I feel like no one wants me

July 24, 2017

I am far from the first who has ever posted this lament but I feel as if no one wants me. In that no one wants me as their long term girlfriend / wife. All the guys I have been with in the last end up with a trashy girl or go for someone who is less educated, less successful, less personality, less attractive ( in terms of their looks or body), and less active in their community. In general I think they want someone who will sit at home and take care of them rather than challenge them or be more their equal. And they go for ones with divorces, kids, train wrecks, etc. In the past.

I know what all can and will say to this - you will say to keep trying. Someone who goes for these women rather than me does not deserve me, to be sure. But I find myself not even trying anymore with people. I just assume that if I meet someone in any situation that they don't want me. Not really anyway. They just want someone who is less than they are and I am not that to them.

July 24, 2017

I'm so sorry that you feel this way.

I too have felt this way. For years, I suffered through many failed dates while I watched my friends and family get married and start their families. It's hard.

I don't mean to be dismissive in telling you to keep the faith, it will happen... because you are sad and you have a right to feel discouraged and sad. But, it does take just one. I am proof of that. I searched for years and truth be told, I had given up hope. And then, I met the right person... and, he wanted me.

So feel sad now. But, don't lose all faith. It can still happen for you. And, even if it doesn't... you will still be ok. Hugs to you.

July 24, 2017

I am far from the first who has ever posted this lament but I feel as if no one wants me. In that no one wants me as their long term girlfriend / wife. All the guys I have been with in the last end up with a trashy girl or go for someone who is less educated, less successful, less personality, less attractive ( in terms of their looks or body), and less active in their community. In general I think they want someone who will sit at home and take care of them rather than challenge them or be more their equal. And they go for ones with divorces, kids, train wrecks, etc. In the past.

I know what all can and will say to this - you will say to keep trying. Someone who goes for these women rather than me does not deserve me, to be sure. But I find myself not even trying anymore with people. I just assume that if I meet someone in any situation that they don't want me. Not really anyway. They just want someone who is less than they are and I am not that to them.

Things happen when you least expect them. I once felt the same way. I'm skinny, attractive, not loose and well educated and for the longest time I was wondering why people in general and guys would tell me I'm the full package yet I'd never be able to graduate onto a long term relationship. Although I'm still single I've recently met the man of my dreams, just as I was in a mindset that i had given up on finding love.

You don't want a man who ultimately wants to settle down with a lesser woman. It shows insecurity on his part and that is never attractive, let alone someone you want to invest your life in. The right man will be your equal and be proud of it. They are rare to find, just like a respectable well educated woman is these days. Rare things aren't as prevalent, hence why it is taking you longer. But it is worth the wait. Keep your dignity, don't act desperate and the right man will notice and respect that. He's out there.

July 24, 2017

I am far from the first who has ever posted this lament but I feel as if no one wants me. In that no one wants me as their long term girlfriend / wife. All the guys I have been with in the last end up with a trashy girl or go for someone who is less educated, less successful, less personality, less attractive ( in terms of their looks or body), and less active in their community. In general I think they want someone who will sit at home and take care of them rather than challenge them or be more their equal. And they go for ones with divorces, kids, train wrecks, etc. In the past.

I know what all can and will say to this - you will say to keep trying. Someone who goes for these women rather than me does not deserve me, to be sure. But I find myself not even trying anymore with people. I just assume that if I meet someone in any situation that they don't want me. Not really anyway. They just want someone who is less than they are and I am not that to them.

If you're being beaten out by women who are uglier, more boring and less successful than you (your words ), then maybe THOSE guys don't prioritize those things.

Personally, I could give a sh@t how successful you are. If you are a nurse making 20 bucks an hour and love your job, you're more likely to be a happier mate and have better stories. And personality is subjective. But certain guys go for laid back women. And you ain't that, lol.

But there's all types. So, one thing you could do is find guys who do prioritize the things you have in spades and keep working on those things.

