As I said in a thread yesterday, the 3 month mark is kinda typical for it. Regardless, I would not take her to the wedding. 2
Zahara Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Someone is distracting her. She seems almost annoyed/turned off by you and that is a huge indicator that someone else maybe in the picture. Or the honeymoon period is ending and she's not feeling it. I have a strong feeling it's the former. She's likely giving you the "loves me" and "please don't give" for a couple of reasons 1) vacillating between the two of you to give her some time to figure herself out 2) relieving her guilt -- she knows she is checking out. I would not take her to the wedding as a date. You both can go separately. She doesn't get to keep up appearances at your expense. 2
kendahke Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Usually, if they begin questioning and it's at the "end of the representatives" stage and no fighting or conflicts of personalities have taken place, then yes, there usually is someone--if not someone new, then they're still not over the ex and don't want to move on. Like Zahara says, being annoyed with you for no reason is one of the tell tale signs. Been through that way too much to say that can't happen.
coolheadal Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 So need some advice opinions...I've been dating my girlfriend about 4 months, and up until about two weeks ago things seemed amazing. We would constantly text/talk, hang out/go on dates when we were both off, but then all of a sudden she became very distant....wouldn't respond to texts, less affection in person, and a lot less talkative. Last night at her place she was basically giving me the silent treatment all night, and acting snippy. Before bed I asked her if things were okay and she said she was unsure but didn't want to talk about it. Today I get a text from her saying she "loves me" but is unsure about a few things in our relationship and that she is not sure if our personalities match (baffles me), and that she doesn't want to talk for a couple days because she wants to "miss me"..she says long term she isn't sure but told me "please don't give up"... Well this is basically the worst time for this to happen because she's going to a wedding with me this weekend and all my extended family will be there to meet her. She says she still wants to go but doesn't want to talk about "us" until after the wedding is over. I'm going to be humiliated if she comes and meets everyone then just breaks up with me. Plus, I don't know if I want to see her anymore since she's so unsure about us-I want to date someone that is truly in love with me. Should I give her the space or just end it? I feel really hurt and let down by her. I feel like we basically broke up. Sounds like there is another fellow in her life along side of you. But again she might be scared about something you did or said to her. What have you been saying with her? Think first before you are unsure of your answer. Or she not ready for a full life with you. You can take her to the wedding and even if she the end it's the end for her too. Not only you. Plus you can't find a woman that fast to fall in love with you again plus you can't accept that now either. Women do what they please she either confused or just doesn't want to be with you like you said. We all here don't know her she has the answer she the one to confess her love or non-love for you. Tough call, but you have to be the man here and be the leader take it or not but don't fall victim to love and what it can do to you if she rejects you. Giving her space just gives her room to look elsewhere.. I don't think you want that now before the wedding.
elaine567 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Today I get a text from her saying she "loves me" but is unsure about a few things in our relationship and that she is not sure if our personalities match (baffles me), So what are the "few things in your relationship" that she is unsure about?
smackie9 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 She needed "a couple of days".....come back here when she comes back to talk to you. Sitting there speculating will only worsen the anxiety not make it go away. The answers will only come from her not us.
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 Thanks again for the responses everyone...it's definitely giving me something to think about. I don't think taking her to the wedding would be a good idea. She knew my cousin growing up but over time they went their separate ways so she didn't get an RSVP, I invited her as my date. As for "certain things she's unsure about" in regards to our relationship, your guess is as good as mine other than our personalities together as she stated. I've been thinking back and haven't said anything to offend her-if fact I've been working my butt off the past two weeks on my days off helping her move, and cooking her dinners. She just hasn't seem engaged at all. What really gets me is she's talking out of both sides of her mouth saying she cares about me and loves me (whatever that means), and at the same time saying she is unsure about us and wants to go a few days without talking. I think I made up my mind-as you can tell I'm very upset (and hope I don't regret this), but I'm done. All I know is I wouldn't act this way towards someone I'm serious with. Btw I turn 30 in a month-so I don't have time to waste on people like this. Again, thank you for the messages-It helped me make my decision 4
KBob Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 If everyone is right and there is someone she's attracted to who is distracting her at the same time she's telling you she loves you, you should definitely dump her.
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 The bride & groom paid a LOT of money to feed you and a plus one for the wedding. For her to cancel at the last minute is rude. Give her until Thursday but then confirm that she will be attending. You won't be humiliated if she comes & you later break up. Just don't introduce her as your GF to anybody. When you make introductions simply use her name. That could backfire & piss her off into thinking that you're not serious but tell her in advance that is what you are going to do because you don't want to pressure her in light of her request for space. 1
kendahke Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 The bride & groom paid a LOT of money to feed you and a plus one for the wedding. For her to cancel at the last minute is rude. I've yet to hear or read a story about a bride and groom who are beyond pissed because of one extra plate of food due to one person out of +20 not showing up at the reception. They'll be too busy being the center of attention. OP you don't owe someone who is talking out of both sides of their head anything, certainly not a place at a wedding. Weddings and funerals bring out the worst in some people and it isn't a place to have to listen to the person you're into tell you they don't feel the same way you do, even though they claim they love you. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Don't go to the wedding with her. And DONT agree to be a layaway plan like she is proposing. Find someone who is sure about you. Sorry, OP 2
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