Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 So here's my story. I met a man online. He's 48, and I'm 28.He basically stated he wanted someone to spend time with, maybe more if it goes further. I'm thinking cool, kill time have fun. Free meals, etc. He was pushing to met. Which is understandable, catfishing going around these days. He was very attracted to me. Saying we should met up again, You're so pretty etc. I thought he was cool. I wasn't attracted to him, he was okay, but he wasn't my dream guy. The first week he was attentive texting me everyday. And, eventually we went on our second date . Which was fun. We even kissed. However the next week things changed. I asked him was he busy Friday. He said he had plans, but he was available Sunday. I just said "Oh" Didn't think much of it. So, I tried to make it up the following week being extra nice through text, finally he says we should do something Sunday. i said "Cool" . I was letting him make the plans etc. However, the day came upon, and I didn't hear from him. Still haven't. I'm just confused. If this was suppose to be a fun adventure why is he making it more than what it is?
grays Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 It doesnt sound to me like there's any chemistry between you.
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Yeah, he wasn't in it for killing time and buying you free meals. I'd guess he was in it to get laid and it wasn't going "further' quick enough for him so he moved on to other fish 4
Author Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 Yeah, he wasn't in it for killing time and buying you free meals. I'd guess he was in it to get laid and it wasn't going "further' quick enough for him so he moved on to other fish Which, I totally understand. But, you can't expect that after meeting twice. I even told him on a date I'd rather a man be honest, so we both don't have to waste time.
grays Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 I think it happens on the first date pretty often if theres a spark. I doubt he was looking to trade meals for sex. He was probably hoping for some real attraction.
edwardchum Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 They say in therapy, "Fake it till you make it," so even though you may not have your anxiety under control, you have to act as if you do. More to the point, never EVER tell a woman (or pretty much anyone) that you have anxiety issues. At best, they'll pity you, and at worst, they'll be repelled. In this case, I wouldn't just not show up. Text her one more time to ask if you're still on for tomorrow.
Author Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) I think it happens on the first date pretty often if theres a spark. I doubt he was looking to trade meals for sex. He was probably hoping for some real attraction. So you think he picked up I wasn't attracted to him? If that was case he should of stop speaking to me after the first date. However, He did text me everyday for two weeks. So I'm confused. FYI I wasn't looking for free meal for exchange of sex. I just wanted to met someone to pass the time, that's all. Edited July 25, 2017 by Lovely7
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Which, I totally understand. But, you can't expect that after meeting twice. I even told him on a date I'd rather a man be honest, so we both don't have to waste time. Some people expect that after meeting once lol And yeah, people lie, can't really take a stranger you've met twice word as gospel. He was hoping your "spending time" would go "further" than a kiss by the second date, imo. That wording he used, the physical compliments, the behavior after your second date kiss, all of it is pretty common around here
basil67 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 I just wanted to met someone to pass the time, that's all. Not everyone walks away after a first date: Some like to give it a second chance. However, I think he figured you were in it for free food and killing time and not so much because you wanted to be with him. I truly understand how some guys feel taken advantage of in the dating process. 1
Author Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) Not everyone walks away after a first date: Some like to give it a second chance. However, I think he figured you were in it for free food and killing time and not so much because you wanted to be with him. I truly understand how some guys feel taken advantage of in the dating process. Aww come on. He was taking advantage of me also. Going out with older man already gives him a look of a player. People assumed he was having sex with me and I'm a gold digger. And, maybe he's goal was only to have sex. Btw: He also stated he wanted someone to spend time with. So, no I wasn't taking advantage of him. Edited July 25, 2017 by Lovely7
the_lost_1 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 So here's my story. I met a man online. He's 48, and I'm 28. Stopped reading there. He's old enough to be your grandpa, are you serious?
bluefeather Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Stopped reading there. He's old enough to be your grandpa, are you serious? How's the view from that high horse? It's not a big deal if they just want to go out and see what happens. Lovely7, it sounds like there just wasn't a spark between either of you. It happens. 1
basil67 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Aww come on. He was taking advantage of me also. Going out with older man already gives him a look of a player. People assumed he was having sex with me and I'm a gold digger. And, maybe he's goal was only to have sex. Btw: He also stated he wanted someone to spend time with. So, no I wasn't taking advantage of him. Nope sorry, I can't see how he was taking advantage of you.
