Rxfuturesight Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 So, as much as I like to say I'm better after she broke up with me, it has become clear to me through a mutual friend that my ex girlfriend of six years (I'm 25/ she's 26) has moved on with another guy, and showed me one of her posts in which she clearly announces her feelings and how much better than her current boyfriend is than I ever was. The break up itself was horrible, and she was very emotionally abusive to me and told me I would never be good enough for anyone every single day until she decided not to contact me anymore. The details of the break up aren't important; right now I am trying to look ahead to the future. Since the break up, I have healed tremendously. I have seen a surge of improvement and motivation in pushing my career forward, and I lost quite a few pounds by excercising. Things are much better but.... there's always a nagging feeling and barrage of "what ifs" that I can't seem to get rid of. Why did our relationship go south? What makes him better than me? What if I can never make any girl the way he makes her feel? How come she moved on faster than me? What is wrong with me? I've tried online dating, but I am so frustrated by what I've experienced. Women generally are not responsive despite me putting serious effort into my profiles, or the ones that do respond show lack of commitment (constantly flaking on dates) and honesty (just tell me you aren't interested) I don't know if I'll even meet anyone at this point. I enjoy being single, but at the same time I am afraid to get old by myself. I want a wife, a family, and a life that can look back on and say that I enjoyed to the fullest. I'm just afraid right now. What if I will never find someone? And if I do find someone, what if I'm not good enough. I'm very a very quiet and shy person. I'm afraid to have my heart broken again. I want to get my PharmD in two more years but I want to have someone to share such a life with. I want to go on adventures and have fun. I feel trapped and conflicted. I'm at a point of finally breaking free, but these fears I have just keep holding me down.
Bastile Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Online dating isn't likely to make you feel much better after a breakup. It's a place full of savages. It's raw and ruthless. You want improvement and want more of a spiritual experience of betterment and understanding? You won't find it there. Get out into the real world, and make real connections. You'd be surprised to find that human emotion, and the human spirit is alive and well. I remember my early days of making approaches and trying things out. I was raw as hell - coming off a relationship with a woman that hurt me bad. I spoke with this foreign girl that had the most amazing brown eyes (I like brunettes). Looking back now, I know that she was well open to escalation, but I wimped out and didn't know better. Just was all over the place at that time. Still, my perspective broadened. I still remember that after all this time - several years later. It made me realize that there was a massive world out there to explore, with amazing opportunities. A little light at the end of the tunnel, or a little glimpse of what was possible. I don't think you have any idea of what is possible I have since dated a woman that looked like that ex, which was funny. I've had relationships with 2 women that looked like 2 of my favourite porn stars. I've had more women in a year than men statistically have in their entire lives. I've lived like a damn Roman. I've learnt more about myself than in learning an instrument (I can play classical guitar), than in learning a martial art (I'm a black-belt in Judo), or in any job. I'm just afraid right now. What if I will never find someone? And if I do find someone, what if I'm not good enough. I'm very a very quiet and shy person. I'm afraid to have my heart broken again. I want to get my PharmD in two more years but I want to have someone to share such a life with. I want to go on adventures and have fun. I feel trapped and conflicted. I'm at a point of finally breaking free, but these fears I have just keep holding me down. That's it. The only thing holding you back is yourself. Look in the mirror.
Superchicken Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 What is it with today ?. I read a few people other threads, with some silly comments.. Yours, is high on the silly list. Your freaking 25.. Man, I would give my "Wife's" right arm to go back to that age. You will be alone, ONLY if you decide. The ones that end up alone, are the ones that treat their partners like crap. They always get dumped, or move on. You not like that, and in time, you will find some one else. You found her didn't you ?. So you will find another again. If that doesn't turn out, you will find another again. If that doesn't turn out, become a Monk. You may want to lean how to chant hummmmmmm.. 25 years old, and he complains !.. Man !!!!, Ted (Wishes he was 26)..
Maldives Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 I can relate to that experience with online dating I've never done it and have had a similar experience with it. Conversations flake out and never one date and the one I did get a no. And call to arrange a date had like 5 kids and lived 3000 miles away lol. I must say online dating hasn't worked so far for me either. On another note to me it appears like ur doing very well I've moved on quiet quickly. I wish I was in ur headspace to be honest it's been 10 mths and I still grieve here and there and have way I did call mental melt downs mainly due from having to work with her and see her everyday. I'm having a hard time with it to the point I might if to leave for my own well being. Dude I'm in my mind 40's and will say this u won't meet anyone only if u don't want to. I think inevitably at some stage we meet someone again who we connect with. I feel somewhat that way only because I if been so mentally burnt out from relationships cheating woman who ended up being not who I imagined they would be. Partly my fault the way I was in the relationship I see my part in it but some I did lots of good. I'm mentally scarred lol I actually feel that way but in the back of my mind know eventually it happens again.im just not ready to get burnt again anytime soon. In ur case u r definitely doing really well.
spiderowl Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Do not let a relationship with one girl define who you are. She could have had mood or personality issues that were nothing to do with you. What kind of person tells another that they are not good enough? That alone says a lot about what kind of person she was. Even if you don't want to be with someone, you would never say something like that to them. She was clearly not a kind person. Being shy will not go against you. You are decent guy who wants to build a life with a woman. A lot of women want that too and they will be out there looking for someone like you. Nothing that you said makes me feel you were the problem in that relationship, but your ex sounds mean and spiteful. It can take a while to find someone special. Real connections are more sporadic than shallow connections so do not expect instant results. People online can be very erratic. If you expect that rather than feeling hurt about any slight, you will cope much better. It is best to get out and socialise as best you can, just take up opportunities to go out with friends or join social groups. It can seem daunting at first, but I am sure you will find someone you can talk to and one new contact can lead to many others. The idea is to make lots of connections and eventually you will cross paths with someone you really like. You have some really great qualities that are in high demand, be proud of them and what you have got to offer.
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