Edited July 24, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

July 24, 2017

go to meetup.com and find interest groups in you area. you can meet men with similar interests to your own. I know it's hard but try to meet men who have more things in common with you

July 24, 2017

Maybe you need to stop trying.

Think about it. If it were up to you, you would be in a relationship with one of these substandard men.

Don't force square pegs into round holes.

Sometimes we have to let life happen. If it's meant to be, it will be. We have to wait for the round pegs. Don't try to force the square pegs to work out. Or wonder why they fit so well with square holes.

Compatibility is not something we're can make happen. We just need to be able to recognize and embrace it when it does come around.

There are men out there praying for a woman like you. Hoping and wishing that one day ....

Edited July 24, 2017 by MidKnightDreams

July 24, 2017

Mortensorchid, do you realise you're doing that thing with putting others down in order to feel better about yourself? You're in a hard spot at present, but I think you're better than this diatribe against other women.

And I agree with JuneJulySeptember - these women are only lesser in YOUR view. But the guys obviously see other qualities in them which make these girls really attractive.

Looks apparently don't mean as much as you think they do. Or perhaps you don't have the looks they want. Personality is extremely subjective and it's extraordinarily arrogant to judge a person as having less personality than you.

Your career success should be about what you want for yourself. I can't see it as something which would necessarily attract others. Active in the community? Yeah nah....Lots of men may value other attributes more. Like say, humility and kindness.

And why anyone wants a partner who challenges them is beyond me. Sounds like a whole lot of drama to me. What's wrong with wanting a partner who enjoys a peaceful relationship? There's a whole lot more to being equal than one's education or job.

I truly believe you have to have a rethink about how you see yourself and others.

July 24, 2017

Mortensorchid, do you realise you're doing that thing with putting others down in order to feel better about yourself? You're in a hard spot at present, but I think you're better than this diatribe against other women.

And I agree with JuneJulySeptember - these women are only lesser in YOUR view. But the guys obviously see other qualities in them which make these girls really attractive.

Looks apparently don't mean as much as you think they do. Or perhaps you don't have the looks they want. Personality is extremely subjective and it's extraordinarily arrogant to judge a person as having less personality than you.

Your career success should be about what you want for yourself. I can't see it as something which would necessarily attract others. Active in the community? Yeah nah....Lots of men may value other attributes more. Like say, humility and kindness.

And why anyone wants a partner who challenges them is beyond me. Sounds like a whole lot of drama to me. What's wrong with wanting a partner who enjoys a peaceful relationship? There's a whole lot more to being equal than one's education or job.

I truly believe you have to have a rethink about how you see yourself and others.

Could not agree with this more. The things you seem to want/think makes a good partner(education, career success, best looks, challenge) is not what everyone is looking for and you're becoming disheartened that they don't value those things because you do. Most of what you mention is not what I look for in a partner. If those things are not working, time to focus on bringing other your other attributes to the table(kindness, humility, affability, etc.) Also, looks are subjective. These guys might find that "less attractive" girl to be the most beautiful person in the world.

July 24, 2017

I think this idea that men don't like "successful" women is a convenient excuse: the only female Fields medalist was married, so was the only woman to receive two Nobel prizes.

July 24, 2017

I relate to your feelings. The specifics are different, but we've both come up short in love.

The only thing that really works for me is to get myself as happy as I can doing my own things. Naturally, that makes me more attractive and I start getting more and better dates.

I do get quite a bit of negativity and judgment coming through in your writing. I don't think it will do you any good or make you feel any better to judge these other women.

I read somewhere recently: "What is love? Love is the absence of judgment." I try to be loving with everybody, and that attracts a more loving disposition from others. I apply this to dating as well, and men always tell me I'm so refreshingly un-jaded and not bitter.

This hasn't found me Mr. Right yet, but it does make dating more fun and less angsty.

July 24, 2017

I think this idea that men don't like "successful" women is a convenient excuse: the only female Fields medalist was married, so was the only woman to receive two Nobel prizes.

I'm a successful business owner who was raised by a mechanic so every man I've ever dated has had to be okay with me rebuilding motors, even if he doesn't know a sparkplug from a drivetrain. There's been plenty of men who were either fine with it or enjoyed learning from me. I love teaching and find it fun too.