Novz Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 He was pushing to met. Which is understandable, catfishing going around these days. He was very attracted to me. Saying we should met up again, You're so pretty etc. I thought he was cool. I wasn't attracted to him, he was okay, but he wasn't my dream guy. You don't even like him as you said. I don't think going out with a man for the benefits of getting freebies is right. I find it insincere. 4
morrowrd Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 I'm glad he didn't follow through. By your own words, you were using him (free meals, something to do), even though you weren't attracted to him. Yet, now you feel snubbed? And to save your pride you grace him with "extra nice texts" - what if he did follow through? Then what? You dump him later once someone better comes along that you are actually attracted to. This guy was just a seat warmer, maybe he became wise to you. Honestly, you're one of the people who treat online dating like a game.... selfish while you play with people's feelings and lives. Just you wait, the same thing is going to happen to you. 1
Author Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 I'm glad he didn't follow through. By your own words, you were using him (free meals, something to do), even though you weren't attracted to him. Yet, now you feel snubbed? And to save your pride you grace him with "extra nice texts" - what if he did follow through? Then what? You dump him later once someone better comes along that you are actually attracted to. This guy was just a seat warmer, maybe he became wise to you. Honestly, you're one of the people who treat online dating like a game.... selfish while you play with people's feelings and lives. Just you wait, the same thing is going to happen to you. Like men don't take women out only with the thought of only sex. Mind you, it was him that said I'll take you places, buy you this and that. Well, I cashed in. Gosh, I just wanted to have fun without drama. And, now he's profile subtly states he wants a hook up. And, too you I look like a gold digger. Well, then he's a beauty/youth digger.
morrowrd Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Now you're trying to make yourself look like a victim. YOU stated that his profile said he wanted someone to spend time with, more if it goes further. I interpret that as probably anyone would, start things slow and if there's a connection, a relationship is possible. Hell, that could have been a line on a profile I might have written up. The truth is, you thought you could sweet talk an older man into being your sugar-daddy, played a game and lost. Now, you make it all out that he's the bad guy? You're full of it. 1
lucy_in_disguise Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 I don't get it. Were you planning to hook up with him, despite the lukewarm interest, to get him to buy you things? I just don't see the appeal of hanging out with a guy you have no attraction for who is tying to hook up, no matter who is paying for dinner. Are you that hard up for cash? Or are you looking for a deal that covers more than just dinner? Because, I'm pretty sure those arrangements usually include some sex. No judgement, really, I am just baffled by your definition of "fun". I can think of about 500 things that are more fun than going on a date with someone I'm not that into. You're 28 and dont appear to be looking for anything serious- surely you have more interesting prospects. 3
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 why not both? why cant he be the creepy old man low key seeking a lovely sugar baby to hook up with and buy things and she be a gold digger who tried to play him for the stuff and without plans to uphold her end of the implicit agreement? Let's be fair
Author Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 Let me add to this. I feel like I'm getting a bad stigma. I honestly do believe he was into me. Just to add, he brought it a million times he wants to get married again, etc. And, he texted me every Mooring, and everyday. A woman knows when a man is attracted. And, I was playing along. And, I [probably shouldn't have. But to be honest I really just wanted someone to spend time with, nothing more or less. I would of even paid my own meals. If he wanted a instant love connection after two dates, He should of stated that. And, to be honest, I feel he's going through a crisis he wants to feel desired. and, I didn't do that for him. He kept talking about his age, He kept talking about money, he kept talking about his looks, it was he not me.
