Outcast Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 pander to womens romantic fantasies but not to what they want in real life. And DUH. What do you think women are glommed onto the books and movies and TV shows for? Because those things portray romance as women would LOVE it to be. And because they don't get it, they bury themselves in the fantasies. If you're smart enough to BE the woman's fantasy, then you'll have her for life. And that doesn't mean doing what YOU think is 'romantic' but what SHE thinks is romantic.
scratch Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Outcast, I understand you feel very strongly about this. Have you ever been in a situation where things didn't work out, especially on the first couple of dates, but you think they would have if the guy brought flowers? In what way do you think it would further the OP's objective were he to show up with flowers?
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted August 8, 2005 Author Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast They've talked a lot so this is really like a second date. Or a third. Last week alone, we spoke on the phone for over 20 hours. Yes, I know that's not always wise, but it took that long for her to realize that I was worth a date. Before me, she was not fond of meeting people from the Internet, so I wouldn't even have this chance if I didn't put in the effort and if she wasn't so crazy about me, which she has said. It may be the first time I see her, but this is not your typical first date, in my opinion.
scratch Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Or a third. Last week alone, we spoke on the phone for over 20 hours. Yes, I know that's not always wise, but it took that long for her to realize that I was worth a date. Before me, she was not fond of meeting people from the Internet, so I wouldn't even have this chance if I didn't put in the effort and if she wasn't so crazy about me, which she has said. It may be the first time I see her, but this is not your typical first date, in my opinion. Maybe online dating is a bit of another animal, but when people usually talk in terms of the passages I bolded, it reveals a significant imbalance in the relative interest of the parties and does not end well. If the ideas you wanted to communicate were neutral, and you just chose those phrases, it reflects an incredible lack of confidence with respect to this girl. That may also explain why you've argued so hard to convice us she likes you. You'd really, really be advised to take it down a notch with her.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted August 8, 2005 Author Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Maybe online dating is a bit of another animal, but when people usually talk in terms of the passages I bolded, it reveals a significant imbalance in the relative interest of the parties and does not end well. If the ideas you wanted to communicate were neutral, and you just chose those phrases, it reflects an incredible lack of confidence with respect to this girl. That may also explain why you've argued so hard to convice us she likes you. You'd really, really be advised to take it down a notch with her. I'm not doing well here. I'm checking out of this thread.
loony Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast And DUH. What do you think women are glommed onto the books and movies and TV shows for? Because those things portray romance as women would LOVE it to be. And because they don't get it, they bury themselves in the fantasies. If you're smart enough to BE the woman's fantasy, then you'll have her for life. And that doesn't mean doing what YOU think is 'romantic' but what SHE thinks is romantic. IF she was interested in him and only then.
westernxer Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer I was thinking the same thing - all the posts before this one were from men...and really, what do men know about what women really want?? You know how you are when you have the hots for someone... he doesn't even need to bring you flowers. You'll let him have yours instead, if you know what I mean. *wicked*
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer Yeah, but if she's only lukewarm... SG are you saying that you can be bought ? Lukewarm and flowers might = kiss of death... Why risk it.. a 2nd date might be the best time to lay on the flowers What should I bring when I pick you up ?
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer It's called "the woo," otherwise known as effective courtship. Star Gazer Lilies. Interesting take.. I've always put a lot of time and effort into wooing.. Just not normally on the first date.. There have been exceptions though as the OP has said they have somewhat of a relationship already.. Sometimes building chemistry is the best way to something long lasting Hummm.. SG Lillies.. a secret comes to light.. pro flow*rs I have sent them before
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer I don't follow...? Proflowers has a bouquet of star gazer lilies (pink ones) that is out of this world..I've sent them before.. oh so beautiful...
Cecelius Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 By all means take her flowers. The most important thing for you to get across to her is that she occupies your thoughts more than she should, that she's basically got you wrapped around her finger, oh, and also -- setting the bar high and early is EXCELLENT - when she goes for them, you will then need to move on to bigger and better presents (not all the time, but it will be an expectancy). What has she done to justify the flowers? Just spend the time together and enjoy yourself and make sure she does to. If you have to take anything, take some booze so you can both enjoy it.
Outcast Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Oh fergawdsakes we're talking five bucks' worth of posies, not a new friggin car!
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Oh fergawdsakes we're talking five bucks' worth of posies, not a new friggin car! Are ya pms'ing outcast.. You seem a little frustrated today I say that with the pms thread in mind
scratch Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall Are ya pms'ing outcast.. You seem a little frustrated today A few women here have been doing the tempest in a teapot routine of late. Outcast, see my post #53 in this thread, and if you can address it with a minimum of vitrol, you may better explain your postition to those men and women who see the situation differently than you do.
Outcast Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Yes, I'm frustrated. My own fault for running headlong into brick walls. There's nothing life-enhancing about it. Carry on. It's been a slice.
loony Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Is Outcast a woman or a man?? And some people should better not talk about 'vitriol'...
Outcast Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Outcast, I understand you feel very strongly about this. Have you ever been in a situation where things didn't work out, especially on the first couple of dates, but you think they would have if the guy brought flowers? In what way do you think it would further the OP's objective were he to show up with flowers? It's all moot. It's just a nice gesture. Would there be 665 posts about why someone ought or ought not take a gift to a dinner party? No. It's a small, small gift and a small, small nicety on a planet where people like too many people here encourage each other to mistreat each other in some sort of twisted belief that this is a good way to behave to other people. Is is frustrating? Hell yes. People are ****ty enough to each other already and to encourage men to mistreat women or vice versa, and to discourage niceness, thoughtfulness, and kindness is to only worsen the problem. And it will NOT make for good relationships, which, ostensibly is what LS is supposed to be for. And what drives me nuts is that a bunch of people who have clearly not done all that well at catching and keeping mates seem to think they have the answers. In the words of the bald pop psych guru 'How's that workin' for ya?' Bah.
alphamale Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Is is frustrating? Hell yes. People are ****ty enough to each other already and to encourage men to mistreat women or vice versa, and to discourage niceness, thoughtfulness, and kindness is to only worsen the problem. the problem is that women themselves encourage men to treat them badly thru their actions. Many females are not interested in nice, decent and responsible men. They want the dudes who give them trouble and are selfish and play games. I know so many really nice men who are decent, kind, loyal, etc....but many women won't give them the time of day. So you females create your own problems.
westernxer Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast And what drives me nuts is that a bunch of people who have clearly not done all that well at catching and keeping mates seem to think they have the answers. You don't need to be in a relationship to know what's right and wrong... I think you place too much emphasis on status versus experience.
alphamale Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I think you place too much emphasis on status versus experience. I agree WESTERNXR....and in addition how does OUTCAST know everyones sexual and relationship history after only making less than 300 posts in almost 2 years on LS? That averages 13 posts per month.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer You don't need to be in a relationship to know what's right and wrong... True.. As well as being in and out of relationships is what gives people their ability to give advice.
Cecelius Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 It is preferable not to be in a relationship at all than to be in one via the Chumpsville Express making stops at "Pleasingallwomenville". Flowers are a gesture. Too much of a gesture for a first date. It cannot help and can only hurt.
alphamale Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius via the Chumpsville Express making stops at "Pleasingallwomenville".
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