I think JuneL made a great point!

You sound in competition with other women, then in competition with men also at the same time. Being competitive can be good in the business world but it isn't usually in relationships/marriage although I do remember seeing an old couple who were both competitive and it did work for them for years.

There are men out there who might like your constant competitiveness with everyone. Someone might even like how you put other women down. I have met men who do like that in a girlfriend or wife because it shows she gets jealous and while that's unhealthy, a few guys really dig it. As soon as I heard they like that in a woman, I was instantly turned off. Not dating material for me but to each his own.

I certainly wouldn't give up.

July 25, 2017

Independence isn't a bad thing. But...I think it's been over sold.

July 25, 2017

I'm not sure where you live, but if it's near South Africa there may be people you're compatible with, based on your initial post.

July 25, 2017

Personally, I could give a sh@t how successful you are. If you are a nurse making 20 bucks an hour and love your job, you're more likely to be a happier mate and have better stories. And personality is subjective. But certain guys go for laid back women. And you ain't that, lol.

I wish more people were this way, but seeing this sentiment in your's and others' posts in this thread make me hopeful. I am not at all excited by career related ambition in a man. My ex husband and I were both very ambitious early in our relationship and it didnt make me happy at all. He continued on that track and I left my very prestigious job to stay home with our kids, which is a decision I'll never regret even though it decimated my career. Im so much happier without all that. But I do think it was part of the reason my 25 year marriage ended.

And OP, I get you. Ive dated and dated and it seems nobody wants to have a real relationship. But every once in a while i realize there are guys that do, theyre just not the ones I want. I bet thats the case for you, too. I have hope that the right one will materialize eventually.

July 25, 2017

Mortensorchid, do you realise you're doing that thing with putting others down in order to feel better about yourself? You're in a hard spot at present, but I think you're better than this diatribe against other women.

And I agree with JuneJulySeptember - these women are only lesser in YOUR view. But the guys obviously see other qualities in them which make these girls really attractive.

Looks apparently don't mean as much as you think they do. Or perhaps you don't have the looks they want. Personality is extremely subjective and it's extraordinarily arrogant to judge a person as having less personality than you.

Your career success should be about what you want for yourself. I can't see it as something which would necessarily attract others. Active in the community? Yeah nah....Lots of men may value other attributes more. Like say, humility and kindness.

And why anyone wants a partner who challenges them is beyond me. Sounds like a whole lot of drama to me. What's wrong with wanting a partner who enjoys a peaceful relationship? There's a whole lot more to being equal than one's education or job.

I truly believe you have to have a rethink about how you see yourself and others.

Can't agree more with this..Great post...

I see this a lot, especially on here...If a woman struggles at dating/relationships, all other women who have guys are wretched bridge trolls...I don't get it...

What I think many women lose sight of is sure...most guys like sexy women ,,,But they also love women who are warm and inviting...If I had to think of the women I know who perpetually struggle, the one common denominator is that they have this certain "coldness" to their personality.....

Take stock of yourself..Don't worry about other people and don't get hung up by what they do..

TFY

July 25, 2017

I see this a lot, especially on here...If a woman struggles at dating/relationships, all other women who have guys are wretched bridge trolls...I don't get it...

It's the same as guys who think that all the men who get women are douchebags or bad guys. I guess it just goes to being resentful and trying to make sense of it all.

July 25, 2017

It's the same as guys who think that all the men who get women are douchebags or bad guys. I guess it just goes to being resentful and trying to make sense of it all.

Its hard to stay positive when youre feeling hurt and unwanted. Im sure a lot of us have had low moments.

July 25, 2017

Can't agree more with this..Great post...

I see this a lot, especially on here...If a woman struggles at dating/relationships, all other women who have guys are wretched bridge trolls...I don't get it...

What I think many women lose sight of is sure...most guys like sexy women ,,,But they also love women who are warm and inviting...If I had to think of the women I know who perpetually struggle, the one common denominator is that they have this certain "coldness" to their personality.....