Author Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 I don't get it. Were you planning to hook up with him, despite the lukewarm interest, to get him to buy you things? I just don't see the appeal of hanging out with a guy you have no attraction for who is tying to hook up, no matter who is paying for dinner. Are you that hard up for cash? Or are you looking for a deal that covers more than just dinner? Because, I'm pretty sure those arrangements usually include some sex. No judgement, really, I am just baffled by your definition of "fun". I can think of about 500 things that are more fun than going on a date with someone I'm not that into. You're 28 and dont appear to be looking for anything serious- surely you have more interesting prospects. Yes, you can have fun with people you're not into. He had a great personality. Yes, I'll admit I wasn't physical attracted to him. And, I never asked him to buy me things. Btw, on the first date I asked if he wanted to split the bill. So, Yeah, I was looking for someone to pass the time. I'm new in town, I don't have any friends here. I was just looking for something to do. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) I really don't see what you did wrong, lovely. He is the one waving his money around, offering to buy things. He said he wanted someone to spend time with MAYBE more. Spending time with him is just what you did. You kissed him, so maybe you were a little attracted(perhaps not physically but otherwise? Seems like you were just going along with his plan, then he faded out. Why do you think you didn't make him feel desirable Edited July 25, 2017 by Cookiesandough
act00 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 My thought is he found the attraction wasn't there. Maybe it was mutual and maybe he caught that vibe that you really weren't into him. Plus, you're 20 years his junior, and it could be he found there weren't a lot of common connections. He was attentive at first because he wanted it to work, and maybe he thought he'd see if a second date would ignite that spark or chemistry, as first dates can be awkward. Overall, I suspect he felt you two just weren't really a match after the second meeting. TBH, your overall attitude about him probably spilled out in your behaviors. He knew it wasn't there. The fact you upped the ante on texting after the second date when he was busy on the weekend may have come across as a bit "shady" (for lack of a better word). Just kind of game-player? I don't want to say shallow, as I don't think that's the right word either, but it was obvious your intentions were a bit false. He stopped giving you attention, so you reacted by trying to be "extra nice" through text. That just comes across wrong; you were using him, and I'm sure he felt it (think about those men who slather on the complements and attention way to fast, too soon). You weren't ever really interested in him, so why did it matter? If anything, it spares you having to tell him it's just not going to work out, especially when he wants something more, both mental and physical, and I'm not talking about sex right away, but second base, third base...things tend to progress, and I suspect you weren't going to go in that direction. I don't know what to say about him changing his profile from "serious" to "hookup," but if he's chasing young women half his age, maybe he decided it's better that way. It's possible he wanted to get you into bed, but you expressed very little desire for him, and of course women who want more than a hookup are more likely to be a bit slower to get into bed, so he changed his "goals." I don't know his motivations, but again, my thoughts are that nothing really changed on date #2 with you and your interest level, so he moved on. I'm always up for a second try if the first one was less than ideal because these things happen, but if there's still not a lot after the second, then a third is probably not worth the effort - though he did ask you for a Sunday (3rd). You're not interested him, so let him go. You're hurt by the sudden loss of attention, but again, your motivations for going out with this man weren't really stemmed from an interest in growing a relationship, but rather "something to do" and "a free meal," so lick your wounds and move on. Don't bat this guy around. You don't want him. Especially if he's a player, but you never really wanted him, so let it go. 2
Author Lovely7 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 I really don't see what you did wrong, lovely. He is the one waving his money around, offering to buy things. He said he wanted someone to spend time with MAYBE more. Spending time with him is just what you did. You kissed him, so maybe you were a little attracted? Seems like you were just going along with his plan, then he faded out. Why do you think you didn't make him feel desirable Thank you. Your the only one. Well, to answer your question he was the one who tried to kiss me, on the second date, more than once. i didn't want to slight him. He tried a few times I turned my head. But, eventually gave in. There were a few things I did wrong . I was really unsure about him at the beginning he asked me out on our first date, subtly like 10 times I just smiled it off. Then he texted me all day saying we should do this and that, and then eventually, I said we should hang out. That was our second date. He brought up, that I seemed hesitant to hang out again. I just brushed it off. So for the next two weeks texting was the game. And, he said Sunday would be the best day. Didn't hear from him. I think he wanted me to chase him down, for our date. Personally, I think he's going through a crisis. He's been divorced for some years. Haven't found a mate. He thinks he so good looking, that he deserves the most beautiful woman. But, to be honest he's okay looking, he makes decent money, and has a sort of pragmatic personality. I think the women he was with prior told him he's good looking and this and that, and, I Didn't want to lie to him 1
Chilli Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 lovely , forget the analyzing why does a man always have to have a problem when women do all the same things including chasing young guys. but, l don't think you did anything wrong and there's nothing at all wrong with not wanting to over do it first few dates and if he was just after some action then you did the right thing. But l think he's just not feeling it. lt only takes one , two most meeting someone to get the vibe especially if it's a bit on the low side.
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