Take stock of yourself..Don't worry about other people and don't get hung up by what they do..

TFY

If I may....my ex had that "cold" thing going on. Successful (no...I mean....Money....in anyone's book...and successful....career wise). Would talk many times of her "powerful" men she'd dated (and they were lol). (You'd recognize the names...trust me lol)

But...she had this dam "coldness" to her! lol (freaked me out!) Sexy? well...it was her "son of a coal miner" up bringing that really attracted me to her! But............she....thought.....warm....equated....to....weakness..

I asked my sister one time....I said...."Hey...Sandra....what's with this woman? She's cool man! I love her! She's fun! She's successful. she's SMART!!! LOL BUT she ALWAYS talks about other women like they're trash?? wtf? Man...she doesn't have to do this!! What's that about. It's off-putting. And my sister said to me...."David....Some women just don't like other women". And I said...."What?" "Why not?"....and she said...."they can be jealous". And I said...."But...Sandra....This woman...she doesn't have anything to be jealous about! She's got it all!". And Sandra says to me....(smile)...."David....I think you need to date someone a little bit more 'home grown'" that made me think. that hit a nerve...a good nerve (if there's such a thing! )smile

I'd catch a glimps of this person. (you know how we can sometimes do?...you know....we'll "steal a glance" when we think they're not looking? Just to "check things out"? And when I'd do that with this woman.. oh my...it makes me so sad to think of it...but....there was a bitterness to her sweet soul. The bitterness was on her face anytime she wasn't smilin'. She was so sweet. But...I could never tell her that!

She learned...somewhere along the way...that "sweet" meant "weakness". And warmth meant...."weakness".

There was no way she'd ever be weak......oh my....I'm so sorry...

July 25, 2017

my dad told me one time....he said....

"Son....men test drive sports cars....but they buy station wagons".

(I love that quote....)

(smile)

July 25, 2017

Can't agree more with this..Great post...

I see this a lot, especially on here...If a woman struggles at dating/relationships, all other women who have guys are wretched bridge trolls...I don't get it...

What I think many women lose sight of is sure...most guys like sexy women ,,,But they also love women who are warm and inviting...If I had to think of the women I know who perpetually struggle, the one common denominator is that they have this certain "coldness" to their personality.....

Take stock of yourself..Don't worry about other people and don't get hung up by what they do..

TFY

Yep, this is me, the 'cold' reference is sadly how people see me, despite the fact that I'm an incredibly sensitive person inside and deeply romantic! It's my lack of expressiveness that puts people off!!

July 25, 2017

my dad told me one time....he said....

"Son....men test drive sports cars....but they buy station wagons".

(I love that quote....)

(smile)

But there are also guys who want to buy a sports car and are bitter about its high price, lol!

July 25, 2017

But there are also guys who want to buy a sports car and are bitter about its high price, lol!

Well....There are also guys that buy the hot stuff and are content because they know their way under the hood....so to speak...

TFY

July 25, 2017

Everyone is entitled to their preferences, even if that means they prefer less ambitious, less attractive women who aren't combative/challenging at home.

No one is going to be everyone else's cup of tea.

July 25, 2017

Yeah l do see a lot of reasons guys go for , well l hate to use the term but l can't think how else to put it , women like that.

They can be great women ,they can be fun , down to earth , great talkers , comfortable to be around, it's nothing to do with some lesser than themselves thing, l've never even heard a guy even mention wanting something like that in his women or interested in it.

But there's all different types of people out there and l think you just need to go for guys more like the type of person you are and similar backgrounds and likenesses .

Think you've just been missing the mark a bit.

July 25, 2017

Can't agree more with this..Great post...

I see this a lot, especially on here...If a woman struggles at dating/relationships, all other women who have guys are wretched bridge trolls...I don't get it..

Yes, but that is basically what all the struggling guys say too, all the men who actually have women are jerks or bad boys or players or betas, etc...

"Why do women want those men, when I am a perfectly nice guy?"

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